Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 40
  1. #1
    la vache fantôme phantomcow2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    NH
    Posts
    6,266
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Mutual attraction, but I don't want to be in a relationship. Ethical question.

    For the past year I have been categorically opposed to being in any form of a romantic relationship. I don't want to have to think about another person when I make decisions, or be expected to see the other person on a regular basis. I've casually dated people I have met at college parties, but haven't let it last more than a couple of weeks. Oh and it hasn't been exclusive.

    Recently I met someone. She is best friends with a mutual friend of ours, who informs me she is attracted to me and almost certainly wants a relationship. I've been hanging out with her; she has slept over a few times this week. I'm loosely considering exclusivity with her, and was hoping that spending time together would help me decide. The ethical part of this situation exists because it's entirely possible I wont want to date her at all, but in the mean time I feel like I'm kind of leading her on -- getting her hopes up, if you will. I'm definitely into her, I just don't know if I want to date her.

    What is the right thing to do? Do I continue to be indecisive, knowing that there is a chance I may want to embark on a relationship, all the while knowing I wont want anything more? Or do I stop everything and tell her this?
    C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run

  2. #2
    Senior Member Ziemas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Riga, Latvia
    Posts
    10,048
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    That's how relationships work; you don't know if you want to continue until you try it out. Even for engineers.

  3. #3
    WTF is that smell? crackerjab's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Charlotte, NC
    Posts
    449
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Be straight forward and as matter of fact about it as possible.
    Your turtle skirt is exposing your FUPA.

  4. #4
    Old enough to know better willmw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    East Central GA, USA
    My Bikes
    Haro Heartland Express LE, Dawes Lightning 1000
    Posts
    29
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I think I may be too old-fashioned for this thread.
    Dangit, I almost only post in Foo, so my post count is abysmal.

  5. #5
    Immoderator KrisPistofferson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    POS Tennessee
    My Bikes
    Gary Fisher Simple City 8, Litespeed Obed
    Posts
    7,596
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Drink boiling water.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bikeforums
    Your rights end where another poster's feelings begin.

  6. #6
    Senior Member LesterOfPuppets's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Vancouver, USA
    My Bikes
    My War
    Posts
    19,454
    Mentioned
    28 Post(s)
    Tagged
    7 Thread(s)
    ****!
    1980ish Free Spirit Sunbird fixed * 1996 Mongoose IBOC Zero-G * 1997 KHS Comp * 1990-ish Scapin * Lemond Buenos Aires Triple

  7. #7
    Senior Member LesterOfPuppets's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Vancouver, USA
    My Bikes
    My War
    Posts
    19,454
    Mentioned
    28 Post(s)
    Tagged
    7 Thread(s)
    Oh my! I didn't know we couldn't say the acronym for South Lake Union Trolley here. Sorry 'bout that.
    1980ish Free Spirit Sunbird fixed * 1996 Mongoose IBOC Zero-G * 1997 KHS Comp * 1990-ish Scapin * Lemond Buenos Aires Triple

  8. #8
    Super Moderator Allen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Atomic batteries to power; turbines to speed
    My Bikes
    Salsa La Raza, Panasonic Electric, Bria, Bamboo touring, Bamboo cargo
    Posts
    4,682
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    You are about to learn the wrath of woman.
    It's an important lesson and usually falls somewhere between the wrath of bees and the wrath of bears.
    Quote Originally Posted by unterhausen
    I believe that in this case "solid meh" means "so 'meh' that it could never be anything more than 'meh', and yet also no less than 'meh' -- in a word, exactly 'meh'"

  9. #9
    la vache fantôme phantomcow2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    NH
    Posts
    6,266
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by LesterOfPuppets View Post
    Oh my! I didn't know we couldn't say the acronym for South Lake Union Trolley here. Sorry 'bout that.
    Lololol she's not one of those.
    C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run

  10. #10
    la vache fantôme phantomcow2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    NH
    Posts
    6,266
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by AllenG View Post
    You are about to learn the wrath of woman.
    It's an important lesson and usually falls somewhere between the wrath of bees and the wrath of bears.

    I've actually begun to understand the wrath of a woman -- it's part of why I've been avoiding serious relationships with them.
    C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run

  11. #11
    Senior Member LesterOfPuppets's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Vancouver, USA
    My Bikes
    My War
    Posts
    19,454
    Mentioned
    28 Post(s)
    Tagged
    7 Thread(s)
    Oh, I wasn't talking about her.....
    1980ish Free Spirit Sunbird fixed * 1996 Mongoose IBOC Zero-G * 1997 KHS Comp * 1990-ish Scapin * Lemond Buenos Aires Triple

  12. #12
    la vache fantôme phantomcow2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    NH
    Posts
    6,266
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by LesterOfPuppets View Post
    Oh, I wasn't talking about her.....
    You're only in college once .
    C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run

  13. #13
    Super Moderator Allen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Atomic batteries to power; turbines to speed
    My Bikes
    Salsa La Raza, Panasonic Electric, Bria, Bamboo touring, Bamboo cargo
    Posts
    4,682
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by phantomcow2 View Post

    I've actually begun to understand the wrath of a woman -- it's part of why I've been avoiding serious relationships with them.
    The second part of the lesson is learning there is no way to avoid it. Sooner or later you always find yourself wearing a shirt made of sharpened cats.
    Buck up and endure. Straightforward and honest is the only path.
    Quote Originally Posted by unterhausen
    I believe that in this case "solid meh" means "so 'meh' that it could never be anything more than 'meh', and yet also no less than 'meh' -- in a word, exactly 'meh'"

  14. #14
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    On the bridge with Picard
    My Bikes
    Specialized Allez, Specialized Sirrus
    Posts
    5,718
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by AllenG View Post
    The second part of the lesson is learning there is no way to avoid it. Sooner or later you always find yourself wearing a shirt made of sharpened cats.
    Buck up and endure. Straightforward and honest is the only path.
    No way to avoid it? How about not leading her on?

