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Old 09-28-04, 03:09 PM   #1
jayroc
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Hey, I have a problem with a friend. She was going to move in with me next month, and now she doesn't want to. The problem is that now she wants to live with an old friend of hers, who is THIRTY TWO! I mean, she's only 20! And, he's known her since she was 13!(her family lives down the block from his family). I mean this guy only wants one thing, and I don't want her to come crying when the reality hits her in the face. I don't what the hell to do about this, if I should just let her make the mistake, or try to intervene or what. This guy is coming back home from across the country, and so he won't even have a job. She works 40 hrs/wk, so we know who's gonna be payin' for this. This is messed up...
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Old 09-28-04, 03:18 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by jayroc
and so he won't even have a job.
this should set the alarms off! never, ever, at anytime, should anyone move in with someone who doesn't have a job. i don't know all the circumstances of course, but this sounds like a huge mistake. 32 year old unemployed males shouldn't be persuading 20 yr old young working women to move in with them. she can make her own decision obviously, but if i were you i'd let her know you think it's a mistake. that's what friends are supposed to do.
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Old 09-28-04, 03:54 PM   #3
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...you could also lure her to your place with a present...
What kind of advice is this?!
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Old 09-28-04, 04:19 PM   #4
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Just when I thought I got close to figuring them out, they do this kind of stupid stuff. I am 50 yrs old and believe me, I have seen/done some really stupid shiate. You can NOT tell a 20 yr old anything. Period. Even from all your worldly knowledge, it is like talking to your limp dizick.
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Old 09-28-04, 07:12 PM   #5
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Ride your bike more. I tend to lose my problems out on the roads and trails, never to be found again.
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Old 09-28-04, 07:13 PM   #6
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Your friend is 20? SHe sounds like a naive little 12 year old. At 20 I was no woman of the world, but even I would have thought better of moving in with a 32 year old loser, even as a 'friend'. But i've seen so many women do such stupid moronic things where men are concerned and you can't tell them anything. WHat I think is that their parents fail to educate them about the world around them- I think girls that age are so sheltered nowadays, they're raised like hothouse flowers and then thrown into the world with a bunch of credit cards. Oh well, let her make her mistakes- if she has any brains she;ll learn something.
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Old 09-28-04, 07:23 PM   #7
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Oh, and ditch your friends. Friends cause problems, unless they are like minded.
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Old 09-28-04, 07:32 PM   #8
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Sometimes you gotta let them stick their finger in the socket.
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Old 09-28-04, 07:42 PM   #9
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you really can't do much. you can talk to her a bit. but you run the risk of loosing her. if she does not want to hear it is she going to listen? sand but true.
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Old 09-28-04, 08:42 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MERTON
you could also lure her to your place with a present of some sort i guess. :/
Merton's most insightful post. Sums up a lot of women I know.

As to jayroc, what does the 32yo dude have that you don't? And just what is it that you do want for the girl? First you don't want her to move in with him. Then you don't want her to come crying to you when reality hits her in the face.

Maybe the 32yo down-and-out dude understands her better than you, and that's what she finds more attractive?
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Old 09-28-04, 09:22 PM   #11
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Sometimes you gotta let them stick their finger in the socket.
Sometimes more then once.
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Old 09-28-04, 09:35 PM   #12
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I do care for her, and that's why this is so hard. She says I have issues, but I can see now that I need to move on. I mean, I don't want her to make this mistake, but at the same time, I think I need her to see the result of this. Her parents know BTW, and they don't care. I dunno, I think i'll just forget about it. I just don't like to see people I care about make dumb decisions.
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Old 09-28-04, 09:45 PM   #13
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Quick question -- is she really that naive, or is she fully aware of what she's getting herself in for and quite happy to do it? Don't rule out the latter option as a possibility -- plenty of women around here are quite content to stay with unemployed losers because of their looks or whatever -- even if that unemployed loser abuses them in public. Hey, don't take my word for it, go and queue at Centrelink in Southport on dole form day and watch it happen with your own eyes.

You know her better than any of us do, but the question you need to ask yourself is whether this might really be all she wants out of life.
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Old 09-28-04, 10:52 PM   #14
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yep, basically lett her do her own thing, but make sure she understands that you do think it's a pretty bad idea.

just don't go waving the "i told you so card" you have every right to wave when she comes back all hurt...women tend to not react in a rational manner when the ITYS card is thrown in their general direction.

