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Thread: Am I sexist?

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    Member ssjo's Avatar
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    Am I sexist?

    Okay so like lately I've been noticing distinct sex differences. I read this thread called "fixie chicks" about a woman being hugged and praised randomly for riding a fixie... is this really all that necessary, just because she is a girl? Also during class (I go to a community college) I was enrolled in a class...There were about 10 people trying to add hence they had to stand up. There were three girls standing and coincidentally three guys gave up their chairs to let the girls sit. I was then subjected to feeling bad but then thought to myself, "why should I give up my chair when I am enrolled in the class". Most women want to be treated equally but there are still differences such as guys "paying for first dates" and blah blah.

    I also watched this show called "Modern Family" where her husband tell his wife..."who's my girl" with the wife responding "i am". I don't see girls saying "who's my boy" and a response like "i am". There are many double standards but if I don't treat women differently then men does that mean I am sexist or just not polite? Eh sorry if this thread was long but this is just my way of venting. xD

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    just treat everyone equally as well as the next person.
    well, unless there are ulterior motives.

    if people are standing in class, that means they should come earlier to get a seat.
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    Nope. Go with the flow. There will always be double standards.

    It depends more on the individual. Independently ask 10 men and women about the "who's my girl" scenario and I bet you'd get an even split on whether there's something wrong with what occurred. Peer pressure will always be more of a factor if the questionable action occurred in the presence of peers versus a on-on-one. When in doubt, go into boy scout mode. It's fair to say most workplaces wouldn't tolerate intimate verbal greetings. It's all in the transition going from the immaturity of H.S. to college and then to the real world.

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    Senior Member RunningPirate's Avatar
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    Nah - I wouldn't say so. I'd say that you're just holding everyone to the same standard - nothing wrong with that. As for the guys that gave up their seats, would you say that the beneficiaries were somewhat attractive? If so, there's the motive; that's sexism masquerading as chivalry.

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    This reminds me of a story a buddy told me.

    He was hitchhiking and was picked up by two women. They asked him, "Are you a feminist?"

    He said, "Absolutely! Hey, whatever gets me laid, right?"

    He was summarily ejected from the vehicle.
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    soft pedal zen Higher Class's Avatar
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    There's nothing wrong with treating a woman just as you would a man, unless you ever want to get laid.

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    I guess I am really old school. There are a lot of differences between men and women. They think, act, and have emotions completely different than us guys. There is nothing wrong with giving up your seat for a lady. I would do the same for just about anyone, elders, women, children, pretty much in that order.
    I would say your sexist and not polite and probably on your way to die a lonely old man. But that’s just my opinion.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ssjo View Post
    There are many double standards but if I don't treat women differently then men does that mean I am sexist or just not polite?
    You can't be sexist if you treat both gender equally and in regards of the "who's my girl" comment, it seems to be more of an ego thing that it is sexist.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ssjo View Post
    Okay so like lately I've been noticing distinct sex differences. I read this thread called "fixie chicks" about a woman being hugged and praised randomly for riding a fixie... is this really all that necessary, just because she is a girl? Also during class (I go to a community college) I was enrolled in a class...There were about 10 people trying to add hence they had to stand up. There were three girls standing and coincidentally three guys gave up their chairs to let the girls sit. I was then subjected to feeling bad but then thought to myself, "why should I give up my chair when I am enrolled in the class". Most women want to be treated equally but there are still differences such as guys "paying for first dates" and blah blah.

    I also watched this show called "Modern Family" where her husband tell his wife..."who's my girl" with the wife responding "i am". I don't see girls saying "who's my boy" and a response like "i am". There are many double standards but if I don't treat women differently then men does that mean I am sexist or just not polite? Eh sorry if this thread was long but this is just my way of venting. xD
    Okay this might be long, but bear with me please. I don't think there's anything wrong with praising a female for riding a fixie. I don't think there's anything wrong with praising a male for riding a fixie or any bike for that matter. There's a lot of praise for both sexes for doing all kinds of things in these forums. First metric centuries, centuries, etc. Does it bother you when people praise males for doing something?

    As far as the class situation goes, I just think that's a showing of manners or how they were raised. I know if I went into a room late and there were no chairs left or got on a bus that was full, that I wouldn't expect anyone to get up for me and if someone did I wouldn't accept. Would you be upset if when on a crowded bus someone got up for an elderly male? In the above situation it didn't affect you, so why did it bother you? I could see if the teacher made you get up so a female could sit in your seat.

    In the situation about the TV show, first it's a TV show, and second I'm pretty sure you haven't seen every TV show ever recorded to know that doesn't happen. I've said that phrase to my bf before and he doesn't like it. So I guess it's just a matter of preference. Let me ask you this, if your SO said it to you, would you like it? Just curious.

    I don't go out on first dates expecting the male to pay and when he does go to pay I always ask if he'd like me to split it or pick up the desserts/drinks. If he does pay, it's fine. If we split, it's fine. Same with holding open doors, etc. I'm not going to refuse him a second date if he didn't do either.

    I just think it's more manners than anything else. Do I think you're sexist based on those things? Maybe. Although I don't think you harbor hate for females, I wonder why that stuff even bothers you? Life's too short to worry about things like that.
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    I don't have the slightest issue with someone being polite to a female. I have been known to do so myself.... That's no reflection on sexism. (I DO, however, have a problem with a female who EXPECTS such "little courtesies" -- it's not an entitlement.)

