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Old 12-06-04, 12:35 PM   #1
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Annoying signs around the office

In the commuting section, there is a thread about a workplace shower that has a sign saying the shower is not to be used for daily use. This got me thinking about all the annoying little signs I see around the office.

"This is a walkway, not a meeting place" is the most prevelant one around here.

Sign on drinking fountain, "Do not dump anything in this fountain." What, did they forget to install a drain?

Any other good ones?
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Old 12-06-04, 01:55 PM   #2
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the sign pointing to the change machine that is not there (nor ever was)

all so i can get a candy bar from the snack machne that is a borderline corporate terrorist (takes your money, rejects coins/cash for no apparent reason...sometimes gives you the wrong items...it goes on)
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Old 12-06-04, 02:01 PM   #3
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We have these things on the walls that have two hands on them, one is shorter than the other, and they always seen to barely move when I am sitting through the most boring and irrelevant class that I am taking.
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Old 12-06-04, 02:06 PM   #4
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Sign over the sink in the breakroom - "Do not throw trash in the sink". Scribbled below it "Place it in gently."

Sign over a broken urinal "Urinal broken. Do not use." Scribbled below it "Urinal lot of trouble."
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Old 12-06-04, 03:30 PM   #5
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My favorite signs, if you want to call them that, are the braille buttons on the local drive up ATM. There is a warning that is not in Braille that informs the user that "This ATM is for drive through customers only". Now I know there aren't too many blind drivers out there, but I think if they are kind enough to put braille on the keypunches, they ought to do the same thing on the warning sign. That would keep the hordes of blind folk who walk up and erroneously attempt to use a drive through only ATM. The other thing about this ATM is it is located in the middle of a 5 acre parking lot. Cudos to any blind person who can find it in the first place.

The only other sign I find amusing is the open/closed sign I use for my business. It seems that turning it to "open" and unlocking the door is not enough for some folks. They need positive reinforcement. They will open the door and ask, "Are you open?" Conversely, if I have the "closed" side out and the door locked, someone will see me inside, pound on the door until I open it, and say, "Good, for a minute there I thought you were closed".
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Old 12-06-04, 03:51 PM   #6
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One of my favorites is the "Picture Menus Available" on fast food drive up menus. I gather that picture menus are for illiterate folks...
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Old 12-06-04, 04:20 PM   #7
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Sign in a local restaurant rest room. "Hot water is very Hot."
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Old 12-06-04, 04:22 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stacey
One of my favorites is the "Picture Menus Available" on fast food drive up menus. I gather that picture menus are for illiterate folks...
And I've always wondered how illiterate people are going to know those picture menus are available... if they can't read the sign already!
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Old 12-06-04, 04:47 PM   #9
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We have a snack machine in the physics building that steals from me too. The upside is that sometimes it has the reverse problem... coins fall straight through. I once got about $8 worth of snacks and $5 worth of change from that machine before it ran out of coins and wouldn't give me any more free money

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Originally Posted by catatonic
the sign pointing to the change machine that is not there (nor ever was)

all so i can get a candy bar from the snack machne that is a borderline corporate terrorist (takes your money, rejects coins/cash for no apparent reason...sometimes gives you the wrong items...it goes on)
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Old 12-06-04, 05:53 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catatonic
the sign pointing to the change machine that is not there (nor ever was)

all so i can get a candy bar from the snack machne that is a borderline corporate terrorist (takes your money, rejects coins/cash for no apparent reason...sometimes gives you the wrong items...it goes on)

I hate vending machines. They are nothing but an extension of the greed and wanton disrespect that corporate America has for the consuming public. You have no choice as to what is offered and no complaint if what you picked does not come out. And then you have an even chance of not receiving your money back. I have always hated these box like clerks who stand there woodenly, silent, but with a false brightness and cheery demeanor. They tempt us with visions of palm trees and bottles with droplets dripping seductively, giving the impression that once we have punched in the $1.25, 12ozs of thirst busting pleasure will envelope our taste buds. And what pops out, a warm coke that got dented on the way out and then explodes in your face. There's your thirst busting pleasure fella. Right there in your face. Enjoy!
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Old 12-06-04, 06:12 PM   #11
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I hate the ones that say For Good Health, Please Wash Your Hands

Screw that. Im not washing my hands.
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Old 12-06-04, 06:18 PM   #12
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At Cornell where I was an undergraduate student they were actually quite considerate about malfunctioning vending machines. They all had a little notepad and mailbox on the side, and if they stole your money you filled out a 5 line form and a few days later they'd give you a refund rounded up to the nearest $1.

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I hate vending machines. They are nothing but an extension of the greed and wanton disrespect that corporate America has for the consuming public. You have no choice as to what is offered and no complaint if what you picked does not come out. And then you have an even chance of not receiving your money back. I have always hated these box like clerks who stand there woodenly, silent, but with a false brightness and cheery demeanor. They tempt us with visions of palm trees and bottles with droplets dripping seductively, giving the impression that once we have punched in the $1.25, 12ozs of thirst busting pleasure will envelope our taste buds. And what pops out, a warm coke that got dented on the way out and then explodes in your face. There's your thirst busting pleasure fella. Right there in your face. Enjoy!
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Old 12-06-04, 06:21 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CRUM
I hate vending machines. They are nothing but an extension of the greed and wanton disrespect that corporate America has for the consuming public. You have no choice as to what is offered and no complaint if what you picked does not come out. And then you have an even chance of not receiving your money back. I have always hated these box like clerks who stand there woodenly, silent, but with a false brightness and cheery demeanor. They tempt us with visions of palm trees and bottles with droplets dripping seductively, giving the impression that once we have punched in the $1.25, 12ozs of thirst busting pleasure will envelope our taste buds. And what pops out, a warm coke that got dented on the way out and then explodes in your face. There's your thirst busting pleasure fella. Right there in your face. Enjoy!
That was a rant of rare beauty. Thanks.
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Old 12-06-04, 06:37 PM   #14
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I once worked for a large government agency which posted all of the usual office signs, plus some more of local invention. If something was prohibited, there was always a sign posted to say so.

One of the supervisors had the habit of walking room to room at 4:30 p.m. to see if anyone had left their desk early. One Friday afternoon, he was having trouble finding the four women and four guys assigned to one office. Finally, he opened the door to a conference room, and found the eight of them in the very late stages of a game of "strip pocker"...and the later stages of a large bottle of "Jack Daniels".

It was surprising the following Monday to find that the ONLY sign on that door merely read "Conference Room". So, it seems no rules were being broken.
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Old 12-06-04, 06:39 PM   #15
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"Don't not take items from the 'fridge (sic) if they don't belong to you!" -managment

I work alone most of the time.
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Old 12-06-04, 07:10 PM   #16
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"Don't not take items from the 'fridge (sic) if they don't belong to you!" -managment

I work alone most of the time.
How about, "Warning: this refrigerator is cleaned out every Friday. Any food left behind will be thrown away."

Ya, right. Whoever is throwing out the old food is afraid to throw out the rotten stuff.
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Old 12-06-04, 07:53 PM   #17
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The OSHA inspector stopped by my shop and made me install a danger sign on our shear that reads "DANGER! KEEP HANDS CLEAR OF MOVING BLADES!"

Trust me if you get your fingers into the blade it won't matter much, as the five ton clamping bar that holds the steel sheet in place would have already taken off your arm. I don't mind putting up the signs, but sometime they really miss the mark. You have to use two hands to operate the shear. One hand on each of the two control buttons, spaced 30" apart...
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Old 12-06-04, 08:04 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by webist
Sign in a local restaurant rest room. "Hot water is very Hot."
You can blame that on the 90-year old woman who sued McDonald's because her hot coffee was hot.
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Old 12-06-04, 08:17 PM   #19
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ohh, i just thought of another one. In the storage closets, there are signs that say "Handle Equipment Gently; Chair and Table Racks Damage Walls". To which, I wrote in permanent marker: "Try Hard to Gouge the Walls". Another sign: In the kitchen at the student union here: "Do not eat food!"
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Old 12-06-04, 08:22 PM   #20
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Those type of people annoy me...

I could almost imagine some grumpy old man in her shoes....
"What the...! Hot is hot! Oh no, we can't have this commie bull---t in our country, hot is to be no more than lukewarm here, dagnabbit!"

What's next...suing slush puppy because their treat is not hot enough?

Or even more amusing...Suiing the dairies because the drinker was lactose intolerant and didnt RTFM about their own condition.....

....Sometimes I think the law is merely trying to stop darwinism.
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Old 12-06-04, 08:29 PM   #21
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oh and another...."Please don't burrn the popcorn"

...what kind of tool can't make popcorn? I've always wondered this, and then pondered whether they are actually capable of safely operating a car, considering punchin in some numbers, hitting start, and waiting till the pops slow down is busting their rumps...

...or..."WARNING: STAIRS" .....really, so that's what those were...I thought those were shelves...who woulda thunk? /sarcasm
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Old 12-06-04, 09:13 PM   #22
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Funny story about buring popcorn:

I was visiting a friend living at base housing, and he put a bag of poopcorn in the microwave. He thought he programmed in three minutes (3:00) but put in one too many zeros, setting it for thirty minutes (30:00). Needless to say, the bag caught fire, set off the smoke dectector, which goes off at the fire station!
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Old 12-06-04, 09:14 PM   #23
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What really chaffs my butt is when you go to a fast food joint and ask for a Medium soda, and the moron behind the counter say: "We don't have Medium, just Regular, Large & Jumbo." DOH! I don't care WTF YOU call it, give me the one in the middle... it's a medium.
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Old 12-06-04, 09:22 PM   #24
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At my mums work there is a sign which does say "Watch out for stair" The strange thing is there is no stair any where near that sign. I also hate some of the signs you see that have "Warning: Low cieling mind your head" Wait a minute the cieling is a bit over 2 m high, most people are a) not affected or b) HAVE EYES
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Old 12-06-04, 09:34 PM   #25
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I have a "Complaint Department, Take a number" handgrenade on my desk. Some idiot pulled the pin... I shot him.
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