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Thread: Chimp vs Man

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    Chimp vs Man

    Those cute little chimpanzees are on average twice as strong as an average human being.

    What kind of man would it take to beat a chimp into submission in a hands only fight? A martial arts expert, a bodybuilder, a navy seal or a Jamaican sprinter?
    You fixed my flat tire and now my light doesn't work, so...

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    I remember there was a special called "Man vs Beast" and they had a Navy SEAL compete through an obstacle course against a chimp. The man won.

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    I go I go I go I go I go Cglenny's Avatar
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    Probably anybody. Does a chimp know how to throw punches? Wouldn't it just sit there?

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    Senior Member illdthedj's Avatar
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    dood they got the crazy arm flail attack. also, you ever see 2010 space odyssey? they got the whole bone club thing ON LOCK.
    "Never argue with an idiot. He'll only bring you down to his level, then beat you with experience..."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cglenny View Post
    Probably anybody. Does a chimp know how to throw punches? Wouldn't it just sit there?
    Chimps are amazingly smart predators, they will always go for a weak spot. They will gouge your eyes out, go straight for you man (or lady) parts, bite, etc. (Or so I've read)

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    Are we talking about a wild chimp, or one that's been sitting on a couch watching tv and smoking cigars?

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    Guitar Master Crappymonkey's Avatar
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    I would never want to fight a chimp. I heard they go for your eyes and while you are blind they chew off your hands and feet

    I'd post that video of the of the interview with the lady who was attacked by the chimp that ate her face but it's too scary for me

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    Veteran Bastard Scrodzilla's Avatar
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    This doesn't have anything to do with anything.

    Moving to Foo.

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    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Chimp would win hands down in unarmed combat. Stronger, more agile, and when angered, chimps are ruthless. A common tactic is to rip off the genitalia of the adversary.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

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    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    I'd bet on jsharr! No way the man wins.

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    Dolce far niente bigbossman's Avatar
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    I saw an interview with a man who had been attacked by a Chimpanzee. The damage I remember off hand...

    The chimp chewed off his nose, lips, and one ear, gouged out one eye, bit off most of his fingers, and ripped his testicles off.

    So, to answer the question - the sprinter would have the best chance of beating a chimp - provided he had a good enough head start, was really fleet of foot, and didn't trip and fall.
    "Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, it’s the triumphant twang of a bedspring."

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    Administrator Allen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    Chimp would win hands down in unarmed combat. Stronger, more agile, and when angered, chimps are ruthless. A common tactic is to rip off the genitalia of the adversary.
    All hail the pointy stick!

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    Powerful-Ugly Creature Greyryder's Avatar
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    This is a job for only one man.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Burton
    When some wild eyed eight foot tall maniac grabs you by the throat and taps the back of your favorite head head against the barroom wall, and he looks crooked in the eye, and he ask you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."

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    Member 909Rider's Avatar
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    When Chimps go to sleep at night, they check their closet for Chuck Norris.

  15. #15
    surly old man jgedwa's Avatar
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    Don't be too quick to bet against the humans. Ever wonder why the Romans had to stop humans from fighting bears, dogs, lions and the like? It was because it was too expensive to keep replacing the animals. Evidently the only way to reasonably ensure the human lost was to make them fight a pack of dogs. Most other animals will kill to eat, but are not all that interested in killing for other reasons. Even a lion is likely to just pee itself in a corner. We will keep looking for an angle to cause pain, however.

    Reflect on human physiology some. We have large muscle masses in our legs, shoulders and butts. Yet we are poor climbers, runners, and jumpers. What is all that muscle for? Its for kicking the crap out of other animals. Ever wonder why we have these massive brains but really do a poor job of reading the environment around us? But we are geniuses at being mean. Punching is for the circus. If you want to win use those legs and shoulders and your butt.

    Really, about the worst animal to have backed into a blind alley is one of our own.

    jim
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bone Machine View Post
    Are we talking about a wild chimp, or one that's been sitting on a couch watching tv and smoking cigars?
    Even those can put a hurt on a person.

    http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chi...ack/index.html

  17. #17
    Senior Member kknh3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greyryder View Post
    This is a job for only one man.

    That's one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. I remember as a kid seeing him on all of the afternoon game shows. Who knew CNR was so bad.

  18. #18
    Senior Member kknh3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Batavus View Post
    Those cute little chimpanzees are on average twice as strong as an average human being.

    What kind of man would it take to beat a chimp into submission in a hands only fight? A martial arts expert, a bodybuilder, a navy seal or a Jamaican sprinter?
    The person who can arrange this fight for real and put it on PPV without going to jail will be very rich.

  19. #19
    Look! My Spine! RubenX's Avatar
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    not this guy...



    not sure about the navy seal either...

    "Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cglenny View Post
    Probably anybody. Does a chimp know how to throw punches? Wouldn't it just sit there?
    Yeah, let me know how that goes.

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