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Old 12-16-04, 02:59 PM   #1
timmhaan
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am i going to be single again?

if i tell my GF i'm losing my attraction to her because she's gaining weight? she's like my best friend now instead of the sexual queen she was when we first started dating. she works about 60-70 hours a week, so i can't really tell her to 'hit the gym', and i cannot get her to ride a bike at all with me. we did a little jogging last weekend, but i don't really enjoying doing that either. i still love her, of course, but i'm having trouble 'getting it up' so to speak so we need to resolve this somehow soon. i feel like such a shumck since she's been so good to me.
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Old 12-16-04, 03:08 PM   #2
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Tapeworm egg.

But seriously, not only is your relationship at risk, but her health as well. A 20 min. a day workout can almost always be squeezed into a busy schedule and will help a lot. How about small changes in the diet? A little calorie restriction can go a long way. I feel for you, that can quite a hazardous topic to bring up, but if you care about her enough you're going to have to do something.
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Old 12-16-04, 03:12 PM   #3
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Just my opinion here, but if you can't look at her and see how beautiful she is inside & out, then there is a bigger problem then just her weight.

If you truly & deeply love someone, then they are always beautiful and attractive to you no matter what!
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Old 12-16-04, 03:13 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timmhaan
if i tell my GF i'm losing my attraction to her because she's gaining weight? she's like my best friend now instead of the sexual queen she was when we first started dating. she works about 60-70 hours a week, so i can't really tell her to 'hit the gym', and i cannot get her to ride a bike at all with me. we did a little jogging last weekend, but i don't really enjoying doing that either. i still love her, of course, but i'm having trouble 'getting it up' so to speak so we need to resolve this somehow soon. i feel like such a shumck since she's been so good to me.

Try to set a good example. pamper her with some healthy food and workout clothes.
Make it as convenient as you can for her to exercise.
If she loves you and she's and hot and ready for you, you should be able to "get it up" for her.
Give her a chance.
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Old 12-16-04, 03:14 PM   #5
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What turtlegirl said. But, what's her diet like? Healthy eater? Good portions? Or does she eat a lot of unhealthy stuff in large amounts, and snack a lot?
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Old 12-16-04, 03:14 PM   #6
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So, she does not read this forum on a regular basis? Somehow, I don't think she is gonna like this thread.
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Old 12-16-04, 03:17 PM   #7
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LOL! no, she doesn't visit the forum, i'm 99.99% sure of that.
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Old 12-16-04, 03:20 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by snickersnicker
What turtlegirl said. But, what's her diet like? Healthy eater? Good portions? Or does she eat a lot of unhealthy stuff in large amounts, and snack a lot?
her job requires her to take clients out and socialize with them. it's a lot of parties, cocktails, snack food, fancy dinners, etc.. when we're together we eat good quality food, but she can out eat me most of the time. which isn't saying much, as i'm on the thin side myself.
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Old 12-16-04, 03:21 PM   #9
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Tell her, dude, it is important for her to know what is important to you regardless of how shallow (I'm not being mean, we are all shallow in some ways). If you turned to a lard butt I'm sure she would want to say something to you. If the relationship goes further it is important that she know your sexual health is related to her slim appearance.

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she's like my best friend now instead of the sexual queen she was when we first started dating.
You must have gotten married
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Old 12-16-04, 04:09 PM   #10
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it appears your thread title predicts the inevitable
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Old 12-16-04, 05:40 PM   #11
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Merton... lovin' ya. Always painfully honest, and you don't care how stupid you sound. I am totally lovin' ya... seriously. Get your butt up here to Chicago so I can whup you good, then shower you with some love! Friendship style, of course, in case you're wondering about bangin'.

Anyway, for Tim, you would think there's more to a relationship than looks. I mean, what if she gets old and wrinkly? Are you going to complain because the looks go away too? What did you base this relationship on to begin with? It doesn't look like there's love involved, because if there was, you wouldn't care what she looked like, right?

If there is a lot of concern about her health, that's a totally different thing, though. I can say that it gets tough as a woman the older you get to keep your weight down. Naturally, our metabolism gets slower, and a lot of people do not know this, so what we did in our teens and early 20s for exercise and eating may have been nothing much, but at the same time, as we get older, it's just not enough anymore. Even if you know better, it still is difficult to control weight. It doesn't help she has to work so much, and it doesn't help that she has to socialize to that extent.

If you're really concerned about her health, rather than give her a "you're too fat for me to be attracted to you anymore" speech, give her a "hey, I'm really concerned about your unhealthy lifestyle you're stuck in, and I really want to help you get healthier by getting you some help with eating right and trying to find time to fit in some exercise. Point out how women will tend to gain more weight as they get older, and fat in the midsection is a big indicator of heart attacks. Ask her if she's feeling tired lately. Tell her if she can drop some weight, she might not be so tired, since she won't be hauling around so much extra bodyfat. Tell her if she's having to buy new clothes because she's gained weight, imagine how much money she could save if she could just work to get the weight off. Then give her a good Christmas gift- like a 6 month membership to Curves (only 30 minutes per day, and it yields great results for inactive women who haven't done much for exercise). Then point her towards a good nutritionist that can help her with making good healthy food choices. Sometimes, just cutting back the calories can be all it takes to get the first 5- 10 pounds off, then exercise can do the rest of it. Don't be a bad boyfriend that just makes her feel bad about the weight... I know you are better than that.

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Old 12-16-04, 06:38 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by MERTON
aww man. just missed it.


anyway, it should be an acceptable concern. in a proper relationship you should be able to talk about each other being too fat safely, without the partner feeling hurt. now if the desire for thinness is unreasonable (like wanting her super model thing or her wanting you built like arnold) then get out. but if you just want the person to have a nice, in shape body so you can enjoy the physical pleasures of a relationship too, i think there is nothing wrong.

you can get this sort of thing. just make excercise something you enjoy together and be honest (but warm!!!) from the begining. also try to get someone that already likes to excercise the same way you do.

tell her that you miss riding with her. if she takes that to mean she's fat then she probably is. if she ain't you both need to go to the shrink to figure out how to get rid of her anxiety/depression/insecurity problem.

also, don't go after dieters. go after people who actually enjoy physical activity. one needs a well rounded life and a well rounded partner. you have the physical and the mental. they must both be taken care of. sex is just a natural part of a relationship. and fitness is a natural part of enjoying sex. (this idea does not extend to plastic surgery. not for anit aging, not for big boobs/wangs. it is about fitness. if you need that sorta thing then get outta there.)

also, you stay in shape for her, why ain't she doin the same for you?
So... where did you copy this from, Merton? Certainly doesn't sound like the Merton we've come to know and ridicule.

And anyone who says looks don't count is kidding themselves. Attraction is based on a number of things, "inside and out". These forums and other are rife with stories of women *and* men whose self-esteem has been affected by overweight or obesity prior to taking up cycling. Those who have done something about it usually end up with stories of "hey, I'm dating again", and "I feel attractive to the opposite sex".

Even I sent some pictures to someone the other day, and thought: "Hmmm, I'm looking and feeling so much better having taken off 15kg since the beginning of the year".

And as to maintaining an attraction as we get wrinkly? Perfectly fine if you're doing it *together*. Ageing is one of those incremental things that we don't notice if we live with someone day by day.
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Old 12-16-04, 07:03 PM   #13
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Priceless MERTON, pricless!!!

ROTFLMAO
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Old 12-16-04, 07:14 PM   #14
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Priceless MERTON, pricless!!!

ROTFLMAO
Not fair Stacey. How dare you cut a man off in his prime!!!
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Old 12-16-04, 07:15 PM   #15
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it appears your thread title predicts the inevitable
Yep.
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Old 12-16-04, 07:17 PM   #16
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Not fair Stacey. How dare you cut a man off in his prime!!!
Who? You or MERTON?

Life ain't fair
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Old 12-16-04, 07:21 PM   #17
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Even your own work is much too subtle for ya Stacey?

You missed out a vital "e" in the second priceless... poor Merton...
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Old 12-16-04, 07:28 PM   #18
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Even your own work is much too subtle for ya Stacey?

You missed out a vital "e" in the second priceless... poor Merton...
Slaps forehead!
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Old 12-16-04, 07:30 PM   #19
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wow, you're shallow!
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Old 12-16-04, 07:41 PM   #20
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Slaps forehead!
Don't you go back and edit it, now!
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Old 12-16-04, 08:02 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlegirl
Just my opinion here, but if you can't look at her and see how beautiful she is inside & out, then there is a bigger problem then just her weight.

If you truly & deeply love someone, then they are always beautiful and attractive to you no matter what!
Bull@!^*.

If a person quits taking care of themselves and becomes overly involved in work they are not always beautiful, they are sloth and not keeping the relationship up.

We can all be pencil thin, but you can't work your self silly and eat to fill in the cracks and expect a relationship to work.

Break it down to her. It's not only for you, it's for your health.

And don't go talking about "oh it's the love".

My mom loved my dad until the day he died.. making a right angle on the couch nearly comotose.

Turtlegirl, live in your world, but reality is we are getting fatter and ovler involved with work to the point we... forget about loved ones and ourselves.
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Old 12-16-04, 08:07 PM   #22
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L-e-t m-e s-p-e-l-l i-t o-u-t f-o-r y-o-u

Stacey said Priceless, Merton, pricless

If you look very, very carefully at the second reference to priceless, she missed out the first "e" which, if you read it phonetically, makes it pric(k)less.

Which is what it makes you... not intentionally.

It was a little play on words.

Can we resume normal service now?
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Old 12-16-04, 08:09 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by MERTON
you're wierd man.
Me weird? ME weird. Just look at your sig line, man, to see r-e-a-l-l-y weird!!
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Old 12-16-04, 08:46 PM   #24
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i before e except after c, in weird and lots of other examples.
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Old 12-16-04, 08:52 PM   #25
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I second the tape worm... Tim, you need to worm her.
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