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Old 06-29-11, 03:10 AM   #1
Yan 
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Relationships in which the man is much younger?

People of Foo, I have another relationship question for you.

To cut the long story short: I am 23. While on temporary work assignment in Beijing this spring, I met a 31 year old Hungarian girl. She's gorgeous and she loves CYCLING! Enough said.

I'm back in Canada for the summer, but in August I'm taking her bicycle touring in Europe, and am moving to Beijing to be with her afterwards.

I have some lingering concerns about the fact that we're in different phases of our lives. I'm just comng out of school and she'll be looking to settle down soon. She has a lot more relationship experience than I do. Normally we'd just keep dating and see what happens, but I'm faced with the prospect of immigration and I don't want to have a fiasco on my hands after that has taken place. Do you know of any couples in which the man is much younger? How did it work out? What's your opinion of this whole business?
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Old 06-29-11, 03:15 AM   #2
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Age doesn't have to be a problem. I know a couple who married last year where he's about 27/28 and she's about 36.

Do consider the long-distance aspect carefully though, if you guys get serious then whatever happens either or both of you is going to have to leave family and friends behind, and from there whoever does leave their family and friends behind could have issues with wanting to be nearer them later on. Immigration can also be a bundle of fun to deal with.
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Old 06-29-11, 06:27 AM   #3
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Long distance dating is ridiculously difficult. It did work out well for me but it went south quite badly for one of my ex friend's GF. He is now in jail for 17 years.
As such I would not recommend it.
My wife is a dual citizen of Canada and the US. That saved us quite a bit of trouble.
Both of our families are scattered over this continent and we do not live near any of them.
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Old 06-29-11, 07:59 AM   #4
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Age is your last worry in that relationship. It will settle itself out naturally whether it works out our not. The distance and immigration will be way more taxing on you both.
Just make sure you're not becoming some sort of "green card sugar daddy"
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Old 06-29-11, 08:10 AM   #5
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I don't know about the man being younger but I do know about being in a relationship with an age difference. I think you should put some thought into the where you are in life stages. On the other hand, age can sometimes be just a number and each person is uniquely individual. What works for some, doesn't work for others.

Try having a sit down conversation with a list of wants/needs for a relationship and some guidelines of where you want to be down the road and in what time frame and then see how those match up with hers.

Unfortunately, there is no magic code to see if a relationship will work. I say follow your heart.

Good luck
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Old 06-29-11, 08:12 AM   #6
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She is going to be right at an age where children are a want. Are you ready for such things if the relationship gets serious enough?
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Old 06-29-11, 08:45 AM   #7
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I'm 5 years younger than my wife. Her sister's husband is 16 years younger than she is. Once you grow up, it's not about age, but compatibility and interests. I'd watch out about following a skirt around the world though. Do the tour, and then reevaluate your relationship. If the love is still there after the stress of touring together, you probably are compatible. At that point make your plans to follow her to Beijing. You only live once. That sounds like it can get to be a hell of a story no matter which way it goes.

I can't say good things about long distant relationships though. It's bad enough being away from your spouse for long periods of time. Being single and away from your partner for long periods sucks.

Good luck with your decision.
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Old 06-29-11, 09:09 AM   #8
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I'd worry more about distance and maturity than age.
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Old 06-29-11, 09:15 AM   #9
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My wife is a dual citizen of Canada and the US.
Wife? Did you and Ludite tie the knot? Congratulations if you 2 did!!!
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Old 06-29-11, 09:27 AM   #10
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I'm 10 years younger than my wife, and most things seem to work out fine for us. I think the big difference is that we're closer in stages of "what we want from life" at 37 & 47, versus your situation at 23 & 31. (although, maybe not. I don't know what you want from life right now.)

At 23 I still pretty much lived like I did at 18, except that I had a better job to fund it with.
At 31 I no longer lived like a rockstar, I was busy busting my ass to advance my career and build a respectable financial profile.
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Old 06-29-11, 09:30 AM   #11
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Wife? Did you and Ludite tie the knot? Congratulations if you 2 did!!!

