Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 51
  1. #1
    BeaverTerror Yan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Shanghai, China
    My Bikes
    2013 True North custom touring; 2009 Unicycle.com Club Uni; 1989 Miele Tivoli; 1979 Colnago Sport
    Posts
    1,542
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Relationships in which the man is much younger?

    People of Foo, I have another relationship question for you.

    To cut the long story short: I am 23. While on temporary work assignment in Beijing this spring, I met a 31 year old Hungarian girl. She's gorgeous and she loves CYCLING! Enough said.

    I'm back in Canada for the summer, but in August I'm taking her bicycle touring in Europe, and am moving to Beijing to be with her afterwards.

    I have some lingering concerns about the fact that we're in different phases of our lives. I'm just comng out of school and she'll be looking to settle down soon. She has a lot more relationship experience than I do. Normally we'd just keep dating and see what happens, but I'm faced with the prospect of immigration and I don't want to have a fiasco on my hands after that has taken place. Do you know of any couples in which the man is much younger? How did it work out? What's your opinion of this whole business?
    Yan

    2013 True North custom touring; 2010 Novara Randonee; 2009 Unicycle.com Club 24"; 1989 Miele Tivoli; 1979 Colnago Sport

  2. #2
    2 Fat 2 Furious contango's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    England
    My Bikes
    2009 Specialized Rockhopper Comp Disc, 2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    Posts
    3,713
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Age doesn't have to be a problem. I know a couple who married last year where he's about 27/28 and she's about 36.

    Do consider the long-distance aspect carefully though, if you guys get serious then whatever happens either or both of you is going to have to leave family and friends behind, and from there whoever does leave their family and friends behind could have issues with wanting to be nearer them later on. Immigration can also be a bundle of fun to deal with.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    14,276
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Long distance dating is ridiculously difficult. It did work out well for me but it went south quite badly for one of my ex friend's GF. He is now in jail for 17 years.
    As such I would not recommend it.
    My wife is a dual citizen of Canada and the US. That saved us quite a bit of trouble.
    Both of our families are scattered over this continent and we do not live near any of them.

  4. #4
    klondike300 klondike300's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Looking for my lung on Green Mountain
    My Bikes
    Cannondale(x3). Synapse, cyclocross and Prophet
    Posts
    250
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Age is your last worry in that relationship. It will settle itself out naturally whether it works out our not. The distance and immigration will be way more taxing on you both.
    Just make sure you're not becoming some sort of "green card sugar daddy"
    He's a restless young romantic, wants to run the big machine.......

  5. #5
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Lancaster County, PA
    My Bikes
    Raleigh Cadent
    Posts
    165
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I don't know about the man being younger but I do know about being in a relationship with an age difference. I think you should put some thought into the where you are in life stages. On the other hand, age can sometimes be just a number and each person is uniquely individual. What works for some, doesn't work for others.

    Try having a sit down conversation with a list of wants/needs for a relationship and some guidelines of where you want to be down the road and in what time frame and then see how those match up with hers.

    Unfortunately, there is no magic code to see if a relationship will work. I say follow your heart.

    Good luck
    I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!

  6. #6
    Curmudgeon in Training 20grit's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Rural Retreat, VA
    My Bikes
    1974 Gazelle Champion Mondial, 2010 Cannondale Trail SL, 1988 Peugeot Nice, 1992ish Stumpjumper Comp,1990's Schwinn Moab
    Posts
    1,911
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)
    She is going to be right at an age where children are a want. Are you ready for such things if the relationship gets serious enough?

  7. #7
    Mud, Gore & Guts eddubal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Bloomfield, NJ
    My Bikes
    2012 Van Dessel Gin & Trombones; 2011 Masi Speciale SSCX; '87 Peugeot Cannonball Express
    Posts
    497
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'm 5 years younger than my wife. Her sister's husband is 16 years younger than she is. Once you grow up, it's not about age, but compatibility and interests. I'd watch out about following a skirt around the world though. Do the tour, and then reevaluate your relationship. If the love is still there after the stress of touring together, you probably are compatible. At that point make your plans to follow her to Beijing. You only live once. That sounds like it can get to be a hell of a story no matter which way it goes.

