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Old 08-16-10, 12:02 PM   #1
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Is this Creepy or Cool?

I was speaking with my mother yesterday. I had not heard from my one sister in a while and asked my mom about her. That usually means she is hiding something or up to no good. Turns out she has reconnected with an old boyfriend on FaceBook and has been "busy".

Here's the deal with that. In college, my sister dated alot of men (I mean alot) until she settled on her husband. This one fellow she date until she met the husband and then she dropped the guy like a hot potato. Fast forward 30 years... My sister's husband tragically died 4 years ago. She has been foundering for some time and very guilty and depressed about his death. This guy apparently never got over my sister dropping him. He got married, but divorced after 18 years. He wrote a book about my sister called something like "My One and Only" or something odd like that. The book talks about how my sister was his only real love. Although his wife is OK, he never got over my sister and always thought and dreamed about her. The book talks about how this affected his life because he always longed for my sister.

Apparently he has been checking for my sister on FB. When she began posting a couple of years ago, he got in touch. They have been dating since. My sister has never mentioned this guy to me. Her kids haven't either. Apparently her oldest is angry she is now seeing this guy and its caused alot of family drama (I so hate the drama!!!).

My mom never liked the guy - she thought he was creepy 30 years ago. She was really happy my sister found her husband and dropped the creepy guy. She's alittle upset the guy is now back but isn't saying anything 'cause my sister is an adult.

My sister is not known to make good choices in life. It's one thing to think fondly of a past relationship but its another thing to pine and obsess about someone for 30 years. I find it down right creepy and stalker like.

Your opinions? If you found out some guy won't a book about you and how he wants you - is that romantic or weird (it's weird to me).
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Old 08-16-10, 12:24 PM   #2
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Is your sister an adult?
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Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
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Old 08-16-10, 12:34 PM   #3
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1) That's creepy.
2) Was it you that told RubenX he was airing too much of his dirty laundry or was that someone else?
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Old 08-16-10, 12:38 PM   #4
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It's creepy. I'm going to go out on a limb and paraphrase a past psychology professor of mine, "If a longing for a lost relationship lasts longer then three years, then it probably isn't love."
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Old 08-16-10, 12:42 PM   #5
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I've an ex I think about all the time. I'm probably creepy, though. Maybe not quite creepy enough to write an entire book about it.

Oh, and after being with her for 3 years on one stint and another couple years on another, I'm not about try for third time's a charm. She invites me over from time to time, but luckily I'm always busy.

It hasn't quite been 3 years since the end of the second stint, yet, so I guess I'm yet not ready for the couch, according to Grill's prof.
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Old 08-16-10, 12:53 PM   #6
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it's not unheard of for old flames to reconnect much later in life. my brother divorced and married his HS sweetheart after he had 4 kids who are in their 20s and she has grandchildren! my brother got in trouble a lot as a kid - not creepy but just ran around with problem kids - he got his sh*t together and hes a good guy - his new wife didn't go to college but made a career with the postal service - nothing fancy but solid. they're both very happy now.

I would it depends on the individuals. do some checking on the guy to put your mind at ease and you'd better invite him and your sister over for dinner. keep them both close to the family if you can.
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Old 08-16-10, 12:55 PM   #7
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Sounds like they are perfect for each other (not being sarcastic).

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and its caused alot of family drama (I so hate the drama!!!).
Are you sure? All of your posts/threads seem pretty dramatic, then you talk about how you hate drama in almost every post. just sayin'.
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Old 08-16-10, 01:44 PM   #8
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What is creepy about the guy? Other than the fact that he was pining for your sister, did he do something else that made him creepy?

Some people put old loves on a pedestal. It looks like he did that, but if they've been secretly dating for a couple of years, things must be working out for them.
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Old 08-16-10, 01:59 PM   #9
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1. guy gets dumped by chic
2. guy knows chic marries someone else
3. guy writes book about chic
4. guy pines after chic for 30-years

Basically this is a guy who can't deal with reality, can't get on with life and has wasted 30-years of his life. He has no respect or love for himself. I think he needs professional psychiatric help.
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Old 08-16-10, 02:03 PM   #10
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He's pinin' for the fjords!


Seriously now, I vote creepy. But just let them go... it's not like they're going to mess each other up any more.
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Old 08-16-10, 02:47 PM   #11
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Some people put old loves on a pedestal.
Just the head.

They use the rest to make the skin suit.
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Old 08-16-10, 03:04 PM   #12
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In recent years, I have read so much about people using the Internet and Facebook to reconnect with old sweethearts, that it no longer seems that unusual. If your sister is a competent adult, and she seems happy with her current relationship, then you should be happy for her.
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Old 08-16-10, 03:29 PM   #13
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In recent years, I have read so much about people using the Internet and Facebook to reconnect with old sweethearts, that it no longer seems that unusual. If your sister is a competent adult, and she seems happy with her current relationship, then you should be happy for her.
A very good point, but that first part has been questioned many times by the OP in other threads.
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Old 08-16-10, 03:38 PM   #14
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Oh, this is foo!

Sex and poo.

Let 'em date!
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Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
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Old 08-16-10, 03:48 PM   #15
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What is creepy about the guy? Other than the fact that he was pining for your sister, did he do something else that made him creepy?

Some people put old loves on a pedestal. It looks like he did that, but if they've been secretly dating for a couple of years, things must be working out for them.
Initially this sounds creepy to me too, but if they've been able to date for a few years and still be happy (ie, long enough for reality to reappear) without harming anyone then it sounds like they're a couple of adults making adult decisions. There's some country song about unanswered prayers that they probably don't like, but that's their choice.
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Old 08-17-10, 08:05 AM   #16
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1. guy gets dumped by chic
2. guy knows chic marries someone else
3. guy writes book about chic
4. guy pines after chic for 30-years
Wasn't this an episode of Parenthood or something last fall? I don't watch any TV, but my wife does and she keeps me up until midnight every night telling me all about the plots of her shows...
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Old 08-17-10, 08:09 AM   #17
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1) That's creepy.
2) Was it you that told RubenX he was airing too much of his dirty laundry or was that someone else?
I say this thread needs pics of sister.... that is all
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Old 08-17-10, 12:23 PM   #18
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Crackerjab always likes pictures of sisters.
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Old 08-17-10, 12:52 PM   #19
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It's interesting to read this... I sortof agree with Danno - to me there is something wrong with the guy. I know there is something wrong with my sister! BYW both are in their 50's so yes adults, old enough to know better.

I understand alot of people reconnect through social media. But usually, I think that's a whim or happy accident isn't it?

And I am not airing out my dirty laundry this all belongs to my sister. I think I will stay out of it...way out of it. My sister continues to make poor decisions in her life... nothing I can do about that. I did try at one time but she got mad and ignore my advice. At some point, people need to learn by making and cleaning up there own mistakes.

Some time back an old boyfriend contacted me through Classmates.com. It was nice to find out what he is now doing (he is married) but then he wanted to get "reacquainted". There is a reason we aren't together then an now and I told him "no thank you, too much time has past and let us move on with our lives..." Thankfully I never heard from him again. There is no one I dumped in my past that I ever want to see again. Why would I?
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Old 08-17-10, 12:54 PM   #20
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If your sister is a competent adult,.....
She is an adult... THat's all I can say about her.
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Old 08-17-10, 12:59 PM   #21
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There's some country song about unanswered prayers that they probably don't like, but that's their choice.
I used to really like that song.
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Old 08-17-10, 01:00 PM   #22
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Not creepy to me.

Glad they got back together.

Life goes on ....
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Old 08-17-10, 01:44 PM   #23
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OK glad you think so... It's not my business and I just hope everything turns out OK.
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Old 08-17-10, 01:50 PM   #24
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Some time back an old boyfriend contacted me through Classmates.com. It was nice to find out what he is now doing (he is married) but then he wanted to get "reacquainted". There is a reason we aren't together then an now and I told him "no thank you, too much time has past and let us move on with our lives..." Thankfully I never heard from him again. There is no one I dumped in my past that I ever want to see again. Why would I?
Are you sure that he didn't just want to be friends? Lunch with you, him and his wife could have been nice. As seasons change so do people. Perhaps he just wanted to see whatever happened to Pam.

Matter of fact, just yesterday I ran into my Sensei's wife. I helped out a lot at the dojo and she wanted even more out of me, to the point where Martial Arts was starting to take over my life. I moved on....but when I saw her (she saw me first) it seemed like she wanted to reconnect. I don't hate her or anything, so I gave her my number. We shall see how this pans out. If she still proves to be someone I dont' want in my life, I'll just tell it was nice catching up and I wish her well.
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Old 08-17-10, 02:09 PM   #25
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It's interesting to read this... I sortof agree with Danno - to me there is something wrong with the guy. I know there is something wrong with my sister! BYW both are in their 50's so yes adults, old enough to know better.
Heh, my dad just turned 60 and if someone heard our conversations but couldn't see us, you would think he and I were the opposite person. He's an irresponsible, naive teenager and I am the adult who keeps him out of trouble (in fact, he called two nights ago needing help...again. I stopped helping him a while ago, but he hasn't gotten it yet). My point is that I have learned that 50 doesn't mean "adult" necessarily.

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And I am not airing out my dirty laundry this all belongs to my sister. I think I will stay out of it...way out of it. My sister continues to make poor decisions in her life... nothing I can do about that.
You are an extremely interesting person for reasons I can't articulate. Not in a bad way, so don't worry.
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