We married last year and have a 4 month old child. I moved her here almost a year ago.
It has been a fun and wild journey.
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Old 06-29-11, 09:30 AM   #12
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I don't know about the man being younger but I do know about being in a relationship with an age difference. I think you should put some thought into the where you are in life stages. On the other hand, age can sometimes be just a number and each person is uniquely individual. What works for some, doesn't work for others.
This is pretty much what I was going to say, too.

The people who say "age is just a number" are correct--it's just a number.

BUT

That age generally reflects where someone is in their lives, which is why it's "odd" for a 40-something male to be interested in a 21-year old woman. Where are most 40 year olds in their lives? Where are most 21 year olds?

Here is an example: When I was 26 years old, I had a date with a 22 year old. Only four years' difference, right? BUT, we were in completely different places in our lives. I had just been divorced, had two car payments, two successful careers, a house, bank accounts, etc. The 22 year old was just out of college, never lived away from home, only had one previous relationship, never had a job before, her parents bought her a brand new car, she didn't know what she wanted to do when she grew up, etc. Needless to say, I felt like I was 50 and she was 12 years old. It was a horrible date.

^^^I know I am rambling, but I have a point in there somewhere.

P.S. I won't even touch the long distance thing. I am 100% no-way-in-heck regarding long distance, but that is just me and I know it works for people, so good luck!
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Old 06-29-11, 10:26 AM   #13
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Long distance dating is ridiculously difficult. It did work out well for me but it went south quite badly for one of my ex friend's GF. He is now in jail for 17 years.
As such I would not recommend it.
My wife is a dual citizen of Canada and the US. That saved us quite a bit of trouble.
Both of our families are scattered over this continent and we do not live near any of them.
Just to echo this, if you are going to do it then do it properly. Whichever one of you is moving to the other's country needs to have the paperwork in order. I know a guy who got married to a girl from another country when neither of them had the required visas to live in the other country and before long they had both been deported and barred from the other's country. It's hard to stay married to someone when you're not even allowed to visit each other unless you find a third country to do it.
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Old 06-29-11, 10:43 AM   #14
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8 years apart. crazy. i don't know what the mentally is like a for a women in her 30's.

i thought maybe like 2-3 years is ok. i'm dating a guy right now who is 2 years younger but i think i'm a little immature for my age so that may be why.
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Old 06-29-11, 11:29 AM   #15
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He's a disgusting pervert! Shameful!

She's getting back into the game, and is full of youth and vigor! Good for her!
Double standards make the world go round!
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Old 06-29-11, 11:40 AM   #16
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I would think that (ahem) 'physically' this would be a good match.
Ultimately, it's not the age but the maturity of the two of you.
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Old 06-29-11, 11:54 AM   #17
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I have some lingering concerns ...
god, why did i read that as lingerie?
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Old 06-29-11, 11:55 AM   #18
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god, why did i read that as lingerie?
Because you are awesome.
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Old 06-29-11, 11:57 AM   #19
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Do you know of any couples in which the man is much younger?
"Coo coo ca choo Mrs Robinson."
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Old 06-29-11, 01:12 PM   #20
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He's a disgusting pervert! Shameful!

She's getting back into the game, and is full of youth and vigor! Good for her!
Hilarious, and absolutely true. Except for the last one, it is usually stated as 'taking control of her sexuality'.
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Old 06-29-11, 01:16 PM   #21
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Because you are awesome.
Get a room, ya hoo.
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Old 06-29-11, 01:35 PM   #22
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Age is not an issue, and know this first hand
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Old 06-29-11, 01:37 PM   #23
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I did not realize couch was that young.....
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Old 06-29-11, 01:43 PM   #24
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He's a disgusting pervert! Shameful!
Quote:
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I did not realize couch was that young.....
Based on the logic provided by Mr X and our familiarity with Mr Couch, we have to assume he is the much older person in the relationship;
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Old 06-29-11, 01:45 PM   #25
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god, why did i read that as lingerie?
Quote:
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i think i'm a little immature for my age so that may be why.
Distance can be a big deal. Age is just a number, but as others have said, it's really about your personal goals and compatibility. Imagine if we didn't live in our information age where every detail is tracked with precision; age wouldn't even be a known quantity if we didn't track it. All you'd have to judge someone by is their appearance and the way they interacted with you and others, which is really the way it should be.
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