    I can't say good things about long distant relationships though. It's bad enough being away from your spouse for long periods of time. Being single and away from your partner for long periods sucks.

    Good luck with your decision.

  8. #8
    Senior Member no motor?'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Chicagoland
    My Bikes
    Specialized Hardrock
    Posts
    3,755
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'd worry more about distance and maturity than age.

  9. #9
    Senior Member no motor?'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Chicagoland
    My Bikes
    Specialized Hardrock
    Posts
    3,755
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by DataJunkie View Post
    My wife is a dual citizen of Canada and the US.
    Wife? Did you and Ludite tie the knot? Congratulations if you 2 did!!!

  10. #10
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    My Bikes
    '08 Surly Cross-Check, 2011 Redline Conquest Pro, 2012 Spesh FSR Comp EVO, 2009 Spesh Singlecross, 2011 RM Flow1
    Posts
    11,304
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'm 10 years younger than my wife, and most things seem to work out fine for us. I think the big difference is that we're closer in stages of "what we want from life" at 37 & 47, versus your situation at 23 & 31. (although, maybe not. I don't know what you want from life right now.)

    At 23 I still pretty much lived like I did at 18, except that I had a better job to fund it with.
    At 31 I no longer lived like a rockstar, I was busy busting my ass to advance my career and build a respectable financial profile.
    "I feel like my world was classier before I found cyclocross."
    - Mandi M.

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    14,276
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by no motor? View Post
    Wife? Did you and Ludite tie the knot? Congratulations if you 2 did!!!

    We married last year and have a 4 month old child. I moved her here almost a year ago.
    It has been a fun and wild journey.

  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Minneapolis, MN
    Posts
    176
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by MangoPumpkin View Post
    I don't know about the man being younger but I do know about being in a relationship with an age difference. I think you should put some thought into the where you are in life stages. On the other hand, age can sometimes be just a number and each person is uniquely individual. What works for some, doesn't work for others.
    This is pretty much what I was going to say, too.

    The people who say "age is just a number" are correct--it's just a number.

    BUT

    That age generally reflects where someone is in their lives, which is why it's "odd" for a 40-something male to be interested in a 21-year old woman. Where are most 40 year olds in their lives? Where are most 21 year olds?

    Here is an example: When I was 26 years old, I had a date with a 22 year old. Only four years' difference, right? BUT, we were in completely different places in our lives. I had just been divorced, had two car payments, two successful careers, a house, bank accounts, etc. The 22 year old was just out of college, never lived away from home, only had one previous relationship, never had a job before, her parents bought her a brand new car, she didn't know what she wanted to do when she grew up, etc. Needless to say, I felt like I was 50 and she was 12 years old. It was a horrible date.

    ^^^I know I am rambling, but I have a point in there somewhere.

    P.S. I won't even touch the long distance thing. I am 100% no-way-in-heck regarding long distance, but that is just me and I know it works for people, so good luck!

  13. #13
    2 Fat 2 Furious contango's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    England
    My Bikes
    2009 Specialized Rockhopper Comp Disc, 2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    Posts
    3,713
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by DataJunkie View Post
    Long distance dating is ridiculously difficult. It did work out well for me but it went south quite badly for one of my ex friend's GF. He is now in jail for 17 years.
    As such I would not recommend it.
    My wife is a dual citizen of Canada and the US. That saved us quite a bit of trouble.
    Both of our families are scattered over this continent and we do not live near any of them.
    Just to echo this, if you are going to do it then do it properly. Whichever one of you is moving to the other's country needs to have the paperwork in order. I know a guy who got married to a girl from another country when neither of them had the required visas to live in the other country and before long they had both been deported and barred from the other's country. It's hard to stay married to someone when you're not even allowed to visit each other unless you find a third country to do it.