    I never thought of the cat shirt idea - thanks!
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    So Tom only hires people that are nutty? Is part of the requirement to be a moderator on this site is that you have to be nuts??
    Forum Guidelines *click here*

  15. #15
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Just NW of Richardson Bike Mart
    My Bikes
    '05 Trek 1200 / '90 Trek 8000 / '? Falcon Europa
    Posts
    6,082
    Mentioned
    11 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by phantomcow2 View Post
    Lololol she's not one of those.
    He was not talking about I her, just so you know. EDIT, just read the thread after posting the first thing that came to mind and find that I am once again, late to the draw. glad this was not a *** fight.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  16. #16
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
    My Bikes
    to many to list
    Posts
    6,096
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by phantomcow2 View Post
    For the past year I have been categorically opposed to being in any form of a romantic relationship. I don't want to have to think about another person when I make decisions, or be expected to see the other person on a regular basis. I've casually dated people I have met at college parties, but haven't let it last more than a couple of weeks. Oh and it hasn't been exclusive.

    Recently I met someone. She is best friends with a mutual friend of ours, who informs me she is attracted to me and almost certainly wants a relationship. I've been hanging out with her; she has slept over a few times this week. I'm loosely considering exclusivity with her, and was hoping that spending time together would help me decide. The ethical part of this situation exists because it's entirely possible I wont want to date her at all, but in the mean time I feel like I'm kind of leading her on -- getting her hopes up, if you will. I'm definitely into her, I just don't know if I want to date her.

    What is the right thing to do? Do I continue to be indecisive, knowing that there is a chance I may want to embark on a relationship, all the while knowing I wont want anything more? Or do I stop everything and tell her this?
    Dude, you have no choice in the matter, when/if its time it'll just happen and you'll have absolutely no control over it.
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  17. #17
    BF's Level 12 Wizard SingingSabre's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Tucson, AZ
    My Bikes
    Diamondback Sorrento turned Xtracycle commuter
    Posts
    1,414
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by crackerjab View Post
    Be straight forward and as matter of fact about it as possible.
    This.

    Talk to her. It's all about communication.
    Shameless plug (my sites):
    Photography
    Vanity
    Quote Originally Posted by Bklyn
    Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.

  18. #18
    I'm a Cyclist! Missbumble's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Boca Raton
    My Bikes
    Specialized Dolce Elite
    Posts
    1,397
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Truth & Honesty - tell her how you feel so she can go in with eyes wide open.

  19. #19
    Senior Member DannoXYZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Saratoga, CA
    Posts
    11,495
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Tell her you just want to be friends... in fewer words than that. I've gotten it down to three words...

  20. #20
    location:northern Ohio
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    3,568
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Cheating on the Landlady eh?

    With that "Kramer"hairdo of yours be thankfull for whatever comes down the pike
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  21. #21
    Senior Member JonnyHK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hong Kong
    My Bikes
    Baum Romano, Colossi xCr, Lynskey Crosstown
    Posts
    1,924
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by AllenG View Post
    ... wearing a shirt made of sharpened cats.
    Yikes! Yowwwww!

    Crikey Allen - that just conjured up all manner of scary images.

  22. #22
    motovation frankenmike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Dover, NH
    My Bikes
    rigid 29er moto, s-works stumpjumper fsr,black fixie,masi roadbike, ugly old hardrock commuter
    Posts
    1,250
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    The whole cake and eating it too thing, best of luck with that...no seriously.

  23. #23
    Fax Transport Specialist black_box's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    chicago burbs
    My Bikes
    '07 fuji cross pro, '10 gary fisher x-caliber
    Posts
    783
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by DannoXYZ View Post
    Tell her you just want to be friends... in fewer words than that. I've gotten it down to three words...
    "let's just ****." ?? or does the contraction count as 2 words? damn!

    to the OP, you have to talk to her about it.

  24. #24
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Minneapolis, MN
    Posts
    176
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by willmw View Post
    I think I may be too old-fashioned for this thread.
    Me, too!!

    Already slept over a few times. But doesn't know if it's a relationship. Leading on. Spending time together.

    These words...how do they go together in the same thought????

  25. #25
    la vache fantôme phantomcow2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    NH
    Posts
    6,266
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by SonataInFSharp View Post
    Me, too!!

    Already slept over a few times. But doesn't know if it's a relationship. Leading on. Spending time together.

    These words...how do they go together in the same thought????
    Hahaha. I don't really now how to respond. I don't think college is the place for serious relationships; better to have a good sampling to maximize your experience by the time you're out of college. That said, we've both been texting each other a whole lot. It's been almost two weeks and we still seem to enjoy each other's company; I expect it will lead into something exclusive soon. Thanks for the replies, all .
    C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •