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  1. #1
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Surefire Ways to Get Fired

    When the boss tells you to do something immediately, say 'I'll get right on that, right after I update my Facebook status!'
    I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!

  2. #2
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
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    unless updating your facebook status was the thing he/she wanted you to do immediately, then you'd get a raise for being ahead of the game.
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  3. #3
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Send out a mass email of a pic of your genitals. (This may also get you dates and/or a sexual harassment case) Bonus!

  4. #4
    My Bad! Makel's Avatar
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    Don't have an affair with the bosses wife.

    I have an acquaintance who did.
    Quote Originally Posted by coasting
    hello kitty is evil. i was thrown out of the shop for trying to take a pic. evil big corporate strong arm tactics. kitty is dead to me.

  5. #5
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Make brownies for all your cow orkers.

  6. #6
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    Make brownies for all your cow orkers.
    Ouch! Good one

  7. #7
    Descends Like Avalanche HigherGround's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    Make brownies for all your cow orkers.
    How would that get someone fired? Heck, that's usually the leverage for seasonal temps to become permanent employees!
    The rider in my avatar is David Etxebarria, not me.

  8. #8
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HigherGround View Post
    How would that get someone fired? Heck, that's usually the leverage for seasonal temps to become permanent employees!
    These are special brownies.

  9. #9
    Descends Like Avalanche HigherGround's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    These are special brownies.
    AH, say no more...
    The rider in my avatar is David Etxebarria, not me.

  10. #10
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Use the office copier to make copies of dollar bills and then use those to jam up all the snack machines in the lunch room.

  11. #11
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Develop a spontaneous case of Tourettes...

  12. #12
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
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    Cook smelly, rotten fish in the lunchroom microwave.

    Oh wait - I just wish that would get people fired.
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    So Tom only hires people that are nutty? Is part of the requirement to be a moderator on this site is that you have to be nuts??
    Forum Guidelines *click here*

  13. #13
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Two words...

    ass-less chaps

  14. #14
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    Two words...

    ass-less chaps
    but hilarious!

    Make sure to inform everyone how you shouldn't have volunteered at the TB clinic over the weekend, then continously cough in their face while they are trying to talk to you.
    I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!

  15. #15
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    Two words...

    ass-less chaps
    In Switzerland, wearing red undies could get you fired.

    The Associated Press is reporting Swiss bankers may soon be allowed to wear red underwear and black nail polish. They may even be allowed to eat garlic.

    Swiss banking giant UBS AG said Monday it is revising its 44-page dress code telling its Swiss staff how to present themselves, which generated worldwide ridicule for its micromanagement of their dressing and dining habits.

    The code instructs employees on everything from their breath — no garlic or onions, please — to their underwear, which should be skin-colored.


    I have no idea who they would appoint to do the underwear inspection every day to ensure employee compliance.
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    So Tom only hires people that are nutty? Is part of the requirement to be a moderator on this site is that you have to be nuts??
    Forum Guidelines *click here*

  16. #16
    Descends Like Avalanche HigherGround's Avatar
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    As someone with Irish / Scottish / Welsh/ German heritage, after a long ride in August, red undies could be skin-colored for me.

    It still wouldn't be a good look, though.
    The rider in my avatar is David Etxebarria, not me.

  17. #17
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Print out a copy of your resume on the office printer and change your duties to 'kissing a**, doing other people's jobs because they are too stupid to do them, surfing neferious websites, and wasting time' then leave it there.
    I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!

  18. #18
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    MP - In my old job I had to write out a yearly self assessment of my accomplishments and skills and was thankful I had a supervisor that had a good sense of humour as one year I filed one that would have got some people fired... and she passed it up to the president of the agency who also had a good sense of humour.

    It also got me promoted.

  19. #19
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Found this one.

    Update everyone in the office by e-mail whenever you do anything... bathroom breaks, coffee breaks, scratching the nether regions, every time you get to thinking about tapping that secretary down in accounting.


  20. #20
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Park your bike in the bosses parking stall.

  21. #21
    NFL Owner monogodo's Avatar
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    I've had coworkers get fired in the following ways:

    • Leaving their roach in the ashtray of the company van after delivering a job.
    • Taking beer breaks and offering beers to your coworker & a customer.
    • Having your mother call in sick for you stating that you're out of town on a family emergency, when you're really in the county jail facing charges of child molestation.
    • When the Regional Manager is visiting, print a copy of the business plan for the company you and a coworker are starting up that will directly compete with what you're currently doing for the company.
    • When your month-end sales almost are enough for a new record, ring in fake sales and charge them to a couple of your biggest corporate clients, close out the end of month, then credit them back the sales, thus starting the new month in the hole, only to repeat the cycle for the next 3-6 months until the corporate client's AP department notices that their billing history has strange activity.
    198? Colnago Super (Campy Record) | 1989 Eddy Merckx 7-Eleven Team Issue (Dura Ace) | Catamount MFS (1x8) | Top Image Neptune (SS)

  22. #22
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Exchange the name plates of your bosses office and the employee restroom.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  23. #23
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    In my case, demanding a pic of my boss' wife in a too-tight French Maid outfit would likely do it -- especially if I specified "leaning over to clean the tub" as the pose.

    Playing "Ricochet Kills 2" on the boss' desktop would do, as well.

  24. #24
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Instead of candy put out a bowl of condoms and a note that says 'Hot B*tches Only'

  25. #25
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Fix breakfast for the office...after everyone's eaten, say something like "Alpo was so much cheaper then sausage patties".

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