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  1. #1
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    Stupid things you've said

    This is to preserve all of those things we say before thinking about them. I'll start.

    The other day <3 was hungry and had mentioned something about it. Then she started saying "hungry" a couple of times. So I immediately ask, for some stupid reason, "Hungry Hungry Hippo?" As soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew I needed to start making up for that.

    This morning, the girl lost a little puff ball from her boot laces. She was sad and was talking to me about it. My consolation to her was, "That's how these things work. Sometimes you go through life with balls and sometimes you don't." My only hope is that she doesn't repeat it in school...

  2. #2
    Curmudgeon in Training 20grit's Avatar
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    Asked a friend why she was all gothed out one day at school. Turns out a guy at the school had been in a car wreck, the funeral was that day. It was a Governor's school that took kids from various districts. The two went to a different school in the district and I was unaware. Oops.

  3. #3
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Once at a family function with potluck dishes, I loudly exclaimed that the baked beans were uhhh not so good. My brother later told me that his girlfriend who was at the function made them. Doh! I felt like a complete a**
    I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!

  4. #4
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    I was at a bar the other day and a horse walked in. I looked at him and said "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  5. #5
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Sure, I'll take the job.

  6. #6
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Early one morning I was in line at the florist behind this guy who was waiting for help. "I need flowers, ANYTHING - right away, price is not a factor!" As she left to show him some arrangement, he turned toward my way and caught eye with me. "Ahhh, in the dog house, eh?" I asked with a smile.

    "No. My uncle just died and these are for my aunt."

    Oy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  7. #7
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Oh this is the best one from me. I debated for a full five minutes before these words left my mouth, 'When are you due?'

    It gets even better.

    She replied, 'Oh I'm not pregnant, I have ovarian cysts.'

    ZING!

    I will NEVER ask that question again. NEVER
    I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!

  8. #8
    Banned
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    I will only drink half of this fifth today. As we all know, the fifth was gone by noon.

    Couch

  9. #9
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    If my mouth hole is open and word sounds are spewing forth, I will usually regret it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ScottStr's Avatar
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    We had a bunch of my inlaws over. My wife fell near the bottom of the satairs. Me: "Are the stairs ok?"

  11. #11
    Senior Member
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    "I Do"

  12. #12
    Fax Transport Specialist black_box's Avatar
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    A group of 3 couples were staying at one house, the women go shopping and the guys go to the driving range/batting cage. Since we're staying at his house, I offer to pay for the golf balls. Except it came out as "Can I grab your balls?"

  13. #13
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    If my mouth hole is open and word sounds are spewing forth, I will usually regret it.
    +1, doubly so at home.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I openSUSE: III

  14. #14
    Hoosier in Exile Jose Mandez's Avatar
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    During March in Indiana when the cycling season is just kicking off, to the local bicycle shop owner: "How soon could you be able to true my wheels for me?" (In a tone of voice that indicated I foolishly expected the answer "a day or two.").
    -Jose Mandez

    "I want to matter. I want to count. When I hear the children sing, 'Jesus Loves Me,' I hope he does. I really hope he does."-Ben Haden
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #15
    Chepooka StupidlyBrave's Avatar
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    I was on a BF ride in Lancaster when someone outside the groups suggested that we would be an awesome fundraising crew for his charity, only he misspoke and said "for drugs and alcohol" instead of "awareness". And then I opened my mouth. Eyewitness account here.

  16. #16
    Senior Member no motor?'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelpMeRhonda View Post
    "I Do"
    I'm surprised this didn't show up before #11.

    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    If my mouth hole is open and word sounds are spewing forth, I will usually regret it.
    Don't we all at some time.

  17. #17
    Senior Member no motor?'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StupidlyBrave View Post
    I was on a BF ride in Lancaster when someone outside the groups suggested that we would be an awesome fundraising crew for his charity, only he misspoke and said "for drugs and alcohol" instead of "awareness". And then I opened my mouth. Eyewitness account here.
    Some of my friends work in that area, and we've all said something similar at times.

  18. #18
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    If my mouth hole is open and word sounds are spewing forth, I will usually regret it.
    I also.
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  19. #19
    Senior Member gerald_g's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MangoPumpkin View Post
    'When are you due?'...
    I will NEVER ask that question again. NEVER
    This should be in the man manual, no? Even if you are in the delivery room, you never ask, until the lady has announced to you the fact.

  20. #20
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gerald_g View Post
    This should be in the man manual, no? Even if you are in the delivery room, you never ask, until the lady has announced to you the fact.
    Only problem is, she isn't a man.

    My mother-in-law did the same thing at her church once-- she learned her lesson the hard way.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I openSUSE: III

  21. #21
    Chepooka StupidlyBrave's Avatar
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    How about something you typed?

    I occasionally have to do some level of unix admin support. And one admin, who didn't impress me too much, was the recipient of a nastygram in a /etc/fstab file. They asked me not to return to that site...

  22. #22
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StupidlyBrave View Post
    How about something you typed?

    I occasionally have to do some level of unix admin support. And one admin, who didn't impress me too much, was the recipient of a nastygram in a /etc/fstab file. They asked me not to return to that site...
    There was that one time I thought I was rebooting my Sun desktop and instead bounced a SunRay server with ~150 people on it. Definitely a "wanna get away?" sort of a moment.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I openSUSE: III

  23. #23
    Crawlin' up, flyin' down bikingshearer's Avatar
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    A friend of my ex was tellig us about something and old flame had done or said that even I, a guy-type person, recognized as an incredibly stupid thing to say or do. So I said, with mouth agape and foot poised: "So, are you still puttin flowers on his grave."

    She looked me squarely in the eye. waited a moment, and said: "As a matter of fact I am."

    I had forgotten that she had seen this guy through a fatal bout with cancer. Fortunately, she had a sense of humor and was not offended, but was only playing me. Boy, did I feel like a schmuck.
    "I'm in shape -- round is a shape." Andy Rooney

  24. #24
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    ^^^^ Oh that's HELLA funny!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  25. #25
    Crawlin' up, flyin' down bikingshearer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    ^^^^ Oh that's HELLA funny!!
    I think so, too . . . . now. At the time, not so much.
    "I'm in shape -- round is a shape." Andy Rooney

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