Cycling and bicycle discussion forums. 
   Click here to join our community Log in to access your Control Panel  


Go Back   > >

Foo Off-Topic chit chat with no general subject.

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-04-10, 10:11 AM   #1
kevmk81 
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
kevmk81's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Springfield, IL
Bikes: Trek 1500, Cannondale CAAD10
Posts: 504
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Making friends in a new town

So the wife and I are & have been trying to find friends in our new town we moved to over a year ago (we've kept busy with buying a new home, getting through our wedding planning, me doing an Ironman, all on the same year! - along with a few unfortunate mis-haps). This year has been a bit more on the quiet side!

We're strugglin' to find some people to be-friend!

We've joined a local church, but it seems most of the couples have kids, which makes it difficult to "hang out". We've bought a house, but our street/neighborhood isn't the most friend conductive environment. We don't go out to the bars too much, but we do every once in a while, so it's sorta not what we're looking for, unless the couple/friends are just as "bar random" as we are!

Doesn't have to even be a married couple! Heck, it doesn't even have to be a couple! There's a guy I swim with every once in a while at the gym, but he's moving out of town soon :-(

Do the people of Foo have any "friend finding" suggestions??
kevmk81 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 10:25 AM   #2
valygrl
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Boulder, CO
Bikes:
Posts: 8,321
Mentioned: 18 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 38 Post(s)
Bike club.
valygrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 10:37 AM   #3
jsharr
You Know!? For Kids!
 
jsharr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Just NW of Richardson Bike Mart
Bikes: '05 Trek 1200 / '90 Trek 8000 / '? Falcon Europa
Posts: 6,157
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Does your street have a neighborhood watch program through the local police? Get invovled in that, as they have the National Night Out where you get to meet your neighbors, or look into other neighborhood activities, Garden Club, Rotary Club, Kiwanis, etc. If you are an ex Boy Scout, find a local troop that might need adult leadership help. Help plan the 4th of July BBQ or parade, etc. Volunteerism is a great way to meet people. Mentor at the local school, meet some parents that way, even if you do not have kids.
__________________
Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
Quote:
Originally Posted by colorider View Post
Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
jsharr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 10:40 AM   #4
RUOkie
Free @coasting
 
RUOkie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In a Haggard Song
Bikes: 2009 ORBEA Onix Rival. 2012 Felt Breed, 1999 Raleigh 500
Posts: 10,663
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 104 Post(s)
Just keep talking to people. From work, from the gym, at the library, whereever. Church is good, join the Rotary or Kiwanis (in my town they are all old folks, so no good for me). Invite people to your home for dinner. If you don't like them, no big whoop.

My wife and I are old hats at this. We have moved 5 times in our 14 year marraige. Now settled in for 6 1/2 years. We have never had as many friends as we do now. It took some time though.

Bike club is a good idea if you got one. We don't, but cycling has opened up some unusual friendships for me.
RUOkie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 11:52 AM   #5
SonataInFSharp
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Bikes:
Posts: 176
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Finding friends is harder than dating, at least that is how my wife and I put it. We are in a similar boat--my wife really wants some friends, but I am happy with her as my only friend. Her best friends live in other countries now, so all they do is spend time catching up on the phone every few weeks, and not much deeper. My two best friends drive me crazy and I have other priorities now, so I am consciously distancing myself from them; they are all closed up about themselves and all we talk about is the weather, and I can't find value in that. My one friend, for example, is having serious relationship issues and won't talk to anyone, not even me--who he calls his best friend. He is dying slowly inside, I can see it clear as day, I have been through it and he knows this, but he closes up tighter and I don't have time to worry about it anymore since I have my own issues to deal with. But I digress...

Finding friends, again comparing to dating, just works out on its own. We lived in a house and knew no one, and no new friends. We have joined groups and met no one that we clicked with. At the new house, we have only been there a week and we talk to several of the neighbors every single day--it just works out that way.

We went to a church to find new friends, and we eneded up stopping going to that church for several reasons, but now we are becoming really good friends with the pastor and her husband--we are becoming great friends outside of the church environment. This is a different spin, though--the pastor has a hard time finding friends because she is in an authoritative position, so all of her "friends" are related directly with work, except for us now, and we understand the value of this both ways. She can be herself and not have to remember her "role" when talking to us--her friends--like she does with her other "friends."

So, to sum it up: it's like dating, maybe worse, and it just has to "work out". And don't try too hard.

P.S. I understand the "kids" and "married" thing, but not until we were married and then had kids ourselves. We have only been friends with couples since we have been married ourselves, and we are only friends with couples with kids since we have had kids ourselves. We used to be annoyed at people who are exactly as we are now, but it makes sense once you are at that own point in your own life. It's hard to explain to single friends why we can't hang out with them Friday nights (other than once in a blue moon) when you have a family at home. It's hard to explain why you can't drop everything and meet a friend somewhere when you are watching a 2-year old at home, or why you have to plan around naptime, or why you can't really be out til 11pm. Certainly there are exceptions (my wife is actually going to be out late with a friend of hers tonight, alone, who also has a baby), but generally, that is how it goes.
SonataInFSharp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 11:53 AM   #6
ModoVincere
Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour
 
ModoVincere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Bikes:
Posts: 1,675
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just throw an orgy....you'll meet new people.
__________________
1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold
ModoVincere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 11:57 AM   #7
SonataInFSharp
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Bikes:
Posts: 176
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
Just throw an orgy....you'll meet new people.
Heh, I have been trying to get a game of strip poker going for years, but it's surprising how many people won't take me up on it. (That being said, I was on the other end in 11th grade... it was 5 hot girls and me, the only guy. They wanted to play strip poker, but I chickened out and left. Silly, huh? Now I am trying to make up for lost time, but with friends in their 30s, people aren't quite as adventurous as we were when we were 18.)

Oh, I forgot to add to my previous reply: When my wife was in grad school, we had tons of friends. They were all part of the program, sure, but we were all really good friends without even trying, the friendships were deep, and we saw 6, 7, 10 different friends every day outside of the school atmosphere.
SonataInFSharp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 12:01 PM   #8
SingingSabre 
BF's Level 12 Wizard
 
SingingSabre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Tucson, AZ
Bikes: Diamondback Sorrento turned Xtracycle commuter
Posts: 1,425
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
meetup.com

Find an interest and start having fun. Find some group dance classes, salsa is great for that.
__________________
Shameless plug (my sites):
Work
Photography
Vanity
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bklyn
Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
SingingSabre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 12:57 PM   #9
ilikebikes
K2ProFlex baby!
 
ilikebikes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
Bikes: to many to list
Posts: 6,087
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
don't rush it, they'll find you. ;0)
__________________
You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
ilikebikes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 12:59 PM   #10
ilikebikes
K2ProFlex baby!
 
ilikebikes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
Bikes: to many to list
Posts: 6,087
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
Just throw an orgy....you'll eat new people.


fify
__________________
You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
ilikebikes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 01:02 PM   #11
CliftonGK1
Senior Member
 
CliftonGK1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Columbus, OH
Bikes: '08 Surly Cross-Check, 2011 Redline Conquest Pro, 2012 Spesh FSR Comp EVO, 2015 Trek Domane 6.2 disc
Posts: 11,380
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevmk81 View Post
We don't go out to the bars too much, but we do every once in a while, so it's sorta not what we're looking for, unless the couple/friends are just as "bar random" as we are!

Doesn't have to even be a married couple! Heck, it doesn't even have to be a couple! There's a guy I swim with every once in a while at the gym
Craigslist.

"Married couple interested in meeting couple or singles for shared activities. Athletic, casual/infrequent drinkers. Watersports OK."

I'm sure you'll get a ton of replies.
__________________
"I feel like my world was classier before I found cyclocross."
- Mandi M.
CliftonGK1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 03:26 PM   #12
travelmama
Senior Member
 
travelmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Long Beach,CA
Bikes: Kona Ute, Nishiki 4130, Trek 7000, K2 Mach 1.0, Novara Randonee, Schwinn Loop, K2 Zed 1.0, Schwinn Cream, Torker Boardwalk
Posts: 1,410
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Join a masters swim program. Local people of all fitness levels congregating in a pool can be rather fun and help you with your triathlon training. It worked for me.
travelmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 03:37 PM   #13
edbikebabe
runnin' down a dream
 
edbikebabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Somewhere out there
Bikes: Turner Flux, Orbea Onix Dama.
Posts: 2,764
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CliftonGK1 View Post
Craigslist.

"Married couple interested in meeting couple or singles for shared activities. Athletic, casual/infrequent drinkers. Watersports OK."

I'm sure you'll get a ton of replies.
Awesome - I wanna see the replies....
edbikebabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 03:54 PM   #14
jdon
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Bikes:
Posts: 4,239
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Friends are overrated. Buy a dog.
jdon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 04:24 PM   #15
kevmk81 
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
kevmk81's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Springfield, IL
Bikes: Trek 1500, Cannondale CAAD10
Posts: 504
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdon View Post
Friends are overrated. Buy a dog.
We have two little shi... dogs already!
kevmk81 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 04:57 PM   #16
coasting 
Still can't climb
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Limey in Taiwan
Bikes:
Posts: 22,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
Does your street have a neighborhood watch program through the local police? Get invovled in that, as they have the National Night Out where you get to meet your neighbors, or look into other neighborhood activities, Garden Club, Rotary Club, Kiwanis, etc. If you are an ex Boy Scout, find a local troop that might need adult leadership help. Help plan the 4th of July BBQ or parade, etc. Volunteerism is a great way to meet people. Mentor at the local school, meet some parents that way, even if you do not have kids.
is this from experience? i was thinking about doing something useful but i don't like to get my hands dirty or touch poor people.
__________________
coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

No @coasting, you should stay 100% as you are right now, don't change a thing....quote Heathpack
coasting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 04:59 PM   #17
coasting 
Still can't climb
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Limey in Taiwan
Bikes:
Posts: 22,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SingingSabre View Post
meetup.com

Find an interest and start having fun. Find some group dance classes, salsa is great for that.
That is the most stupid suggestion. I was interested in finding a ride partner and i even signed up to a couple of sites for activity partners. Nothing. I did get some spam though. I ended up just arranging to meet up with other solo riders i strike up a conversation with during a ride. turns out they do like to ride with other people but just not rigidly and only once in a while. just how i prefer.
__________________
coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

No @coasting, you should stay 100% as you are right now, don't change a thing....quote Heathpack
coasting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 06:24 PM   #18
SingingSabre 
BF's Level 12 Wizard
 
SingingSabre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Tucson, AZ
Bikes: Diamondback Sorrento turned Xtracycle commuter
Posts: 1,425
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by coasting View Post
That is the most stupid suggestion. I was interested in finding a ride partner and i even signed up to a couple of sites for activity partners. Nothing. I did get some spam though. I ended up just arranging to meet up with other solo riders i strike up a conversation with during a ride. turns out they do like to ride with other people but just not rigidly and only once in a while. just how i prefer.
Okay, so something didn't work out for you in a completely different country and you call my suggestion stupid?

Want stupid? Take a look in the mirror, buddy.
__________________
Shameless plug (my sites):
Work
Photography
Vanity
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bklyn
Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
SingingSabre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 06:54 PM   #19
rumrunn6
Senior Member
 
rumrunn6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: 25 miles northwest of Boston
Bikes: Bottecchia Sprint
Posts: 14,208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 131 Post(s)
sign up with Meetups:

http://www.meetup.com/
rumrunn6 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 07:36 PM   #20
apclassic9
Caustic Soccer Mom
 
apclassic9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Millstone WV
Bikes:
Posts: 1,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
bike shop, local bike races - help out with organizing if you don't race - you'll meet people. plan a cook-out & invite all the neighbors. join stuff - clean-up groups, park improvement - whatever interests you; you'll probably run into some folks who share common interests. plant some zuchini & summer squash & pumpkin plants - and give away all the extra to the neighbors. get involved with some of those 'walk for the cure' things? Teach a water aerobics class?

you have to figure out what's going on in the area you live, decide what interests you - or where/what events would attract people you think you might want to befriend - and then show up.
__________________
As with mud, life, too, slides by.
apclassic9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-10, 08:01 PM   #21
travelmama
Senior Member
 
travelmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Long Beach,CA
Bikes: Kona Ute, Nishiki 4130, Trek 7000, K2 Mach 1.0, Novara Randonee, Schwinn Loop, K2 Zed 1.0, Schwinn Cream, Torker Boardwalk
Posts: 1,410
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SingingSabre View Post
Okay, so something didn't work out for you in a completely different country and you call my suggestion stupid?

Want stupid? Take a look in the mirror, buddy.
Oh man, I can't breathe! I was thinking the same thing. The nerve to call a suggestion stupid because it didn't work for you.
travelmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-10, 12:57 AM   #22
SingingSabre 
BF's Level 12 Wizard
 
SingingSabre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Tucson, AZ
Bikes: Diamondback Sorrento turned Xtracycle commuter
Posts: 1,425
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelmama View Post
Oh man, I can't breathe! I was thinking the same thing. The nerve to call a suggestion stupid because it didn't work for you.
Zactly!

I started taking salsa group classes so I can start dancing with my girlfriend. Made new friends. Changed careers, new friends. Joined a photography meetup group a few years ago and have friends from that.

Perhaps the person in question who "wasn't able to meet anyone" is really experiencing a socialization error on the side that's not being analyzed?
__________________
Shameless plug (my sites):
Work
Photography
Vanity
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bklyn
Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
SingingSabre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-10, 08:43 AM   #23
coasting 
Still can't climb
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Limey in Taiwan
Bikes:
Posts: 22,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SingingSabre View Post
Okay, so something didn't work out for you in a completely different country and you call my suggestion stupid?

Want stupid? Take a look in the mirror, buddy.
That's it! Let's take it outside!
__________________
coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

No @coasting, you should stay 100% as you are right now, don't change a thing....quote Heathpack
coasting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-10, 08:44 AM   #24
coasting 
Still can't climb
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Limey in Taiwan
Bikes:
Posts: 22,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelmama View Post
Oh man, I can't breathe! I was thinking the same thing. The nerve to call a suggestion stupid because it didn't work for you.

And you too, mama.
__________________
coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

No @coasting, you should stay 100% as you are right now, don't change a thing....quote Heathpack
coasting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-10, 08:55 AM   #25
Siu Blue Wind
Flowers for mom
 
Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Bikes:
Posts: 10,950
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 60 Post(s)
Coasting, have respect for mama. Dada's gonna find out and you're gonna get a whippin'.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddha
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by making View Post
Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
Siu Blue Wind is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:12 PM.