Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 26
  1. #1
    Senior Member Snicklefritz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    In the middle of horse country, in The Garden State
    Posts
    3,112
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    How can I help my brother get over a breakup?

    My brother had been dating a girl very seriously over the last year. Everything seemed fine and then all of a sudden about 1 week ago, she dumps him. He was thrown for a loop and has no idea what's going on. All she said was "I think it's time to move on". Prior to that there was no indication of any trouble. In fact, I know my brother had asked her a couple of times how things were going between them and she acted like everything was fine. When she dumped him, all she said was that one quote and that was it. She made it clear she wants to move on and doesn't want to work on anything or even say what was on her mind.

    My brother is devastated. He's having trouble holding himself together. He goes to his summer job and that's about it. When he gets back home, he stews about this thing and can't seem to get anything done. This is quite a departure for a guy who is normally out and about a lot, who works out 2+ hours per day and has an active life.


    Any suggestions on what I can say or suggest that he do to help in this situation...

  2. #2
    Senior Member GP's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    7,172
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Light her car on fire and get him a hooker.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Snicklefritz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    In the middle of horse country, in The Garden State
    Posts
    3,112
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Any other suggestions that don't involve booze, hookers, p0rn or nudie bars?

  4. #4
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    10,483
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    How old are they?
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Snicklefritz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    In the middle of horse country, in The Garden State
    Posts
    3,112
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    How old are they?
    He's 28, she's 23

  6. #6
    Senior Member cyclezealot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Fallbrook,Calif./Palau del Vidre, France
    My Bikes
    Klein QP, Fuji touring, Surly Cross Check, BCH City bike
    Posts
    13,145
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)
    Doing nothing just gets one into the self pity bit.. As soon as he 's had some time to adjust get him busy. With people. Booze is bad. A depressant. Exercise is one of the best remedies. That or go somewhere.
    Pray for the Dead and Fight like Hell for the Living






    ^ Since January 1, 2012

  7. #7
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    10,483
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    He's as close to 30 as she is to 20. Difference of worlds....

    It's going to be hard for him because there is no closure or even anything near it because of the way she left the mystery upon it. At this time all he's doing is going over the 'what ifs' and 'maybe it's because I..'

    Try to help him to remember that she did find an attraction to him at one time. Go over the positive things about him - well, you being his sister...he's going to think you are only saying that..hmmmm - maybe other people can do this...

    He needs very much to gain self confidence back. And to be able to do that he must look inside of himself, and be honest with himself. Instead of inflicting self doubt, he needs to focus on self love.

    Another thing is trusting himself. What I found is that if you find that someone makes you happy, that is WRONG!! Nobody can make you happy! The happiness has to come from within and if he sees who he really is, if he can love who he is, then that happiness will naturally occur. You can only trust yourself in that aspect, you see? For depending upon someone else to make you happy is only trusting someone to do that for you. Trusting someone is expectation. And if the other person, for some reason or another, cannot fulfill that expectation then here becomes the disappointment, no matter whose fault that is.

    That's why I'm usually pretty happy. No expectation, no disappointment.

    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  8. #8
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    1,628
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Get a group together and go on a week long camping/hiking trip.
    A week long golfing vacation.
    A week long self supported bike tour.

    Anything to get his mind off her and onto other activities. The idea being to teach him he can have fun without her.

  9. #9
    Senior Member cyclezealot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Fallbrook,Calif./Palau del Vidre, France
    My Bikes
    Klein QP, Fuji touring, Surly Cross Check, BCH City bike
    Posts
    13,145
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)
    One does need a couple weeks to sulk. ^.. Depending upon the length of the relationship. Just try to keep him away from the booze.
    Pray for the Dead and Fight like Hell for the Living






    ^ Since January 1, 2012

  10. #10
    Senior Member Mansram01's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    My Bikes
    '14 Yeti SB95 Comp, '12 Orbea Orca Gold, '08 Orbea Orca. Wife's: Felt FW35.
    Posts
    1,316
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Get him into riding hard core... It worked for me. With riding, I lost like 14 lbs., started dating and it totally changed my perspective on EVERYTHING! Starting with myself. I guess the key is to keep occupied and in this case, it was something that I remembered that I like doing.

    So screw her and her little dog! Time to move on! LOL

  11. #11
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    KIGX
    My Bikes
    2009 Motobecane Fantom CX, 2012 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno SSCX
    Posts
    1,737
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by GP View Post
    Light her on fire.
    fify.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I openSUSE: III

  12. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    34
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Best thing I ever did to get over a bad break up was to just get away for a couple days.

    Right now, everywhere he looks is a reminder of her. He's stuck in a state of confusion and betrayal. No matter what you do, he'll be broken up about things for a bit.

    Get him out and away from things. For me it was a trip to the Keys, which is my favorite place. It doesn't have to be a favorite place, but it should be somewhere he can get out and do things and remember there's more to his life than this girl.