  14. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Portland
    Posts
    540
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    8 years apart. crazy. i don't know what the mentally is like a for a women in her 30's.

    i thought maybe like 2-3 years is ok. i'm dating a guy right now who is 2 years younger but i think i'm a little immature for my age so that may be why.

  15. #15
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    KIGX
    My Bikes
    2009 Motobecane Fantom CX, 2011 Windsor Shetland mini-velo, 2012 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno SSCX
    Posts
    1,649
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by x136 View Post
    He's a disgusting pervert! Shameful!

    She's getting back into the game, and is full of youth and vigor! Good for her!
    Double standards make the world go round!
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX, 2011 Windsor Shetland
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: II Debian: II openSUSE: I

  16. #16
    Old enough to know better willmw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    East Central GA, USA
    My Bikes
    Haro Heartland Express LE, Dawes Lightning 1000
    Posts
    29
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I would think that (ahem) 'physically' this would be a good match.
    Ultimately, it's not the age but the maturity of the two of you.
    Dangit, I almost only post in Foo, so my post count is abysmal.

  17. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Portland
    Posts
    540
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Yan View Post

    I have some lingering concerns ...
    god, why did i read that as lingerie?

  18. #18
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    KIGX
    My Bikes
    2009 Motobecane Fantom CX, 2011 Windsor Shetland mini-velo, 2012 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno SSCX
    Posts
    1,649
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by ____asdfghjkl View Post
    god, why did i read that as lingerie?
    Because you are awesome.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX, 2011 Windsor Shetland
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: II Debian: II openSUSE: I

  19. #19
    Senior Member Shimagnolo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Zang's Spur, CO
    Posts
    6,080
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Yan View Post
    Do you know of any couples in which the man is much younger?
    "Coo coo ca choo Mrs Robinson."

  20. #20
    BF Risk Manager
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Snohomish County, Washington USA
    My Bikes
    Road, mountain and folding
    Posts
    894
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by x136 View Post
    He's a disgusting pervert! Shameful!

    She's getting back into the game, and is full of youth and vigor! Good for her!
    Hilarious, and absolutely true. Except for the last one, it is usually stated as 'taking control of her sexuality'.
    Regards, MillCreek
    Snohomish County, Washington USA

  21. #21
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Lancaster County, PA
    My Bikes
    Raleigh Cadent
    Posts
    165
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by bigbenaugust View Post
    Because you are awesome.
    Get a room, ya hoo.
    I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!

  22. #22
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    My Bikes
    Trek 1200C, Specialized Rockhopper, Giant Yukon FX, Giant Acapulco
    Posts
    1,182
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Age is not an issue, and know this first hand

  23. #23
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Just NW of Richardson Bike Mart
    My Bikes
    '05 Trek 1200 / '90 Trek 8000 / '? Falcon Europa
    Posts
    6,034
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)
    I did not realize couch was that young.....
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  24. #24
    Chepooka StupidlyBrave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    South Central PA
    My Bikes
    1990 Trek 1400 7spd; 2001 Litespeed Arenberg 10 speed
    Posts
    1,155
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by x136 View Post
    He's a disgusting pervert! Shameful!
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    I did not realize couch was that young.....
    Based on the logic provided by Mr X and our familiarity with Mr Couch, we have to assume he is the much older person in the relationship;

  25. #25
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    317
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by ____asdfghjkl View Post
    god, why did i read that as lingerie?
    Quote Originally Posted by ____asdfghjkl View Post
    i think i'm a little immature for my age so that may be why.
    Distance can be a big deal. Age is just a number, but as others have said, it's really about your personal goals and compatibility. Imagine if we didn't live in our information age where every detail is tracked with precision; age wouldn't even be a known quantity if we didn't track it. All you'd have to judge someone by is their appearance and the way they interacted with you and others, which is really the way it should be.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •