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Old 12-14-04, 04:46 AM   #1
KrisPistofferson
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My dog is lazy as hell.

Man, I swear he sleeps like 18+ hours a day. He's always up to do anything when I'll take him along, but the rest of the time he just sleeps. He's healthy and not at all fat, he just likes to sleep a lot. Dadgum.
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Old 12-14-04, 09:42 AM   #2
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How big is he? It seems like big dogs sleep a lot. I have a St. Bernard, and he's lying down all the time.
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Old 12-14-04, 09:52 AM   #3
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35#, he's half lab, half border collie, and then probably some mystery meat thrown in. He hit 35# when he was a few months old and hasn't gained an ounce in 3 years.
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Old 12-14-04, 10:08 AM   #4
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I once had a greyhound. Best described as a 35mph couch potato. Once a day she would do about a dozen full speed laps around the house, then sleep for the rest of the day.
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Old 12-14-04, 10:47 AM   #5
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He is bored and depressed
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Old 12-14-04, 11:17 AM   #6
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Sounds like some of my college buddies.
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Old 12-14-04, 11:43 AM   #7
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I'll trade ya. I have a Lab,Pit Bull, herding dog of some type, with a little small dog thrown in female who is some hyper. 2 Speeds. Full tilt boogie and dead. Hopefully, when she reaches 2 years old, the puppy maddness will ratchet back a tad. And to compliment this extreme, we also have an ancient mutt of undetermined origin who is deaf and moves 3 times a day. I have actually had folks come into the shop and tell me about the dead dog out in the parking lot. I just chuckle.
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Old 12-14-04, 11:50 AM   #8
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I can't trade, I love him too much! He's seriously the absolute best, most intelligent, obedient and kind dog I've ever had the pleasure of owning. He and I are inseparable.
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Old 12-14-04, 11:58 AM   #9
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Cats are worse. I found out when I stayed home with the flu once and they slept almost the entire time. They only got up when they were annoyed with my tossing and turning.
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Old 12-14-04, 12:07 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krispistoferson
35#, he's half lab, half border collie, and then probably some mystery meat thrown in. He hit 35# when he was a few months old and hasn't gained an ounce in 3 years.
I think that's what our dog is. Border collie / lab / something. 48 pounds. 8 years old. Ball of energy, that one. Will run next to my bike (on a Springer) for 5-10 miles. Smart, too. A fine dog!
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Old 12-14-04, 12:48 PM   #11
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Cats are worse. I found out when I stayed home with the flu once and they slept almost the entire time. They only got up when they were annoyed with my tossing and turning.
Yeah, we have them too. 8 of the little buggers. 4 are half grown kittens. My wife and I foster for the local shelter, taking in the overflow and the sick. We have had as many as 12 at a time and it is literally a zoo here. We are probably going to keep these 4. We nursed 2 of them back from death's door and when we do that, the attachment is hard to break. And the other 2 are just plain cool. If I can just get Fernando to stop nursing on my neck at 3 in the morning. I'm gonna wake up grumpy, and he's gonna end up against the wall one of these days.

All predators sleep a lot. It is their nature. They naturally conserve their energy for the hunt. Look at Lions in the wild. A lazier bunch of neer do wells you never see. But when they are hungry, watch out.
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Old 12-14-04, 12:55 PM   #12
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Quote:
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All predators sleep a lot. It is their nature. They naturally conserve their energy for the hunt. Look at Lions in the wild. A lazier bunch of neer do wells you never see. But when they are hungry, watch out.
Yeah, then they send out the females in the pride to catch the food and bring it back so the alpha male can have a snack.
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Old 12-14-04, 07:19 PM   #13
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I watched Bob, our big yellow male cat, stalking a grey squirrel one day. Bob worked hard to sneak up on it. He pounced and tackled the squirrel. And then had his butt handed to him. That squirrel laid into Bob, and to this day, Bob will not go after any of the numerous grey squirrels in our yard. He'll chase the daylights out of the wild turkeys though. Go figure.
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Old 12-14-04, 10:04 PM   #14
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My oldest dog is a purebred Black Lab, she is about 13 years old, and she will onl get up once in a while to go outside. She is insane with routines, its actually quite hilarious to see all of her quirks. On the rare occasion that she gets up the motivation to play, she plays just like a puppy.
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Old 12-15-04, 08:34 AM   #15
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What'd you do... smoke him up one too many times? Now he just wants to eat cheetos and sleep !!


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Old 12-26-04, 06:09 PM   #16
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Wow, sounds like our old dog. We had a beagle that weighed a lot. I won't say how much because when I do, people think I'm lying. Anyways, all he cared about was eating. He wasn't even a good watchdog. If a stranger came into the house, he may lift his head, look at the stranger, and put his head back down. But if he smelled food, he would camp out under the kitchen table waiting for food to drop.

