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Old 02-07-11, 03:01 PM   #1
RubenX 
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I have a question about "The Question" - For Married/Engaged people - Ring or no Ring

Disclaimer: By making this question Rube' does not admit or implies that he might or might not pop the question, suggest it, think about it, or anything else.

So... in your own personal experience, when the question finally poped, did the potential spouse did it ring in hand, or did the ring appeared later?

If the ring appeared later... What was the reason for the ring's delivery delay?

PS: Bonus question... If the potential future spouse does not wear/use any rings, how you get the size correct without giving away the plans?

PS #2: Some important details... The person in question has never marry, this would be the first time.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:04 PM   #2
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from my experience (via watching/hearing people's stories) financial problems have usually been the reason for no ring in hand.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:05 PM   #3
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I was a poor college student in the early 1980s and made due. I paid something like $300 for an engagement ring, foregoing my college class ring. It was 1/8 carat. She still wears it 26 years later and flatly rejects talk of getting a bigger stone.

So the way it worked for me is I did the best I could at the time and there is enough emotional attachment to it that she doesn't want anything more. I lucked out.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:17 PM   #4
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I had no experience of buying rings, nor of what size my fiance would fit. I asked her first and then we went ring shopping the next day. The accountant in me wasn't going to spend a sizeable amount on a ring she wouldn't like. We've selected a lovely three diamond ring and it is away being re-sized at the moment.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:20 PM   #5
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I was a poor college student in the early 1980s and made due. I paid something like $300 for an engagement ring, foregoing my college class ring. It was 1/8 carat. She still wears it 26 years later and flatly rejects talk of getting a bigger stone.

So the way it worked for me is I did the best I could at the time and there is enough emotional attachment to it that she doesn't want anything more. I lucked out.
Almost exact experience here ... minus the 1/8 carat. All we could afford was simple gold rings. Neither of us would consider upgrading our rings today. I also lucked out ... big time!
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Old 02-07-11, 03:22 PM   #6
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Engaged for four months here. Still no ring. It's not on the top of our priorities.

Last edited by mikeybikes; 02-09-11 at 05:16 PM.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:25 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doohickie View Post
I was a poor college student in the early 1980s and made due. I paid something like $300 for an engagement ring, foregoing my college class ring. It was 1/8 carat. She still wears it 26 years later and flatly rejects talk of getting a bigger stone.

So the way it worked for me is I did the best I could at the time and there is enough emotional attachment to it that she doesn't want anything more. I lucked out.
Same schtick here except it was only 15 years ago for me. The ring she gave me is silver. She's wanted to replace it with gold a few times over the years, but there's no way I'd swap.

To get to the OP's question. Get the ring and deliver it at the right time. She'll say it isn't important. But it is, even if it doesn't affect the answer.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:29 PM   #8
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I did it backwards, such as the rest of my life. I gave her the ring and proposed a couple of weeks later.
My reasoning; she would find it anyway. She puts up my clothes and cleans the house every day, I had no place to hide it except for my car.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:32 PM   #9
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I got engaged on a racing sailboat during a regatta. Proposal was written on a spinnaker. No way was I taking a diamond ring out on that boat. It was presented after the proposal was accepted and we were back on dry land.

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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:33 PM   #10
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I gave her a ring with the stone I could afford in a plain yellow gold band knowing she preferred white because the salesman told me if I returned it within a week or so he'd give me credit for the band and we could pick out something she liked. That way I got to surprise her with the ring already there but she could still pick out the ring she wanted (and she didn't need to know how much I'd dropped on the stone).
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Old 02-07-11, 03:53 PM   #11
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I got engaged on a racing sailboat during a regatta. Proposal was written on a spinnaker. No way was I taking a diamond ring out on that boat. It was presented after the proposal was accepted and we were back on dry land.

*bows before jsharr* You are the man!
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Old 02-07-11, 03:55 PM   #12
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Ring in hand. Took me 10 months to pay for it.
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Old 02-07-11, 03:55 PM   #13
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We had a mutual engagement proposal planned...but I decided to surprise her three weeks early, therefore no ring at the moment of the question as our rings were off being handmade.

