Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Results 1 to 18 of 18
  1. #1
    Support JDRF b_young's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Arkansas
    My Bikes
    Specialized Sirrus, Specialized Roubaix Elite
    Posts
    855
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Long term baby sitting.

    A woman and her baby have come into our lives and it keeps getting more complicated. My wife was teaching an arobic class at church for some women in rehab. One was pregnant. I could tell we were going to get involved from the start. After baby was born mom had to serve time and asked if we would help watch baby. We agreed. Grandma was going to watch him most of the time but we would help as needed. Grandma ended up watching him 2-3 days and we would have 2-3 weeks. Babies mom has been out a couple of months and we still took him every once in a while to give her a break. The babies dad is out of the picture, he went back to his wife and kids. This weekend mom went back to the pokey and we have him again. We do not know how long she has to serve. Court date is a month out.

    Thats a little background here is the question. I have no legal right to have this child. Basically I am a baby sitter for Grandma but will have him most of the time. Should I try to get temporary guardianship or something? I am not sure if or what kind of trouble could arise. I know who would be keeping him if we didn't and he will be much better off with us. I am in my 40's and do not want to adopt or try to take permanant custody. I just don't want DHS to show up one day and take him.

    What say you FOO?
    "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift that is why it is called the present." - Kung Fu Panda

    http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt...1LG/weight.png

  2. #2
    long time visiter Alfster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SW Ontario
    My Bikes
    2005 Trek 6700 disc 2007 Orbea Onix 2009 Raleigh One Way
    Posts
    586
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    My personal opinion is that both you and your wife are amazing people. Not too many people would help others in need to that extent. Well done! That said, I also think you're putting yourselves at risk by not getting the authorities (Child Welfare) involved. Obviously the mother needs to be assessed by professionals to determine if she's a fit mother at this point in time. Something keeps getting her sent back to jail, whether addiction or circumstance, which is putting her baby at risk. I think the mother needs to get her life back on track before looking after her child. I do understand your concern about the father also not being a fit father. However that's not your call to make. You may have been fed faulty information about the father from the mother. Who knows. Anyhow, good luck in whatever you decide. I wish there were more caring people like you out there.

  3. #3
    Look! My Spine! RubenX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Winter Springs, FL
    Posts
    539
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Alfster View Post
    My personal opinion is that both you and your wife are amazing people. Not too many people would help others in need to that extent. Well done! That said, I also think you're putting yourselves at risk by not getting the authorities (Child Welfare) involved. Obviously the mother needs to be assessed by professionals to determine if she's a fit mother at this point in time. Something keeps getting her sent back to jail, whether addiction or circumstance, which is putting her baby at risk. I think the mother needs to get her life back on track before looking after her child. I do understand your concern about the father also not being a fit father. However that's not your call to make. You may have been fed faulty information about the father from the mother. Who knows. Anyhow, good luck in whatever you decide. I wish there were more caring people like you out there.
    OP and his wifey are indeed GREAT people, all my kudos, support and the best of luck. But I also think that the daddy story needs to be verified.

    If daddy has other kids, it is my humble opinion that those kids have the right to know his baby brother and vice-versa. I would try to approach the daddy with that. It would also be an opportunity to verify the daddy's story and to form some kind of relationship with the guy. After all, if the situation escalates to adoption, you will NEED daddy's approval.

    If daddy is really a deadbeat dad, he might be in favor of your adoption... that will legally free him from any child support obligations.
    "Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes

  4. #4
    Caustic Soccer Mom apclassic9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Millstone WV
    Posts
    1,761
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Call CChild Welfare and strongly indicate that you would be happy to be foster parents.
    As with mud, life, too, slides by.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Minneapolis, MN
    Posts
    176
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    While I agree that the OP(s) are amazing people, it sounds like they are enabling the situation without realizing it.

    The OP needs to look into legal options because no matter how nice they are at this point, they also open themselves up greatly to major trouble or liability if...well...for any number of possible reasons that no one deeply involed with the situation could imagine at this point.

    What is best for the kid, long term? Not best for the kid this week, next week, this month, this year, but long-term (e.g. its whole life, which is very formable[?] now).

    Why can't the grandmother take the kid more?

    What is really with the father's story? "Going back to wife and kids" doesn't mean "gets out of baby duty". If mother simply doesn't want daddy in the picture, well, she doesn't seem to be in a position for that to be her disicion to make at this point.