    I am a FIRM believer in equality of the sexes, differences and all; if you can do the job and want to, you earn the money. Gender be damned. BUT -- there are way too many people who accept that there are "gender limits", beyond which a male employee should step in to take up the slack. I don't do that; if you need help with something out of reach, sure; I have "monkey arms", and can reach quite a bit of stuff, and have helped both men and women. Just don't come to me with something you ARE capable of doing because you don't want to break a nail!

    I've been known to say that I'm so much of a feminist that I piss off feminists; you are free to disagree, after all, it's all opinion. Wife/GF/SO wants to work? Here's the classifieds. Or find what you want on your own if you prefer. OH -- AND I WILL COMPLIMENT A FEMALE RIDING A FIXIE -- IT'S SOMEONE ELSE ON A BIKE, FFS! Like I do with my fellow veterans, I will give a little edge, a little benefit of the doubt, to a rider -- until they prove themselves undeserving....

    I got a little snappy with a female co-worker once who wanted me to do her job, because "I'm a female, I'm not going to hurt myself!" To sum it up quickly, she DID her job.

    I LOVE the line:

    "She wants to be a lumberjack, she needs to learn to handle her end of the log." -- Harry Callahan, 1976

    My sister is a LUMBERJACK. The only woman I've ever met that would give me pause in a physical situation, of ANY sort. I'm twice her size, and she can pick me up!

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    Member ssjo's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your input. To clear things up, I try and treat everyone equally. I have given up my seat for an elderly man on the metro and always do little things such as open doors for people. I must admit I tend to talk with my guy friends differently then my girl friends, but i'm trying to close the gap and act myself around both sexes. There is a double standard in our world and I guess I'll just do what I believe is right. I also want to apologize I was just a little heated up when I posted this and want to say sorry if I offended anyone. Thanks again for all your opinions and perspectives, it's been really helpful and insightful.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RunningPirate View Post
    Nah - I wouldn't say so. I'd say that you're just holding everyone to the same standard - nothing wrong with that. As for the guys that gave up their seats, would you say that the beneficiaries were somewhat attractive? If so, there's the motive; that's sexism masquerading as chivalry.

    Looking at your handle, are you in San Jose? If so, which CC?
    I would say they were somewhat attractive. As for the guys I can't know for sure what their motives were. I live near LA, Mt.Sac cc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by b_young View Post
    I guess I am really old school. There are a lot of differences between men and women. They think, act, and have emotions completely different than us guys. There is nothing wrong with giving up your seat for a lady. I would do the same for just about anyone, elders, women, children, pretty much in that order.
    I would say your sexist and not polite and probably on your way to die a lonely old man. But thatís just my opinion.
    Okay, if you were on the Titanic...the ship was sinking....do you honestly think it's fair for the women and children to go first? Yes, I agree the children should be saved because they have not yet experienced life but the women? What gives a woman more entitlement to live than a man. This may be a little extreme but I often ponder about what I would do in those situations. I don't think I will truly know unless I experience it first hand.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ssjo View Post
    Okay, if you were on the Titanic...the ship was sinking....do you honestly think it's fair for the women and children to go first? Yes, I agree the children should be saved because they have not yet experienced life but the women? What gives a woman more entitlement to live than a man. This may be a little extreme but I often ponder about what I would do in those situations. I don't think I will truly know unless I experience it first hand.
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    Yes you're sexist. And so is everyone else, (male & female) from at least someone's perspective.

    Assuming these guys were all enrolled, and the standing women were not, the guys who gave up their seats are just a bunch of suckups. But we couldn't have known either of those premises for certain at the moment, right? Perhaps some of these guys in chairs were the ones hoping to get added and were sheepishly surrendering their seats to people they assumed were pre-enrolled?

    And no, there was nothing at all wrong with you keeping your seat. Very seldom does it occur that, if you let an attractive women cut in front of you in traffic, that she will then pull over and have sex with you. You were not "subjected to feeling bad"; you did it to yourself.

    As far as I'm concerned, the fixie-praising has nothing to with sex. We praise those with taste as screwed up as our own, both to reassure them and ourselves. Male fixie riders praise each other, we're just a little more subdued & indirect about it (we usually praise their bike or bling, since that's safer than complimenting another fellow's enviable athletic physique.)

    Sure, some of this praise of female fixie riders may be for the sake of trying to curry favor from an attractive woman, but it's pretty cynical to assume so in every case.

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    What it all boils down to is simple consideration for others, regardless of gender.
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    I think of it like this. I don't put people on pedestals without good reason (if at all). As such, that leaves you with the choice of being treated as an equal or inferior. Since equal doesn't equate to special treatment, that only leaves one spot for "lady". Now, if someone has a legitimate reason to be treated differently such as being a child, elderly, disabled, too short to reach the top shelf, etc. then I'll grant it to them. I won't however treat someone differently because they were born male, female, strait, gay, black, or white.

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    [QUOTE=ssjo;12324056]Okay so like lately I've been noticing distinct sex differences. I read this thread called "fixie chicks" about a woman being hugged and praised randomly for riding a fixie... is this really all that necessary, just because she is a girl?


    That's just a fixie thing. They all are hipsters and desperate for hugs and attention.

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    Member ssjo's Avatar
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    As for the "fixie girl" thing I read this article on fgss,

    http://www.phlmetropolis.com/2010/12...xie-chicks.php

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