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Old 06-10-10, 03:22 PM   #1
Snicklefritz
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How can I help my brother get over a breakup?

My brother had been dating a girl very seriously over the last year. Everything seemed fine and then all of a sudden about 1 week ago, she dumps him. He was thrown for a loop and has no idea what's going on. All she said was "I think it's time to move on". Prior to that there was no indication of any trouble. In fact, I know my brother had asked her a couple of times how things were going between them and she acted like everything was fine. When she dumped him, all she said was that one quote and that was it. She made it clear she wants to move on and doesn't want to work on anything or even say what was on her mind.

My brother is devastated. He's having trouble holding himself together. He goes to his summer job and that's about it. When he gets back home, he stews about this thing and can't seem to get anything done. This is quite a departure for a guy who is normally out and about a lot, who works out 2+ hours per day and has an active life.


Any suggestions on what I can say or suggest that he do to help in this situation...
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Old 06-10-10, 03:29 PM   #2
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Light her car on fire and get him a hooker.
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Old 06-10-10, 03:36 PM   #3
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Any other suggestions that don't involve booze, hookers, p0rn or nudie bars?
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Old 06-10-10, 03:40 PM   #4
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How old are they?
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Old 06-10-10, 03:41 PM   #5
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How old are they?
He's 28, she's 23
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Old 06-10-10, 03:42 PM   #6
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Doing nothing just gets one into the self pity bit.. As soon as he 's had some time to adjust get him busy. With people. Booze is bad. A depressant. Exercise is one of the best remedies. That or go somewhere.
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Old 06-10-10, 03:55 PM   #7
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He's as close to 30 as she is to 20. Difference of worlds....

It's going to be hard for him because there is no closure or even anything near it because of the way she left the mystery upon it. At this time all he's doing is going over the 'what ifs' and 'maybe it's because I..'

Try to help him to remember that she did find an attraction to him at one time. Go over the positive things about him - well, you being his sister...he's going to think you are only saying that..hmmmm - maybe other people can do this...

He needs very much to gain self confidence back. And to be able to do that he must look inside of himself, and be honest with himself. Instead of inflicting self doubt, he needs to focus on self love.

Another thing is trusting himself. What I found is that if you find that someone makes you happy, that is WRONG!! Nobody can make you happy! The happiness has to come from within and if he sees who he really is, if he can love who he is, then that happiness will naturally occur. You can only trust yourself in that aspect, you see? For depending upon someone else to make you happy is only trusting someone to do that for you. Trusting someone is expectation. And if the other person, for some reason or another, cannot fulfill that expectation then here becomes the disappointment, no matter whose fault that is.

That's why I'm usually pretty happy. No expectation, no disappointment.

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Old 06-10-10, 03:58 PM   #8
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Get a group together and go on a week long camping/hiking trip.
A week long golfing vacation.
A week long self supported bike tour.

Anything to get his mind off her and onto other activities. The idea being to teach him he can have fun without her.
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Old 06-10-10, 04:03 PM   #9
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One does need a couple weeks to sulk. ^.. Depending upon the length of the relationship. Just try to keep him away from the booze.
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Old 06-10-10, 04:05 PM   #10
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Get him into riding hard core... It worked for me. With riding, I lost like 14 lbs., started dating and it totally changed my perspective on EVERYTHING! Starting with myself. I guess the key is to keep occupied and in this case, it was something that I remembered that I like doing.

So screw her and her little dog! Time to move on! LOL
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Old 06-10-10, 04:22 PM   #11
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Light her on fire.
fify.
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Old 06-10-10, 04:35 PM   #12
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Best thing I ever did to get over a bad break up was to just get away for a couple days.

Right now, everywhere he looks is a reminder of her. He's stuck in a state of confusion and betrayal. No matter what you do, he'll be broken up about things for a bit.

Get him out and away from things. For me it was a trip to the Keys, which is my favorite place. It doesn't have to be a favorite place, but it should be somewhere he can get out and do things and remember there's more to his life than this girl.



BTW, there's obviously more going on here then she's letting on. Another guy. Pregnancy (I had someone who worked for me whose girlfriend took off because she freaked out when she found out she was pregnant). Family problems. Something.
He needs to have his head on straight if she comes back or she'll wind up owning him in the state he's in.
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Old 06-10-10, 04:39 PM   #13
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Inflatable Polystyrene Patty.
She'll never leave or tell
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Old 06-10-10, 05:10 PM   #14
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He needs to get back in the saddle. So to speak. Really.
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Old 06-10-10, 05:14 PM   #15
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Do we still have that "dateless/losers" thread going on in Foo?
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Old 06-10-10, 05:59 PM   #16
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Place your face within inches of his and scream,"Get over it!"
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Old 06-10-10, 06:30 PM   #17
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Give him time and support. That is all.

We all deal with things differently and at our own speed.



Of course, if that doesn't work, kick him in the grapes.
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Old 06-10-10, 06:47 PM   #18
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Leave yourself out of it - he's old enough to deal with it himself.....

#1 Rule - don't meddle in other peoples lives.................
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Old 06-10-10, 07:01 PM   #19
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Any other suggestions that don't involve booze, hookers, p0rn or nudie bars?
Opiates? Mindless rebound booty parade? More time in the saddle? Learn a new hobby? Become a volunteer firefighter (it's never too late)?
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Old 06-10-10, 07:10 PM   #20
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Hint: if he had to ASK how things were between them, obviously SOMETHING wasn't right. Aside from pointing this out for HIS future reference as a relationship strength indicator, try to do more stuff with him, but stay out of his business. Ignore the gorilla in the room.
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Old 06-10-10, 07:20 PM   #21
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Hint: if he had to ASK how things were between them, obviously SOMETHING wasn't right. Aside from pointing this out for HIS future reference as a relationship strength indicator, try to do more stuff with him, but stay out of his business. Ignore the gorilla in the room.
+1
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Old 06-10-10, 07:28 PM   #22
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Hint: if he had to ASK how things were between them, obviously SOMETHING wasn't right. Aside from pointing this out for HIS future reference as a relationship strength indicator, try to do more stuff with him, but stay out of his business. Ignore the gorilla in the room.
yeah. I thought it was odd that when he said that, she acted like everything was fine. I mean, I don't think my brother would have brought that up unless he felt that something was off. But since she didn't say anything he assumed there weren't any problems. So when things cool down, maybe I'll mention this to him.
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Old 06-10-10, 08:13 PM   #23
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Any other suggestions that don't involve booze, hookers, p0rn or nudie bars?
With those restrictions, I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 06-10-10, 08:29 PM   #24
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does he like games or something? play some fighting games or something.
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Old 06-10-10, 08:45 PM   #25
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Any other suggestions that don't involve booze, hookers, p0rn or nudie bars?
I feel my mature post (#13) falls within your ethical guidelines.
What,you can't spends $25 to cheer your brother up cheepskate?
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