    I know this isn't very articulate, but I am speaking from direct observation: my dad has this thing for young, single mothers. Whenever he meets one, he sends them money (even though he hardly knows them), he watches their kids, he lets them live with him, etc. He thinks he is being an amazing dude by helping these women, but he is actually helping them be even less responsible and enabling even more issues; he is so caught up in his own "look at how awesome I am for helping these women"** that he is blinded to what he is really doing to harm himself and the women and ultimately the youngs kids.

    **I am not implying that the OP is taking in the kid for the "look at how awesome we are" attitude; I was simply using that to illustrate my dad's situation, however this may be part of it, too, without anyone realizing it or daring enough to ask.

  6. #6
    Support JDRF b_young's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Arkansas
    My Bikes
    Specialized Sirrus, Specialized Roubaix Elite
    Posts
    855
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Here is the deal with the dad. The baby was 3 weeks premature. He was at Childrens hospital for 2 months. Dad came to visit once. Later mom was at a court appearance and the judge informed her dad gave up all legal right to the child. He went back to his wife and I since then they have separated. Both mom's are in touch with each other and want the kids to know each other. Grandma could watch him more but, she is single and still works as a nurse on weekends and basically just too lazy. Grandpa lives out of state and helps sends money for food and supplies. We told him it is not needed but makes him feel better.
    I think a child should be with its parents. So I will give mom chances. She was doing well with rehab. The problem was after she left, she moved back with her mom and to the town with all of her old friends. Guess what, they still do all the same old things. We expressed our concerns to her mom and she insisted it was all under control. Now she is back in jail. We live an hour and a half away and have a college in town. After she gets out this time, I am going to suggest that they send her here and take classes. I would rather help watch him while mom is in school and not jail. If they don't at least do something to get her away from her old friends I will have to start looking at getting completely away from it or look into child welfare. I just don't like the ideal of being in my 60's and having a kid in high school. I would do whatever is needed, I just still have hope mom will finally grow up.
    What legal issues do you think I am setting myself up for? That is my main concern right now.
    "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift that is why it is called the present." - Kung Fu Panda

    http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt...1LG/weight.png

  7. #7
    Look! My Spine! RubenX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Winter Springs, FL
    Posts
    539
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    A father can get off the child support hook by going to court and giving up legal rights to his child?

    (PS: I do know the answer to that question)
    "Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes

  8. #8
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ efrobert's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Somewhere in Colorado.
    Posts
    254
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Sorry but the Mom's a LOOSER! Pick you friends more carefully.

  9. #9
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    57
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I don't know what to say. However, I want to thank you for taking care of the boy during all of this. You sound like good people.

    Couch

  10. #10
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    My Bikes
    Trek 1200C, Specialized Rockhopper, Giant Yukon FX, Giant Acapulco
    Posts
    1,183
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    wow - you have been really amazing in stepping up for this - but really - and it's unfortunate to some extent - the reality needs to take over and child protective needs to be called in for protective all ways around. You've done way more than what you should have and every one has grown from all you have done, but it is time for reality to take over.

  11. #11
    BF's Level 12 Wizard SingingSabre's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Tucson, AZ
    My Bikes
    Diamondback Sorrento turned Xtracycle commuter
    Posts
    1,414
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by efrobert View Post
    Sorry but the Mom's a LOOSER! Pick you friends more carefully.
    Right under the wire for most accurate misspelling of 2010!

    I have nothing further to add to the thread, as it would all be repeating what F#Sonata said.
    Shameless plug (my sites):
    Photography
    Vanity
    Quote Originally Posted by Bklyn
    Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.

  12. #12
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
    My Bikes
    to many to list
    Posts
    6,108
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    If you really want to do this why don't you just try?
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  13. #13
    Caustic Soccer Mom apclassic9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Millstone WV
    Posts
    1,761
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Legal issues: unless you are a LEGAL GUARDIAN, you cannot seek medical attention for this child. You - should you still be involved in "long-term" babysitting 5 years from now - will not be able to enroll the child in a school. I would suggest - since it seems evident that you do not want child welfare involved - get yourselves appointed as legal guardians of the child.
    As with mud, life, too, slides by.

  14. #14
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    NE OK
    My Bikes
    '06 Kona Smoke
    Posts
    7,956
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    OP, you've basically got two choices here- either get out, all the way out NOW or go all in. What's going to happen if the child ends up with some sort of bruising (even if you're not at fault)??