One of the women I used ot hang out with in the past was very much like that...but it wasnt some 32 year old or moving in with them, it was just terrible choices in boyfriends. Basically she chose the worst possible men and really it disturbed me and every other friend of hers. Some women jsut make no sense...as long as you can accept that, then the world will make far more sense
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Old 09-28-04, 11:17 PM   #15
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Why is everyone typifying this guy as a 'loser'. So he's moving from across the country - of course he won't have a job, at first. No-one knows that this will be a mistake until it happens. Seems to me it's equally likely to all work out fine. 32 and twenty isn't such a big deal. My brother is marrying a girl soon that's about ten years younger than him.

Seems to me that the only real current problem here is that jayroc's been bitten by the old Green-eyed Dragon. My advice to jayroc: let her do what she wants. If it's a mistake, so be it. In the meantime, perhaps you should examine exactly why you are getting upset over this.
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Old 09-28-04, 11:18 PM   #16
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Some women just make no sense...
Only some?
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Old 09-29-04, 01:55 AM   #17
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Why is everyone typifying this guy as a 'loser'. So he's moving from across the country - of course he won't have a job, at first. No-one knows that this will be a mistake until it happens. Seems to me it's equally likely to all work out fine. 32 and twenty isn't such a big deal. My brother is marrying a girl soon that's about ten years younger than him.

Seems to me that the only real current problem here is that jayroc's been bitten by the old Green-eyed Dragon. My advice to jayroc: let her do what she wants. If it's a mistake, so be it. In the meantime, perhaps you should examine exactly why you are getting upset over this.
This has got to be by far the best advice in this thread.

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Old 09-29-04, 05:37 AM   #18
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Now I am older and Iíve loved many women
There were even a few that loved me,
But I always knew when it was time to let go
And the time to set someone free.

I will admit there were times when it hurt
But I told myself wounds always heal,
You donít have control of the one who is leaving
But you do have control of the way that you feel.


From The Winners in Love by E. David Moulton
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Old 09-29-04, 10:13 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trekkie820
Oh, and ditch your friends. Friends cause problems, unless they are like minded.
agreed. as i get older i continue to shed friends like a dog sheds fur for the summer. you need quality friends not quantity.
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Old 09-29-04, 10:57 AM   #20
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hmmn... 32 year old who moves in with 20 year old sugar mama = loser? hmmmnnnnnn.

look at it this way, when she does come crawling back to you, she'll probably be alot better in bed.

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Old 09-29-04, 11:24 AM   #21
jayroc
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Seems to me that the only real current problem here is that jayroc's been bitten by the old Green-eyed Dragon. My advice to jayroc: let her do what she wants. If it's a mistake, so be it. In the meantime, perhaps you should examine exactly why you are getting upset over this.
yeah, I know, we had a long talk last night, and she says that she's going to try it out. she says she doesn't have feelings for this guy, and I guess it's her decision. I'm only ever trying to help her, you know, make sure it's gonna be okay.
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Old 09-29-04, 12:35 PM   #22
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yeah, I know, we had a long talk last night, and she says that she's going to try it out. she says she doesn't have feelings for this guy, and I guess it's her decision. I'm only ever trying to help her, you know, make sure it's gonna be okay.
this sounds like a case of nice guy finishes last. don't be a friend if she's not looking for one. she agreed to move in with you, then said you had issues, then decided to move in with this guy against common sence. i'd say you did enough - let her come to you if she needs anything. otherwise, occupy yourself with other people and things and be there for her if\when it doesn't work out.
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Old 09-29-04, 01:13 PM   #23
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This is a classic case of guy meets girl and before long there is a lot of Pillow Pushing and Indoor Body Surfing going on. Then girl decides she wants to see other people, and the guy has to deal with the harsh reality that he is no longer getting any. To make matters worse there is the realization that someone else is now packing her shorts.

Next thing happens; guy goes crazy. If you donít believe me watch any episode of ďCopsĒ on TV and I guarantee all the domestic disturbance calls they get follow the above scenario. Remember there is a very thin line between pursuing a woman and stalking. I donít believe youíve got to that stage yet, but you are only a short step away.

It is tough and weíve all been there, but the sooner you drop this chick and move on the better off you will be. If this kind of thing has happened before, ask yourself why? And make the necessary changes in yourself so it doesnít happen again. You canít change others; you can only change yourself.
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Old 09-29-04, 02:36 PM   #24
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Old one goes all up in the clubs to learn this "speak".
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