    BTW, there's obviously more going on here then she's letting on. Another guy. Pregnancy (I had someone who worked for me whose girlfriend took off because she freaked out when she found out she was pregnant). Family problems. Something.
    He needs to have his head on straight if she comes back or she'll wind up owning him in the state he's in.

  13. #13
    location:northern Ohio
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    3,568
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Inflatable Polystyrene Patty.
    She'll never leave or tell
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  14. #14
    Mystery Meat gitarzan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Oh!
    My Bikes
    Soma Saga, 1991 Sirrus, Specialized Secteur Elite, Miele Umbria Elite.
    Posts
    1,035
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    He needs to get back in the saddle. So to speak. Really.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jseis View Post
    Is a ukulele player in a mandolin town and banned from all bars by the chief of police unless he leaves his strings and gravy at the front door.

  15. #15
    location:northern Ohio
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    3,568
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Do we still have that "dateless/losers" thread going on in Foo?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  16. #16
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
    My Bikes
    to many to list
    Posts
    6,104
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Place your face within inches of his and scream,"Get over it!"
    or what Siu said. ;0)
    Last edited by ilikebikes; 06-10-10 at 06:30 PM.
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  17. #17
    Senior Member jdon's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    4,175
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Give him time and support. That is all.

    We all deal with things differently and at our own speed.



    Of course, if that doesn't work, kick him in the grapes.

  18. #18
    aka Phil Jungels Wanderer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    North Aurora, IL
    My Bikes
    Road & Hybrid
    Posts
    5,503
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Leave yourself out of it - he's old enough to deal with it himself.....

    #1 Rule - don't meddle in other peoples lives.................

    "Retirement is the best job I ever had!" Me, 2009


    Specialized Crosstrail Sport - '08
    Nishiki Sport - misappropriated from my youngest son (circa 1984)
    Marin Stinson - misappropriated by my youngest grandson - '01
    "The Beast" - 1990 Schwinn Airdyne (in the basement for winter torture)

  19. #19
    Member ldh6's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    I am where I'm at...
    My Bikes
    Wilier Triestina Gran Turismo, Fuji Marseilles, K2 Razorback HT
    Posts
    44
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Snicklefritz View Post
    Any other suggestions that don't involve booze, hookers, p0rn or nudie bars?
    Opiates? Mindless rebound booty parade? More time in the saddle? Learn a new hobby? Become a volunteer firefighter (it's never too late)?

  20. #20
    Caustic Soccer Mom apclassic9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Millstone WV
    Posts
    1,759
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Hint: if he had to ASK how things were between them, obviously SOMETHING wasn't right. Aside from pointing this out for HIS future reference as a relationship strength indicator, try to do more stuff with him, but stay out of his business. Ignore the gorilla in the room.
    As with mud, life, too, slides by.

  21. #21
    Mystery Meat gitarzan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Oh!
    My Bikes
    Soma Saga, 1991 Sirrus, Specialized Secteur Elite, Miele Umbria Elite.
    Posts
    1,035
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by apclassic9 View Post
    Hint: if he had to ASK how things were between them, obviously SOMETHING wasn't right. Aside from pointing this out for HIS future reference as a relationship strength indicator, try to do more stuff with him, but stay out of his business. Ignore the gorilla in the room.
    +1
    Quote Originally Posted by Jseis View Post
    Is a ukulele player in a mandolin town and banned from all bars by the chief of police unless he leaves his strings and gravy at the front door.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Snicklefritz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    In the middle of horse country, in The Garden State
    Posts
    3,112
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by apclassic9 View Post
    Hint: if he had to ASK how things were between them, obviously SOMETHING wasn't right. Aside from pointing this out for HIS future reference as a relationship strength indicator, try to do more stuff with him, but stay out of his business. Ignore the gorilla in the room.
    yeah. I thought it was odd that when he said that, she acted like everything was fine. I mean, I don't think my brother would have brought that up unless he felt that something was off. But since she didn't say anything he assumed there weren't any problems. So when things cool down, maybe I'll mention this to him.

  23. #23
    NFL Owner monogodo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Irving Heritage District
    My Bikes
    7-Eleven Eddy Merckx, Vitus Futural, Catamount FRS, Colnago SL, SS MTB
    Posts
    1,487
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Snicklefritz View Post
    Any other suggestions that don't involve booze, hookers, p0rn or nudie bars?
    With those restrictions, I wish you the best of luck.
    198? Colnago Super (Campy Record) | 1989 Eddy Merckx 7-Eleven Team Issue (Dura Ace) | Catamount MFS (1x8) | Top Image Neptune (SS)

  24. #24
    Painfully average. calv's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Oakland/Davis, CA
    My Bikes
    all city mr pink
    Posts
    2,536
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    does he like games or something? play some fighting games or something.

  25. #25
    location:northern Ohio
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    3,568
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Snicklefritz View Post
    Any other suggestions that don't involve booze, hookers, p0rn or nudie bars?
    I feel my mature post (#13) falls within your ethical guidelines.
    What,you can't spends $25 to cheer your brother up cheepskate?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •