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Old 01-24-11, 06:11 AM   #1
UnsafeAlpine
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Stupid things you've said

This is to preserve all of those things we say before thinking about them. I'll start.

The other day <3 was hungry and had mentioned something about it. Then she started saying "hungry" a couple of times. So I immediately ask, for some stupid reason, "Hungry Hungry Hippo?" As soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew I needed to start making up for that.

This morning, the girl lost a little puff ball from her boot laces. She was sad and was talking to me about it. My consolation to her was, "That's how these things work. Sometimes you go through life with balls and sometimes you don't." My only hope is that she doesn't repeat it in school...
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Old 01-24-11, 07:24 AM   #2
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Asked a friend why she was all gothed out one day at school. Turns out a guy at the school had been in a car wreck, the funeral was that day. It was a Governor's school that took kids from various districts. The two went to a different school in the district and I was unaware. Oops.
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Old 01-24-11, 08:19 AM   #3
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Once at a family function with potluck dishes, I loudly exclaimed that the baked beans were uhhh not so good. My brother later told me that his girlfriend who was at the function made them. Doh! I felt like a complete a**
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Old 01-24-11, 09:20 AM   #4
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I was at a bar the other day and a horse walked in. I looked at him and said "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 01-24-11, 09:30 AM   #5
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Sure, I'll take the job.
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Old 01-24-11, 09:36 AM   #6
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Early one morning I was in line at the florist behind this guy who was waiting for help. "I need flowers, ANYTHING - right away, price is not a factor!" As she left to show him some arrangement, he turned toward my way and caught eye with me. "Ahhh, in the dog house, eh?" I asked with a smile.

"No. My uncle just died and these are for my aunt."

Oy.
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Old 01-24-11, 09:41 AM   #7
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Oh this is the best one from me. I debated for a full five minutes before these words left my mouth, 'When are you due?'

It gets even better.

She replied, 'Oh I'm not pregnant, I have ovarian cysts.'

ZING!

I will NEVER ask that question again. NEVER
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Old 01-24-11, 09:56 AM   #8
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I will only drink half of this fifth today. As we all know, the fifth was gone by noon.

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Old 01-24-11, 10:01 AM   #9
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If my mouth hole is open and word sounds are spewing forth, I will usually regret it.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 01-24-11, 10:34 AM   #10
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We had a bunch of my inlaws over. My wife fell near the bottom of the satairs. Me: "Are the stairs ok?"
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Old 01-24-11, 10:56 AM   #11
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"I Do"
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Old 01-24-11, 10:58 AM   #12
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A group of 3 couples were staying at one house, the women go shopping and the guys go to the driving range/batting cage. Since we're staying at his house, I offer to pay for the golf balls. Except it came out as "Can I grab your balls?"
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Old 01-24-11, 11:12 AM   #13
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If my mouth hole is open and word sounds are spewing forth, I will usually regret it.
+1, doubly so at home.
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Old 01-24-11, 11:17 AM   #14
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During March in Indiana when the cycling season is just kicking off, to the local bicycle shop owner: "How soon could you be able to true my wheels for me?" (In a tone of voice that indicated I foolishly expected the answer "a day or two.").
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Old 01-24-11, 11:18 AM   #15
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I was on a BF ride in Lancaster when someone outside the groups suggested that we would be an awesome fundraising crew for his charity, only he misspoke and said "for drugs and alcohol" instead of "awareness". And then I opened my mouth. Eyewitness account here.
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Old 01-24-11, 11:33 AM   #16
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"I Do"
I'm surprised this didn't show up before #11.

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If my mouth hole is open and word sounds are spewing forth, I will usually regret it.
Don't we all at some time.
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Old 01-24-11, 11:34 AM   #17
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I was on a BF ride in Lancaster when someone outside the groups suggested that we would be an awesome fundraising crew for his charity, only he misspoke and said "for drugs and alcohol" instead of "awareness". And then I opened my mouth. Eyewitness account here.
Some of my friends work in that area, and we've all said something similar at times.
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Old 01-24-11, 01:14 PM   #18
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If my mouth hole is open and word sounds are spewing forth, I will usually regret it.
I also.
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Old 01-24-11, 01:37 PM   #19
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'When are you due?'...
I will NEVER ask that question again. NEVER
This should be in the man manual, no? Even if you are in the delivery room, you never ask, until the lady has announced to you the fact.
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Old 01-24-11, 01:40 PM   #20
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This should be in the man manual, no? Even if you are in the delivery room, you never ask, until the lady has announced to you the fact.
Only problem is, she isn't a man.

My mother-in-law did the same thing at her church once-- she learned her lesson the hard way.
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Old 01-24-11, 01:50 PM   #21
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How about something you typed?

I occasionally have to do some level of unix admin support. And one admin, who didn't impress me too much, was the recipient of a nastygram in a /etc/fstab file. They asked me not to return to that site...
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Old 01-24-11, 02:11 PM   #22
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How about something you typed?

I occasionally have to do some level of unix admin support. And one admin, who didn't impress me too much, was the recipient of a nastygram in a /etc/fstab file. They asked me not to return to that site...
There was that one time I thought I was rebooting my Sun desktop and instead bounced a SunRay server with ~150 people on it. Definitely a "wanna get away?" sort of a moment.
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Old 01-24-11, 09:04 PM   #23
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A friend of my ex was tellig us about something and old flame had done or said that even I, a guy-type person, recognized as an incredibly stupid thing to say or do. So I said, with mouth agape and foot poised: "So, are you still puttin flowers on his grave."

She looked me squarely in the eye. waited a moment, and said: "As a matter of fact I am."

I had forgotten that she had seen this guy through a fatal bout with cancer. Fortunately, she had a sense of humor and was not offended, but was only playing me. Boy, did I feel like a schmuck.
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Old 01-25-11, 02:14 AM   #24
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^^^^ Oh that's HELLA funny!!
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Old 01-25-11, 06:11 PM   #25
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^^^^ Oh that's HELLA funny!!
I think so, too . . . . now. At the time, not so much.
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