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  1. #1
    Mystery Meat gitarzan's Avatar
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    Foo Letters To Santa

    Dear Old Saint Nick,

    What gives? Every year all I get for Christmas is a screaming wife, and a bunch of gift cards to restaurants I don't like. Olive Garden? Get real. If I want mushy pasta, I can open a can of Chef Boyardee. Anyway, I know you're not a saint anymore, so let's all drop the naughty and nice crap, huh? I really do try to be a good guy. I know I don't give money to bums at the freeway exits, but I did give one who was standing in the rain an umbrella and the sonuvagun tossed it down by the road and kept panhandling. But on the other hand I give $20s to the guys with the firemens boots at the stoplights and the same to the people at the pet store trying give away stray cats for $85. Anyway, I hadn't writ you a letter since since I was about 7 so it's overdue. All I want for Christmas is to be able to say "Happy Holidays" without some jackass trying to lecture me on the non-existent war on Christmas. I also want to be 22 again. OK 30. Just as long as it was before I got married. And more pics this year in Women of Foo. I'd like that. Lastly I'd like to be over the cold. A month is long enough. I'm really tired of coughing.

    Cheer's and Happy Holidays,

    -Dave

    P.S. Make my wife STFU if you can't do the making me younger thing.
    Last edited by gitarzan; 12-18-11 at 11:39 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jseis View Post
    Is a ukulele player in a mandolin town and banned from all bars by the chief of police unless he leaves his strings and gravy at the front door.

  2. #2
    Local Weed/gardening services Blak Majyk's Avatar
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    Dear Santa Claus

    Stop watching me while I'm sleeping.


    Sincerely,
    Brandon
    2011 Custom Verde Modus, "Blak Majyk."

  3. #3
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blak Majyk View Post
    Dear Santa Claus

    Stop watching me while I'm sleeping.


    Sincerely,
    Brandon
    He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...

    SANTA IS A STALKER!! Check the chimney for hidden cameras.
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    So Tom only hires people that are nutty? Is part of the requirement to be a moderator on this site is that you have to be nuts??
    Forum Guidelines *click here*

  4. #4
    WTF is that smell? crackerjab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
    He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...

    SANTA IS A STALKER!! Check the chimney for hidden cameras.
    And the toilet just in case.
    Your turtle skirt is exposing your FUPA.

  5. #5
    Dog is my co-pilot 2manybikes's Avatar
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    Dear Santa:

    I a..um.. never mind. I don't want anything. Can you take some of the stuff in the house out?

    Thanks, 2mb.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #6
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    Dear Santa:







    Yours,
    Spartacus
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  7. #7
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    I've been good this year...I promise

  8. #8
    Free @coasting RUOkie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    I've been good this year...I promise
    You know that she comes with baggage, right? nttawwt

    Quote Originally Posted by Herbie53 View Post
    Being full of crap and depositing it here consistently is really nothing to be proud of.

  9. #9
    Look! My Spine! RubenX's Avatar
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    Dear Santa,

    Last year you forgot about us and if it wasn't for a Foo friend nobody in this house would have gotten nothing. Thanks God, this year is a little bit better... Anyway, I don't anything this year. I'll rather ask you to take something away. I'm sure my attic squirrels will be very happy with you in the north pole.

    Please also take the "humane" have-a-heart squirrel "trap" that's in the attic. The squirrels enjoy playing with it a lot and I have no use for it.

    If you have no room for the squirrels in your home/shop, please stop by my door and get me a Tikka T3 Varmit with a huge box of .223 ammo and a nice BBQ grill

    Thanks, Rube'
    "Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes

  10. #10
    Caustic Soccer Mom apclassic9's Avatar
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    gitarzan - give the gift cards for the resturants you don't want to go to the panhandlers on the street... I'm sure those fine dining establishments will be more than glad to cash them in for them!
    As with mud, life, too, slides by.

  11. #11
    BF Risk Manager
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    Dear Santa:

    Please help me to visualize whirled peas. I keep trying, and it makes a mess in the blender.
    Regards, MillCreek
    Snohomish County, Washington USA

  12. #12
    Senior Member himespau's Avatar
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    Dear Santa,

    Can I maybe have a little more time in my days and some willpower so that I don't spend as much time on the bikeforums? Oh and if you want to take something, I could stand to give you maybe 20-30 lbs. without missing it at all.

    thanks dude.
    Punctuation is important. It's the difference between "I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse" and "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse"


  13. #13
    Pentapointed Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    Dear Santa,

    I just want a liver transplant for little Timmy and rehab for Mom and now that SueEllen's done moved out to Hollywood early release for Dad.

    Thanks,

    Your Friend

    ahsposo

  14. #14
    smorenivore colorider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    I've been good this year...I promise
    You know the wifey won't let you keep so you should consider regifting. Just sayin'

  15. #15
    location:northern Ohio
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    Dear Santa,
    Please give "The Rube" a kevlar vest so a hunting accident is not fatal and give Kim Jung Il an extra hot spot in hell.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  16. #16
    Mystery Meat gitarzan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by apclassic9 View Post
    gitarzan - give the gift cards for the resturants you don't want to go to the panhandlers on the street... I'm sure those fine dining establishments will be more than glad to cash them in for them!
    What a great Idea!
    Quote Originally Posted by Jseis View Post
    Is a ukulele player in a mandolin town and banned from all bars by the chief of police unless he leaves his strings and gravy at the front door.

  17. #17
    Senior Member trackhub's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
    He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...

    SANTA IS A STALKER!! Check the chimney for hidden cameras.
    OR... This entire Santa business trains little kids to accept Big Brother watching them!

    Anyway..

    Dear Santa,
    I'd really like a Light Saber this year. I mean a real one, that can cut its way through anything and anyone. Oh, one with a Red Beam would be nice, as I tend to crave power and whatnot. A Light Saber would really come in handy when I'm bothered on the road by teenaged males. I could really surprise the u-know-what out of them with a Light Saber.

    Santa, I know how busy you are, but if you could manage it, I'd also like to be able to shoot force lightning. I know it's asking a lot, but this would also be a wonderful thing to able to do. I've been very, very good this year. Just ask anyone. Looking forward to Christmas morning. Thanks.
    I thought I was suffering from depression once. Turned out, I was simply surrounded by idiots.

  18. #18
    Pentapointed Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    My question is:

    What's with Santa and small people. He seems to have a thing for elves and children.

    What's up with that?

  19. #19
    Bike Junkie aadhils's Avatar
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    Santa Clara, CA
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    Orange Brompton M3L; Milwaukee Bicycle Co. Fixie (Eddy Orange)
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  20. #20
    ÖöÖöÖöÖöÖö Dannihilator's Avatar
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    Dear Santa,

    All I want for christmas is to be able to sleep in.
    Strike like an eagle and sacrifice the dove.
    Words and Stuff.

  21. #21
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Dear Santa,

    My letters to god have been going unanswered and am wondering if you might be able to help me... and what I am asking for is not just for myself but for all of humanity.

    Am really hoping that you could come and take away Justin Beiber and give us back Freddie Mercury.

    Please ?

    I've been good.

  22. #22
    Senior Member RunningPirate's Avatar
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    Attn: Mr. S. Claus

    From: Dewey, Screwem & Howe, Attourneys

    Re: Agreement #13579

    Mr. Claus –

    It has come to our attention that you and our client – Mr. RunningPirate – have engaged in an implied agreement in years past. In short, you have agreed to supply requested items to our client based on his ability to be “good”. We have been informed that while our client has fulfilled his part of the agreement and that you have yet to fulfill yours. To wit, over the past several years, our client has: Eaten his vegetables, cleaned his room, sat quietly upon request, brushed his teeth, and – most recently – did not cry while mommy was in the dressing room. In return for these services, our client was led to believe he would receive:

    1) A pony;
    2) GI Joe (with Kung-Fu grip);
    3) A Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine ***;
    4) A Gulfstream V, and
    5) Hope Solo.

    To date, our client has received none of these items. Please make any and all efforts to reconcile your account or we will be forced to take further, legal action.

    Yours,

    Dewew, Screwem & Howe, Attourneys for Mr. RunningPirate
    There's nothing for you to see here...just move along, now...

  23. #23
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    .
    .
    .
    .


    <------------- I know it's impossible but always worth asking for.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  24. #24
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    .
    .
    .
    .


    <------------- I know it's impossible but always worth asking for.
    Global orgy ?

  25. #25
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Dear Santa:

    Underneath my faux tree (thanks to an overly zealous siamese - I CAN'T HAVE ONE) ahem,

    I would like to ask for a new digital camera. I have one picked out and I must say it takes the most lovely pictures. I will have so much fun taking pictures of the holiday events .

    Or maybe after Christmas I shall gift myself.

    I luvs me sales!!!!
    Last edited by Tude; 12-22-11 at 12:59 AM.

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