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Old 02-13-11, 08:13 AM   #1
UnsafeAlpine
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Cripes...

It sucks that I'm really having a hard time restraining myself from explaining to a guy, who's been a parent for almost 8 years, how to be a dad.

You only get to see your kids for 48 hours during the week and you squander it on Valentines Weekend* date night, going to a basketball game, and dumping them off at Sunday school.

The reason your kids call you every night is because they miss you. They want to be with you, not the kids at Sunday School, not their aunt, not your incompetent fiance, you.

Grow up. Become a man. Become a dad. Spend those few, precious hours of the week with your children. Take them to the basketball game, plan date night on Thursday night instead or maybe on actual Valentines day when you don't have the kids, spend the last hours outside, playing, skiing, walking, doing something for God's sake. Don't waste another weekend. Your kids love you and miss you. Right now, you're showing them how much you love and miss them. And right now, they're learning that they love and miss you a helluva lot more than you love and miss them.




*Valentines Weekend? Seriously? It has to extend to a whole stupid weekend now?
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Old 02-13-11, 08:37 AM   #2
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UA is 100% correct.

Kids 1st, cuchi cuchi 2nd.... Mine got here 2 days early, on Friday. Went to the park on Friday, roller skating on Saturday... and for today I can't decide between ice skating or the movies... we'll figure something out...
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Old 02-13-11, 09:46 AM   #3
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The kids see this and although it hurts them, they know that you are there for them. They love you too, UA and they know that with you and mom they are in a more stable environment. Kids are a lot more resilient than we think and a lot smarter too. They know what is up but they still try to maintain that connection. The kids are wise to this and as time goes on they adjust accordingly. Their mom is a strong and supportive woman and with the contrast between the two homes they SEE........

Keep on being the best dad that you can be, never let them know of your disappointment in their father and the kids will be okay. They really will. Because even though it's awful, they do see, they will understand and they will realize what this guys priorities are and come to the conclusion later on that their father was not the best that he can be. And since you and mommy are there for them, they DO have the security of knowing and feeling that they are indeed loved and wanted.

They will be okay. I promise.
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Old 02-13-11, 10:12 AM   #4
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What the Lady Siu said.

My 18 yr old step-daughter has basically disowned her biological, and has gone as far as listing me as her 'father' on her Facebook page. *sniff*

UA, if the guy you're talking about is the biological to your kids, I don't envy your position, as I've been living it for over 12 years now. Don't trash talk the other guy in the presence of the kids, and try to keep the testorone in check and be civil in all dealings with him.

The kids will draw their own conclusion in time- just concentrate on being the best DAD that you can be.
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Old 02-13-11, 10:39 AM   #5
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Don't trash talk the other guy in the presence of the kids, and try to keep the testorone in check and be civil in all dealings with him.The kids will draw their own conclusion in time- just concentrate on being the best DAD that you can be.
This.

Plus it doesn't help to fret over the actions of someone else that you can't control. Like no1mad said, just concentrate on being the best you can be. They will see it in the end.
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Old 02-13-11, 11:03 AM   #6
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The kids see this and although it hurts them, they know that you are there for them. They love you too, UA and they know that with you and mom they are in a more stable environment. Kids are a lot more resilient than we think and a lot smarter too. They know what is up but they still try to maintain that connection. The kids are wise to this and as time goes on they adjust accordingly. Their mom is a strong and supportive woman and with the contrast between the two homes they SEE........

Keep on being the best dad that you can be, never let them know of your disappointment in their father and the kids will be okay. They really will. Because even though it's awful, they do see, they will understand and they will realize what this guys priorities are and come to the conclusion later on that their father was not the best that he can be. And since you and mommy are there for them, they DO have the security of knowing and feeling that they are indeed loved and wanted.

They will be okay. I promise.
I know, Siu. It just really sucks that they have to go through this. It doesn't piss me off for me, it pisses me off for them. I want their father to be the best dad possible because that's what they deserve.
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Old 02-13-11, 11:28 AM   #7
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Of course they do. And that is one of the reasons why their mother chose YOU.
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Old 02-13-11, 01:06 PM   #8
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Of course they do. And that is one of the reasons why their mother chose YOU.
Thanks.
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Old 02-13-11, 08:24 PM   #9
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UA, lots of fathers out there would be proud if their EXs could choose more UA-ish prospects. You are doing a great job
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Old 02-13-11, 08:52 PM   #10
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UA is 100% correct.

Kids 1st, cuchi cuchi 2nd.... Mine got here 2 days early, on Friday. Went to the park on Friday, roller skating on Saturday... and for today I can't decide between ice skating or the movies... we'll figure something out...
thought it was "coochie-coochie?"
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Old 02-13-11, 08:53 PM   #11
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the spelling
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Old 02-13-11, 09:05 PM   #12
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+1000 to all of the good comments here. Kids are smart and they figure things out pretty quickly. If UA is the one who provides the stable father figure in their lives, he will be the one they want to invite to "Dad's Day" at school.

Their biological father is an adult and he makes his own decisions. You can't change him and trying to "teach" him probably won't do any good.
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Old 02-13-11, 09:07 PM   #13
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thought it was "coochie-coochie?"
English "oo" = Spanish "u"
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Old 02-13-11, 09:16 PM   #14
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English "oo" = Spanish "u"
who says we learn "nuttin" in foo?
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Old 02-13-11, 09:21 PM   #15
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And to think your ancestors used to ply the seven seas with untold riches in jewels and gold plus the worlds largest floating armada.
happen to the money Rube?
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Old 02-13-11, 09:30 PM   #16
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UA, lots of fathers out there would be proud if their EXs could choose more UA-ish prospects. You are doing a great job
HEEEYYYYY I think that's it!! UA's doing a fine job so why should HE?
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Old 02-13-11, 09:33 PM   #17
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UA - you are there. Thank you.
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Old 02-13-11, 09:42 PM   #18
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And to think your ancestors used to ply the seven seas with untold riches in jewels and gold plus the worlds largest floating armada.
happen to the money Rube?
My ancestors spent all the money in strippers, booze & gambling. Back in 1823, Mr Miguel de la Torre, head in interim Island Government, though that a happy population was less likely to rebel against the crown and he instituted a policy which he called "dance, drink and dice"... wiki... it worked tho, we never rebelled.
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