Sad to say that last month, he had to be put to sleep. My step-brother was taking care of him and he had gotten so fat, that he rarely moved. I don't know the rest of the story, but all I know is that the dog is dead now.
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Old 12-26-04, 06:18 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CRUM
Yeah, we have them too. 8 of the little buggers. 4 are half grown kittens. My wife and I foster for the local shelter, taking in the overflow and the sick. We have had as many as 12 at a time and it is literally a zoo here. We are probably going to keep these 4. We nursed 2 of them back from death's door and when we do that, the attachment is hard to break. And the other 2 are just plain cool. If I can just get Fernando to stop nursing on my neck at 3 in the morning. I'm gonna wake up grumpy, and he's gonna end up against the wall one of these days.

All predators sleep a lot. It is their nature. They naturally conserve their energy for the hunt. Look at Lions in the wild. A lazier bunch of neer do wells you never see. But when they are hungry, watch out.


8 cats have you
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Old 12-26-04, 07:16 PM   #18
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I have a few pets myself and found this rather fitting

MEMO: TO THE FAMILY PETS:

1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It
does not mean switch positions with each other so
there are still two of you in the way.

2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain
your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my
food. (Please note: placing a paw print in the
middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it,
nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in any way.)


3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is
not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size
bed. Locate your inner beast and remember that
sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball. So
it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other, stretched out to the fullest extent
possible.

5. My compact discs are not miniature frisbees.

6. For the last time, humans like to use the
bathroom alone. If by some miracle I beat you there
and manage to get the door shut, it won't help to
claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. (Trust
me, I have been using the bathroom for years, canine
or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not
funny to make a sudden leap onto my stomach and drop
a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on my crotch, no
matter how much that makes other family members
laugh.

8.Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad
face and whimpering pathetically will get you out of
trouble when I find a puddle of pee on the carpet.
The face and the whimpering only validate that you
knew it was wrong when you did it.

9. Cat: My sitting down to bite into a juicy
sandwich is not a signal for you to begin gagging
loudly and then hocking up the most disgusting
hairball in history.

10. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me,then go
lick yourself. I cannot stress this enough.


To pacify you I have posted the following message on
our front door:

***Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and complain
about our pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's is an adopted
child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is
speech-challenged.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat
less, are easier to train, usually come when called,
don't ask for money, never drive your car, don't
hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, don't
worry about the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes and don't need a gazillion dollars for
college.

And if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
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Old 12-26-04, 07:30 PM   #19
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Old 12-26-04, 08:48 PM   #20
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And this... so true in so many ways:

Dear God,

1. Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?Where are their priorities?When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

2. Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

3. If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?

4. More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

5. When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

6. Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.

7. Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

8. We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

9. May I have my testicles back?

10. Why are there so many rules? These are just some of the things I must remember (in order to keep my present living arrangements):

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

9. I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.

10. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

11. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

12. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them.

13. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and dad's laps.

14. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

15. I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.

16. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

17. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

18. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, doesn't mean it's cleaner.

19. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

20. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my rear end can quickly clear a room.
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Old 12-26-04, 09:29 PM   #21
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It's not like pets have anything to do...
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Old 12-26-04, 09:52 PM   #22
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I am using my chocolate lab as an arm rest right now. I am laying on my bed with my lap top she is laying next to me. My parents put her bed up here of course does she use it, no, why use the small bed when she could use mine.
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Old 12-26-04, 11:08 PM   #23
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Dogs are also a great footwarmer. THat's why they're four degrees warmer than we are.

All those posts are funny. I remember we used to do this routine, "you'll never hear a dog say..."

Ewww! I'm not eating that. It fell on the floor!

Darn. I just wasted a whole day lying around.

I refuse to eat out of this bowl unless someone washes it.

I didn't sleep a wink all night.

That's it, I learned my lesson. I'll never chase the skunks again.

Thanks, no more for me. I'm on a diet.

Phew, I think I need a bath.

Pardon me, does my breath smell?
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Old 12-28-04, 11:54 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tin Man
I have a few pets myself and found this rather fitting

4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size
bed. Locate your inner beast and remember that
sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball. So
it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other, stretched out to the fullest extent
possible.
I have this problem with my dogs. I have 2 mastiffs (a 4 yr old and a 9 month old) and a queen size bed. At night I always wonder why I got a big bed and am only able to sleep on about 3square feet of it!

and my dogs are lazy too, but I like lazy dogs more than crazy bundled up energy dogs.
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Old 12-28-04, 01:24 PM   #25
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Sounds like he's related to my cat. Now that would be somethin!!
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