We BOTH had engagement rings, by the way. We both wear two rings to this day.
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Old 02-07-11, 04:07 PM   #14
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I'm adding a 2nd question....

PS: Bonus question... If the potential future spouse does not wear/use any rings, how you get the size correct without giving away the plans?
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Old 02-07-11, 04:13 PM   #15
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Bonus- Just take a guess. Better to get too big than too small. Most any jeweler will allow you to bring it in one time for sizing.
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Old 02-07-11, 04:16 PM   #16
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I'm adding a 2nd question....

PS: Bonus question... If the potential future spouse does not wear/use any rings, how you get the size correct without giving away the plans?
Confide in one of her girl friends to see if they can find out her ring size.
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Old 02-07-11, 04:21 PM   #17
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no ring in hand, buzzed and spontaneous.

all three times.

If I get married again I will propose with the deed to my house in my hand, maybe the keys to my truck. Simpler that way really.

Best of luck to you,
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Old 02-07-11, 04:26 PM   #18
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I'm adding a 2nd question....

PS: Bonus question... If the potential future spouse does not wear/use any rings, how you get the size correct without giving away the plans?
Call her to remind her of something you need from her, tell her to tie a string around her finger to help her remember. When you see her, and get the thing ask her if you can have the string. Do you wear any rings? If so, have her try on one of your rings and go from there? Just a quess.
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Old 02-07-11, 04:32 PM   #19
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Back in my younger years, I had the notion of the perfect 3 months salary diamond ring...then I got that, got tons of compliments on it...relationship went down the tubes, gave it back.

Now, the ring is immaterial to all the other stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'd still want to wear a ring as a symbol, but it'd be more like a simple platinum band or white gold.

Whether he needed it in hand at the time of proposal? Nah. I'd rather he ask then we could go together and pick out both rings.

As far as knowing what size, you can always get it fixed later.
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Old 02-07-11, 04:33 PM   #20
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Question 1. The ring is a symbol. If she's the sort to be into symbols, definitely get her a ring. If she's not into symbols, play it safe and get her a ring. How elaborate it is depends more on her taste than your income.

Question 2. Ask her mother or see if you can jack any of her old rings. Like Mango said, you can always get it fixed up later.
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Old 02-07-11, 04:37 PM   #21
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My experience was much like Doohickie's. I let her pick her ring out of the Best Products catalog a few months after the proposal. It was less than $200. She finally wore it out and she picked out the replacement from Wal-mart, and we used her employee discount. It was on layaway and I surprised her by paying it off and meeting her at the door with it when she got to work.

On our fifteenth anniversary, almost thirteen years ago, I surprised her with a custom-made opal dinner ring I had made with a black opal my great grandfather got when he was a mine engineer in Mexico in the nineteenth century. We were at a japanese restaurant at Epcot and the woman in the other couple at our table said to her husband "Why don't you ever do anything that romantic?"
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Old 02-07-11, 04:42 PM   #22
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If you can secretly ask the parents first without her knowing, that tends to get major bonus points.
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Old 02-07-11, 04:44 PM   #23
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When I asked The Girl " So... when are we getting married ?" one of the first things she said was that she did not want an engagement ring but rather, a custom made tandem bicycle.

We had promised each other our forevers a year earlier and she has my family ring which never left my hand until I put it on hers.
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Old 02-07-11, 04:45 PM   #24
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That is teh way romantic *swoon*
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Old 02-07-11, 08:03 PM   #25
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There was no ring for the proposal. There was no ring at the wedding. There is still no ring. The marriage is what matters to us.

If you feel strongly about a ring, get one. If it doesn't matter to you, but you think it matters to her then get one. As far as size goes, take a look at her hand...Does she have long slender fingers? Are they short and wide? How do her hands compare to yours? Describe all of this information to the jeweler, he can recommend a size for you. A ring can always be re-sized afterwards.
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