"squeaky bum time"
"squeaky bum time"
Please bare with me. (except when it makes me cringe).
"taking a dump" (How on earth did we get to the point that we're doing the exact opposite of leaving it?)
"since Christ was a Corporal" (or sometimes Custer, implying a very long period of time)
And I find Dong Kingisms copiously Episcopalian in their gorgeousity.
"...about as highbrow as a goatee."
Little-kid-style dyslexicons, such as these gems from my neice:
We were bored of reading mazagines at the hostipal, so we sat in the parking lot eating funslower seeds.
Porn cuffs are my favorite kind of cereal.
Internet dating cliches:
"I live life to the fullest." (Super. But why is the rest of your profile a list of your favorite television shows?)
"I work hard and I play hard." (Perhaps if you take a stab at thinking hard, you might be able to come up with something more original?)
"I'm the girl (or boy) next door..." (What exactly does this mean? And if it means "wholesome", then what's that mean?)
"I hate talking about myself on these things..." (Not as much I hate reading about someone with no imagination.)
"I appreciate the finer things in life." (Doesn't exactly sound like you're talking about sparkling-dew-on-grass', 'children-cracking-up' or 'the-sound-of-wind-in-tree-leaves', but instead the expensive crap everyone else appreciates in life like flat-screen TVs, chrome wheels and overpriced designer sunglasses.)
"...Hopeless romantic" or regrettably sometimes "...helpless romantic" (The same people who are suckers for candles on a dinner table or having the door held open for them, consider true romantics like Van Gogh "creepy", "stalkers" or "dysfunctional".)
"Must Love Dogs." (That movie was so cute. And though everyone's profile headline has it now, I'll bet you were one of the pioneering originals. (Though one sure hopes you didn't buy a disposa-dog after seeing it.))
"I'm honest to a fault." (The only way I can imagine a virtue like honesty becoming a fault is if you were excessively proud or self-righteous about it. (Thanks for the warning.))
I'm SO done with the bar scene. (Your AA group leader must be SO proud.)
"Moonlit walks on the beach/candlelight dinners." (Not saying this sounds like a commercial or anything, but why am I suddenly craving General-Foods International Coffees Instant Suisse Hazelnut Cafe flavored-beverage?)
"Can't believe I'm doing this/not sold on this whole 'internet-thing'/friends made me do it..." (Come now... we all want to be cherished, appreciated and fornicated. You'll probably get what you're after if you just own-up to it.)
"NO GAMES" (Not even the latest "Texas-hold-em" fad? You're no fun. (And there's no need to shout.))
"I'm SO @n@l my nickname is Monica from "F*R*I*E*N*d*S. LOL"" (Nyargh. No smart@$$ remark needed,
Monica-from-Friends. COL (crying out loud))
"HIKING!"(If we're all really such hardcore hikers, how come the casino, mall and Target parking lots are always packed, and I never have any trouble finding a spot at trailheads?)
"Make me laugh!" (On second thought, I tire of these jesters... take them away. [clap-clap])
"Communication is key." (Excellent point. Got anymore Dr.-Philisms you'd like to share?)
"I prefer to surround myself with positive people." (Fascinating... I tend to surround myself with people who have hairier backs and smaller penises. Connection?)
"Let's share all that life has to offer." (Meh. Instead of that, let's kick Life in the jewels and take his backpack and lunch-money.)
"I have a great sense of humor." (Judging from this masterful display of deadpan-irony, I earnestly concur.)
"So this is the part where I talk about myself..." (No, this is the part where you lie about being an avid hiker who's funny and lives life to the fullest.)
"His head is so far up his @$$, he's looking out his eyeballs twice."
The phrase 'sh*ts and giggles' makes me chuckle.
A couple of street names that make me smile:
Terwilliger - a boulevard in Portland, OR that incidentally is a really nice ride.
Pull And Be Damned Road- in LaConner, WA- named for a fisherman's epithet.
"I am speechless"
Well, STFU then.
"Dropping the kids off at the pool"
“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
― Muhammad Ali
...firing off a few million knuckle-children.
...gotta bust a dookey.
This one has gotten me since I was a kid: Pantyhose
[I'm chuckling right now...]
Last edited by RunningPirate; 03-03-11 at 06:35 PM.
There's nothing for you to see here...just move along, now...
Dung heap or Dung pile or anything with Dung in it
I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!