    I'd petition to become guardians. You could always turn the child back over to baby mama if and when you feel confident that she's has her **** together again.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyril View Post
    Ride what and in what manner pleases you. Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind. srsly.
    Community guidelines

  15. #15
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
    My Bikes
    to many to list
    Posts
    6,108
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by no1mad View Post
    What's going to happen if the child ends up with some sort of bruising (even if you're not at fault)??
    or worse, whats going to happen when you and your wife fall in love with the child and the child falls in love with you guys. Something happens you just going to say screw it and give her up to whoever?
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  16. #16
    Senior Member Nachoman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Point Loma, CA
    My Bikes
    Bill Holland (Road-Ti), Bike Friday (folder), Co-Motion (tandem) & Trek 750 (hybrid)
    Posts
    12,861
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by b_young View Post
    Here is the deal with the dad. The baby was 3 weeks premature. He was at Childrens hospital for 2 months. Dad came to visit once. Later mom was at a court appearance and the judge informed her dad gave up all legal right to the child. [COLOR="lemonchiffon"]He went back to his wife and I since then they have separated. Both mom's are in touch with each other and want the kids to know each other. Grandma could watch him more but, she is single and still works as a nurse on weekends and basically just too lazy. Grandpa lives out of state and helps sends money for food and supplies. We told him it is not needed but makes him feel better.
    I think a child should be with its parents. So I will give mom chances. She was doing well with rehab. The problem was after she left, she moved back with her mom and to the town with all of her old friends. Guess what, they still do all the same old things. We expressed our concerns to her mom and she insisted it was all under control. Now she is back in jail. We live an hour and a half away and have a college in town. After she gets out this time, I am going to suggest that they send her here and take classes. I would rather help watch him while mom is in school and not jail. If they don't at least do something to get her away from her old friends I will have to start looking at getting completely away from it or look into child welfare. I just don't like the ideal of being in my 60's and having a kid in high school. I would do whatever is needed, I just still have hope mom will finally grow up.
    What legal issues do you think I am setting myself up for? That is my main concern right now
    .
    [/COLOR]

    Worth verifying because if not true, it would make sense to see what dad's input is.
    .
    .

    Two wheels good. Four wheels bad.

  17. #17
    Support JDRF b_young's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Arkansas
    My Bikes
    Specialized Sirrus, Specialized Roubaix Elite
    Posts
    855
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Thanks all for the replies.

    Moms court date is the 21st. So, we will see what the judge gives her this time. The grandma said there is a rehab where mom and baby can go if the judge will let her. I won't have to make long term decisions until then.

    I want to be apart of this kids life but we are getting really attached. I will either try to get custody or get all the way out if mom doesn't get it together soon. I would love go through a big heartbreak, giving him back, if she would figure out he is more important than drugs.
    "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift that is why it is called the present." - Kung Fu Panda

    http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt...1LG/weight.png

  18. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    by the football hall of fame
    Posts
    850
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I will add my personal experience on this issue. I may ramble a bit because it was a lot to take in when we went through it.

    A couple we know were living in their car. They lost their 2 yo. son to the state. He had a drinking problem, she has a low mental capacity. They begged us to call and get their son placed with us. We did, because we did not want to see the kid go into the system. The state gave them a few hoops to jump through before regaining custody: housing, AA, parenting classes. The state also required them to have no contact with us or the child until they had met all other requirements and got custody back.

    We had no plans whatsoever of keeping this child long term, just until his parents were back on their feet. We raised this baby for several months before the state gave him back to his parents without housing, AA, or parenting classes. They split up and the custodial parent moved to another state. Dropped the kid off with an unknown baby sitter for an extended period of time. This babysitter notified the authorities and the child was removed from their home, fostered and since adopted after the custodial parent was deemed unfit.

    You should either adopt this kid and move away, or give him to the authorities, or prepare to have the state rip your heart out. If you keep this child the situation will get ugly. Trust me.

    If you do take the kid into your home and notify the authorities. The county will pay you to keep him. You must keep records of ALL use of this money. Keep ALL of your receipts for everything related to this case. The county will send you a form 1099 at the end of the year and every unaccounted cent is legally profit in your pocket and you must pay federal, state, and local taxes on it.

    If you need to know more about what we went through to help this child PM me and I'll give you my contact info.
    Last edited by Mr Danw; 01-03-11 at 01:45 PM.
    Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •