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  1. #1
    Senior Member kevmk81's Avatar
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    Making friends in a new town

    So the wife and I are & have been trying to find friends in our new town we moved to over a year ago (we've kept busy with buying a new home, getting through our wedding planning, me doing an Ironman, all on the same year! - along with a few unfortunate mis-haps). This year has been a bit more on the quiet side!

    We're strugglin' to find some people to be-friend!

    We've joined a local church, but it seems most of the couples have kids, which makes it difficult to "hang out". We've bought a house, but our street/neighborhood isn't the most friend conductive environment. We don't go out to the bars too much, but we do every once in a while, so it's sorta not what we're looking for, unless the couple/friends are just as "bar random" as we are!

    Doesn't have to even be a married couple! Heck, it doesn't even have to be a couple! There's a guy I swim with every once in a while at the gym, but he's moving out of town soon :-(

    Do the people of Foo have any "friend finding" suggestions??

  2. #2
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    Bike club.
    ...

  3. #3
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Does your street have a neighborhood watch program through the local police? Get invovled in that, as they have the National Night Out where you get to meet your neighbors, or look into other neighborhood activities, Garden Club, Rotary Club, Kiwanis, etc. If you are an ex Boy Scout, find a local troop that might need adult leadership help. Help plan the 4th of July BBQ or parade, etc. Volunteerism is a great way to meet people. Mentor at the local school, meet some parents that way, even if you do not have kids.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  4. #4
    Free @coasting RUOkie's Avatar
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    Just keep talking to people. From work, from the gym, at the library, whereever. Church is good, join the Rotary or Kiwanis (in my town they are all old folks, so no good for me). Invite people to your home for dinner. If you don't like them, no big whoop.

    My wife and I are old hats at this. We have moved 5 times in our 14 year marraige. Now settled in for 6 1/2 years. We have never had as many friends as we do now. It took some time though.

    Bike club is a good idea if you got one. We don't, but cycling has opened up some unusual friendships for me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Herbie53 View Post
    Being full of crap and depositing it here consistently is really nothing to be proud of.

  5. #5
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    Finding friends is harder than dating, at least that is how my wife and I put it. We are in a similar boat--my wife really wants some friends, but I am happy with her as my only friend. Her best friends live in other countries now, so all they do is spend time catching up on the phone every few weeks, and not much deeper. My two best friends drive me crazy and I have other priorities now, so I am consciously distancing myself from them; they are all closed up about themselves and all we talk about is the weather, and I can't find value in that. My one friend, for example, is having serious relationship issues and won't talk to anyone, not even me--who he calls his best friend. He is dying slowly inside, I can see it clear as day, I have been through it and he knows this, but he closes up tighter and I don't have time to worry about it anymore since I have my own issues to deal with. But I digress...

    Finding friends, again comparing to dating, just works out on its own. We lived in a house and knew no one, and no new friends. We have joined groups and met no one that we clicked with. At the new house, we have only been there a week and we talk to several of the neighbors every single day--it just works out that way.

    We went to a church to find new friends, and we eneded up stopping going to that church for several reasons, but now we are becoming really good friends with the pastor and her husband--we are becoming great friends outside of the church environment. This is a different spin, though--the pastor has a hard time finding friends because she is in an authoritative position, so all of her "friends" are related directly with work, except for us now, and we understand the value of this both ways. She can be herself and not have to remember her "role" when talking to us--her friends--like she does with her other "friends."

    So, to sum it up: it's like dating, maybe worse, and it just has to "work out". And don't try too hard.

    P.S. I understand the "kids" and "married" thing, but not until we were married and then had kids ourselves. We have only been friends with couples since we have been married ourselves, and we are only friends with couples with kids since we have had kids ourselves. We used to be annoyed at people who are exactly as we are now, but it makes sense once you are at that own point in your own life. It's hard to explain to single friends why we can't hang out with them Friday nights (other than once in a blue moon) when you have a family at home. It's hard to explain why you can't drop everything and meet a friend somewhere when you are watching a 2-year old at home, or why you have to plan around naptime, or why you can't really be out til 11pm. Certainly there are exceptions (my wife is actually going to be out late with a friend of hers tonight, alone, who also has a baby), but generally, that is how it goes.

  6. #6
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Just throw an orgy....you'll meet new people.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    Just throw an orgy....you'll meet new people.
    Heh, I have been trying to get a game of strip poker going for years, but it's surprising how many people won't take me up on it. (That being said, I was on the other end in 11th grade... it was 5 hot girls and me, the only guy. They wanted to play strip poker, but I chickened out and left. Silly, huh? Now I am trying to make up for lost time, but with friends in their 30s, people aren't quite as adventurous as we were when we were 18.)

    Oh, I forgot to add to my previous reply: When my wife was in grad school, we had tons of friends. They were all part of the program, sure, but we were all really good friends without even trying, the friendships were deep, and we saw 6, 7, 10 different friends every day outside of the school atmosphere.

  8. #8
    BF's Level 12 Wizard SingingSabre's Avatar
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    meetup.com

    Find an interest and start having fun. Find some group dance classes, salsa is great for that.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bklyn
    Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.

  9. #9
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
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    don't rush it, they'll find you. ;0)
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  10. #10
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    Just throw an orgy....you'll eat new people.


    fify
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  11. #11
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevmk81 View Post
    We don't go out to the bars too much, but we do every once in a while, so it's sorta not what we're looking for, unless the couple/friends are just as "bar random" as we are!

    Doesn't have to even be a married couple! Heck, it doesn't even have to be a couple! There's a guy I swim with every once in a while at the gym
    Craigslist.

    "Married couple interested in meeting couple or singles for shared activities. Athletic, casual/infrequent drinkers. Watersports OK."

    I'm sure you'll get a ton of replies.
    "I feel like my world was classier before I found cyclocross."
    - Mandi M.

  12. #12
    Senior Member travelmama's Avatar
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    Join a masters swim program. Local people of all fitness levels congregating in a pool can be rather fun and help you with your triathlon training. It worked for me.
    Two Wheels One Love

  13. #13
    runnin' down a dream edbikebabe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CliftonGK1 View Post
    Craigslist.

    "Married couple interested in meeting couple or singles for shared activities. Athletic, casual/infrequent drinkers. Watersports OK."

    I'm sure you'll get a ton of replies.
    Awesome - I wanna see the replies....

  14. #14
    Senior Member jdon's Avatar
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    Friends are overrated. Buy a dog.

  15. #15
    Senior Member kevmk81's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jdon View Post
    Friends are overrated. Buy a dog.
    We have two little shi... dogs already!

  16. #16
    Still can't climb
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    Does your street have a neighborhood watch program through the local police? Get invovled in that, as they have the National Night Out where you get to meet your neighbors, or look into other neighborhood activities, Garden Club, Rotary Club, Kiwanis, etc. If you are an ex Boy Scout, find a local troop that might need adult leadership help. Help plan the 4th of July BBQ or parade, etc. Volunteerism is a great way to meet people. Mentor at the local school, meet some parents that way, even if you do not have kids.
    is this from experience? i was thinking about doing something useful but i don't like to get my hands dirty or touch poor people.
    coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

  17. #17
    Still can't climb
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    Quote Originally Posted by SingingSabre View Post
    meetup.com

    Find an interest and start having fun. Find some group dance classes, salsa is great for that.
    That is the most stupid suggestion. I was interested in finding a ride partner and i even signed up to a couple of sites for activity partners. Nothing. I did get some spam though. I ended up just arranging to meet up with other solo riders i strike up a conversation with during a ride. turns out they do like to ride with other people but just not rigidly and only once in a while. just how i prefer.
    coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

  18. #18
    BF's Level 12 Wizard SingingSabre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by coasting View Post
    That is the most stupid suggestion. I was interested in finding a ride partner and i even signed up to a couple of sites for activity partners. Nothing. I did get some spam though. I ended up just arranging to meet up with other solo riders i strike up a conversation with during a ride. turns out they do like to ride with other people but just not rigidly and only once in a while. just how i prefer.
    Okay, so something didn't work out for you in a completely different country and you call my suggestion stupid?

    Want stupid? Take a look in the mirror, buddy.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bklyn
    Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.

  19. #19
    Senior Member rumrunn6's Avatar
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    sign up with Meetups:

    http://www.meetup.com/
    cycling is like baseball ~ it doesn't take much to make it interesting

  20. #20
    Caustic Soccer Mom apclassic9's Avatar
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    bike shop, local bike races - help out with organizing if you don't race - you'll meet people. plan a cook-out & invite all the neighbors. join stuff - clean-up groups, park improvement - whatever interests you; you'll probably run into some folks who share common interests. plant some zuchini & summer squash & pumpkin plants - and give away all the extra to the neighbors. get involved with some of those 'walk for the cure' things? Teach a water aerobics class?

    you have to figure out what's going on in the area you live, decide what interests you - or where/what events would attract people you think you might want to befriend - and then show up.
    As with mud, life, too, slides by.

  21. #21
    Senior Member travelmama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SingingSabre View Post
    Okay, so something didn't work out for you in a completely different country and you call my suggestion stupid?

    Want stupid? Take a look in the mirror, buddy.
    Oh man, I can't breathe! I was thinking the same thing. The nerve to call a suggestion stupid because it didn't work for you.
    Two Wheels One Love

  22. #22
    BF's Level 12 Wizard SingingSabre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by travelmama View Post
    Oh man, I can't breathe! I was thinking the same thing. The nerve to call a suggestion stupid because it didn't work for you.
    Zactly!

    I started taking salsa group classes so I can start dancing with my girlfriend. Made new friends. Changed careers, new friends. Joined a photography meetup group a few years ago and have friends from that.

    Perhaps the person in question who "wasn't able to meet anyone" is really experiencing a socialization error on the side that's not being analyzed?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bklyn
    Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.

  23. #23
    Still can't climb
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    Quote Originally Posted by SingingSabre View Post
    Okay, so something didn't work out for you in a completely different country and you call my suggestion stupid?

    Want stupid? Take a look in the mirror, buddy.
    That's it! Let's take it outside!
    coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

  24. #24
    Still can't climb
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    Quote Originally Posted by travelmama View Post
    Oh man, I can't breathe! I was thinking the same thing. The nerve to call a suggestion stupid because it didn't work for you.

    And you too, mama.
    coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

  25. #25
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Coasting, have respect for mama. Dada's gonna find out and you're gonna get a whippin'.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

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