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-   -   Always trust your instincts. Always. (http://www.bikeforums.net/foo/719652-always-trust-your-instincts-always.html)

efrobert 03-13-11 09:45 AM

Always trust your instincts. Always.
 
It's amazing how you can just know something with out actually knowing it.
I've been dating this girl for almost a year and it's been great, every weekend we would spent camping, skiing, biking... We just had so much ion common it was great. She started acting weird around the holidays and told me she wanted to see other people. At 42 This is the first time in her life she's been really on her own. She was married at 19 to her first husband, then met her second husband right after her 1st divorce. She been divorced from him for a couple of years. She had just found out her ex husband was moving in with his girl friend. It really kind of effected her, and she wanted to make sure I knew she wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I told her I wasn't either.
Anyway, I told her I wasn't cool with seeing other people and backed off and let her decide what she wanted. Well she wanted to keep seeing me and things were back to normal. It was great again until a couple of weeks ago. I just sensed something was different. I asked her what was up, if there was someone else and she just told me no, she just had a lot of stress at work and other things.
I knew something was up, I just knew it. I was over her house yesterday and I sensed something was just strange. I was in her bathroom and I don't know why, but I decided to look in her little trash can and sure enough I found a condom... She finally came clean about things. It sucks. :(
Finding the condom just confirmed that my instincts were right on the money.

Alfster 03-13-11 09:55 AM

That really sucks, especially when you guys had such a great start.

MillCreek 03-13-11 11:05 AM

This is why I always flush the condom. To remove any forensic evidence.

TexasGuy 03-13-11 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MillCreek (Post 12354145)
This is why I always flush the condom. To remove any forensic evidence.

On one hand +5. On the other hand :crash:

ms.gio 03-13-11 12:24 PM

I'm so sorry efrobert. *hug*

Couch 03-13-11 12:52 PM

I'm sorry to hear this bro. You have a "Couch Mang Hug" sent your way.

Couch

Siu Blue Wind 03-13-11 06:31 PM

Sorry that this happened but not sorry that it happened now. Could have happened when you DID feel ready for a commitment. Better get yourself checked, my friend.

DX-MAN 03-13-11 09:54 PM

It sucks, man; it really does. Been there, 1st marriage ended like that. After a long time of carrying resentment, I realized that if #1 hadn't left, I'd have never met #2, who gave me my darling daughter (now 13!). Of course, it might have been better if #2 had stuck around, too, but I'm good with that, as well.

A lot of women in that spot will say "It's not you, it's me"; they don't MEAN it, but they are right. Don't carry any guilt... I MEAN it!

It's why I'm a dedicated and unattached bachelor now, and plan to stay that way; time to be good to ME. (AND my daughter, of COURSE; that's a reward beyond words!)

wabbit 03-13-11 10:03 PM

she sounds really mixed up and one of those women who is really dependent and needy. Count yourself lucky.

____asdfghjkl 03-14-11 12:34 AM

Sorry it had to happen that way. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.

009jim 03-14-11 01:29 AM

What's the fuss about? Expecting a woman of any age not to grab something tasty on the side is a bit far fetched. You can't expect them to lay aside 50,000 years of evolutionary programming to suit your expectations. My recommendation is to just act cool about it and if a few tit-bits drop off the table when you around life will be just that much more exciting. Make sure you are not paying her bills though.

MangoPumpkin 03-14-11 05:04 AM

Sorry that happened to you, it's not a good feeling.

*hugs*

Siu Blue Wind 03-14-11 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 009jim (Post 12357252)
What's the fuss about? Expecting a woman of any age not to grab something tasty on the side is a bit far fetched. You can't expect them to lay aside 50,000 years of evolutionary programming to suit your expectations. .

Huh. I must be the odd ball then. *shrugs*

travelmama 03-14-11 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wabbit (Post 12356871)
she sounds really mixed up and one of those women who is really dependent and needy. Count yourself lucky.

Yes!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ____asdfghjkl (Post 12357209)
Sorry it had to happen that way. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.

See above.

calamarichris 03-14-11 12:38 PM

The nice thing about hooking up with an effed-up b-word like this is you get to be the good guy.
There's no hemming or hawing about why things didn't work out, about you being too picky, or wondering how things could have been. She was a bald-faced liar and you found out without catching any diseases or paying child support for kids that may or not be yours.
It might not seem like it to you right now, but tonight I'll drink a toast to Efrobert's good fortune! (Just try not to get addicted to being 'the good guy'.)
http://www.moncton.net/emoticons/cheers.gif

longbeachgary 03-14-11 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by efrobert (Post 12353828)
It's amazing how you can just know something with out actually knowing it.
I've been dating this girl for almost a year and it's been great, every weekend we would spent camping, skiing, biking... We just had so much ion common it was great. She started acting weird around the holidays and told me she wanted to see other people. At 42 This is the first time in her life she's been really on her own. She was married at 19 to her first husband, then met her second husband right after her 1st divorce. She been divorced from him for a couple of years. She had just found out her ex husband was moving in with his girl friend. It really kind of effected her, and she wanted to make sure I knew she wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I told her I wasn't either.
Anyway, I told her I wasn't cool with seeing other people and backed off and let her decide what she wanted. Well she wanted to keep seeing me and things were back to normal. It was great again until a couple of weeks ago. I just sensed something was different. I asked her what was up, if there was someone else and she just told me no, she just had a lot of stress at work and other things.
I knew something was up, I just knew it. I was over her house yesterday and I sensed something was just strange. I was in her bathroom and I don't know why, but I decided to look in her little trash can and sure enough I found a condom... She finally came clean about things. It sucks. :(
Finding the condom just confirmed that my instincts were right on the money.

She was fairly honest....

Flying Merkel 03-14-11 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calamarichris (Post 12359349)
....................................... (Just try not to get addicted to being 'the good guy'.)
http://www.moncton.net/emoticons/cheers.gif

That's a mistake I made more than once. Got over it, dumped my self-centered overweight alcholholic GF and moved on. Met a gorgeous sandy blond outdoorsy chick who was the epitome of San Diego surfer chick. And a screwed-up mess who was whiny and manipulative. No Mr. nice guy this time. Saved a lot of time & grief. Met a wonderful women who looked just like Cher when Cher was in her primest of primes. Married 8 years.

Easy for me to say, but you dodged a bullet.

calamarichris 03-14-11 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by efrobert (Post 12359379)
It was great again until a couple of weeks ago. I just sensed something was different. I asked her what was up, if there was someone else and she just told me no, she just had a lot of stress at work and other things.....
Quote:

Originally Posted by longbeachgary (Post 12359379)
She was fairly honest....


Error... Does not compute... Reboot morality program... Error...

Chris L 03-15-11 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calamarichris (Post 12359732)
Error... Does not compute... Reboot morality program... Error...

Well, in truth the "fairly honest" bit was half right. She did tell the OP she wanted to see other people "around the holidays". This is one of the classic signs that a person is not ready for a serious monogamous relationship. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as there are a lot of reasons to maintain a "friend with benefits" if you're not serious with anyone else. But if you're looking to be the only one, there's no point persisting after you hear this line because it just aint gonna happen.

Another interesting thing is that she just "happened" to meet her second husband right after the divorce from her first. That's a pretty remarkable coincidence, doncha think? Her first marriage falls apart and this guy just happens to ride in from the sunset and sweep her off her feet. Some might actually believe it, others might see it as yet another red flag. There's a good chance husband #2 had inside information on the situation with husband #1 if you catch my drift.

Meh, the OP dodged a bullet here. You're better off living alone than trying to make something work in that situation.

HandsomeRyan 03-15-11 09:12 AM

That sucks. I had an ex run off with a close friend.

Bright side- I reconnected with my high school sweetheart and we'll be celebrating 4 years of marriage this fall.

joewey 03-15-11 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind (Post 12355971)
Sorry that this happened but not sorry that it happened now. Could have happened when you DID feel ready for a commitment.

^^^ silver lining.

SingingSabre 03-15-11 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 009jim (Post 12357252)
What's the fuss about? Expecting a woman of any age not to grab something tasty on the side is a bit far fetched. You can't expect them to lay aside 50,000 years of evolutionary programming to suit your expectations. My recommendation is to just act cool about it and if a few tit-bits drop off the table when you around life will be just that much more exciting. Make sure you are not paying her bills though.

Sorry, guys. I've been experimenting with my 1700's wormhole technology.

Efro, sorry that thing combusted. :(

Pamestique 03-15-11 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by longbeachgary (Post 12359379)
She was fairly honest....

No not really... what she should have said is "let me be honest... this isn't working and I've started seeing other guys but if you want to keep taking me out and spending money on me... do so until someone better comes along and then I'm out of here..."

That would have been honest.

Sorry dude. Lesson learned for everyone - if your gf or bf starts the "let's see others" crap end it and move on. It's not worth the waste of time. Just remember you ARE better than that and deserve more. And "friends with benefits" just means more opportunities to catch a bad disease. No sex is that important!

Siu Blue Wind 03-15-11 03:29 PM

+1. Good post, Pam.

SingingSabre 03-15-11 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pamestique (Post 12365121)
And "friends with benefits" just means more opportunities to catch a bad disease.

Only if you have poor taste in your fwb's and you don't use protection. Don't be hatin' on the casual sex.


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