MAN bike. builds testosterone, eliminates pity and self loathing - $40 (Rochester Hills)
Date: 2011-06-19, 12:40PM EDT
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WARNING: This ad may offend the French, women, french women, elitist bike snobs, and fan boys of Lexus. If you are part of that collection of non-men, press back button now.
Alright magnificent CL readers, it's time to get serious. Manly bike level serious.
This is a bike I bought when I landed in Michigan. I'm from out of state. I'm going back home. This bike remains here, to one lucky man. Like the Green Destiny sword that was offered as a gift to Sir Te in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon -> You will be the keeper of the bike. Read on, if you are a man with the courage to face destiny.
This is a bike for men ONLY. Now see, it only has one functioning gear left. THE HIGHEST GEAR. While I could fix it so the other gears work, why do that? It forces you to pedal hard.
Next thing. It's not some french "le carbon fiber un peu de kilo" light weight bike that costs $5000. I just sold my car here for half of that, and that's a damn car. So yes, those guys wearing skin tight french bike clothes are going to zoom right past you. And you know what? Let them, because they are not biking to anywhere anyway. They put those bikes on the back of their SUVs and then bike around, to go back home inside a SUV. Not you, because you are a MAN on a GREEN METAL BIKE.
You will grow MANLY legs because this bike feels like it was made out of SOLID IRON while those carbon fiber le bikers zoom by you. That's okay, because IRON is what makes engine blocks durable, it's what gives our planet a magnetic field that in turn protects our atmosphere from solar wind, thus SUSTAINING LIFE ON THE PLANET. This is not for a man who would spend $30 for biking socks. You are awesome if you even wear matching socks.
What keeps the bike in one gear? Nothing less than a nail clipper with attached beer bottle opener. MAN TOOLS.
Next issue. The brakes barely work. This may be a problem for some. I call them: Women. And the French.
This bike is so awesome, I leave it parked outside of places I go, like the grocery store, and don't even chain it to anything. It is ALWAYS there when I return. Now you may say "That's because it's a POS." But I will tell you, it's because people are AFRAID of it.
A ninja ran off with the Green Destiny sword. I GUARANTEE a ninja will not take this GREEN DESTINY BIKE.
I spent 75 bucks on this bike and 20 to fix the pedal. Yes you are right - I damn overpaid. So that's why this is yours for $40 MAN DOLLARS.
P.S. The last pic is of the Lexus LFA that I saw at the detroit auto show. It cost $400,000... and yet the rear winglets were still held on with wood screws. WOOD SCREWS. I saw this with my own eyes. So when one of those carbon fiber bikes passes by you effortlessly and you ever think to yourself "my damn solid IRON bike has a beer bottle opener holding it in gear", remember, you could have spent 10,000x more for a car made out of le carbon fiber that was held together by wood screws, and still by the way loses to vettes in every performance measure possible. Vettes, again, being MAN CARS.
- Location: Rochester Hills
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests