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Old 02-02-12, 06:43 AM   #1
RubenX 
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Worst Nightmare EVER!

I just woke up from a terrible nightmare. I was dreaming I had a wife and we had a breakup... but that's not the terrible part... the terrible part is that this nightmare breakup was a mix of my previous breakups + my buddies breakups mixed into one. Check the individual stories first.

The New House

This one was one of my breakups. I had a wife and we were buying a house. She was really happy with the house but bank denied due to lack of credit history from both. My mom step in and bought the house for me on her name. I didn't told anything to wife, she thought it was both on our name. First week after moving into the house, wife trows me out and says "I want a divorce and now you have to keep paying the house". I got out, mom threw *her* out later that week.

Pregnant from another

This one happened to a buddy of mine, wife got pregnant and my friend was not the father. The left him and went to live with the father of the baby.

You will never be a good father

This was is mine too, with a girlfriend decades ago. She got pregnant but we were not living together or anything, just been boyfriends for a few months. I really loved her (or so I thought at the time) and offered marriage immediately. She declined, broke the relationship and got an abortion saying that I will never be a good father so she wasn't gonna even try.

The Replacement

This one happened to another buddy of mine. His girlfriend wanted them to live together and insisted he moved in with her. He did and few weeks after she changed her mind and told him to get out. She let him stay for 2 weeks, giving him time to find another place. But before the f irst week was over, she bought in "the new guy" to live there too, new guy in the room and my friend in the couch.

The Unemployed

Another buddy of mine, lost his job, wife kicked him out same week.... "you are useless to me without an income" were the last words on that one.

Far Away

Another buddy of mine bought a place really far away from all family and friends. Even his work was a 3 hour commute. But the place was cheap. The wife got pregnant and went psycho-bipolar soon after (expected). These didn't broke up but she would trow him out every month or so saying that he was too stinky.... "and don't you there taking the car and leaving me here pregnant in the middle of nowhere". He was always calling somebody to go pick him up 300 miles away, lol.

I told you so, now you are on your own

Another buddy of mine had a girlfriend. He was living with his mother who always said "that woman is not good for you". He got the girlfriend pregnant girlfriend moved in with him (and his mom). Few months later they had an argument and she threw him out (of his mom's). And then the mom said "I told you so, now you are on your own because I can't trow out my grandson".

So, how Rube managed to mix all this into one? Here it is:

Ruben's Nightmare

I had a wife who was pregnant. We moved into a house far away. She said I would never be a good father and got an abortion. Then I lost my job. Then she got pregnant from another guy and bought the guy in to live with her, sending me to the couch and giving me 2 weeks to get out. The house belonged to my mother, but mom said "I told you so, you are on your own". I call friends to pick me up, but nobody wanted to make the 300 miles trip.

Oh foo... I woke up all worked up. The only person that didn't appeared in the nightmare was my current girlfriend who was hugging me when I woke up, sleeping. I couldn't go back to sleep and the story was so bizarre I had to post it. Also, there were a few Foosters among the friends I called to pick me up during the nightmare:

- Siu could not pick me up because she just polished the truck's wheels and didn't wanted to get them dirty.
- UA had to fix the engine of a Cesna-152
- 65er said no way I'm gonna ride the tandem all the way from Canuckistan
- Jsharr & Spry said "lol" and hung up.
- Fussy had a swollen thumb and could not drive.
- I didn't call ilikebikes but he called me to let me know it was probably my fault.

And that's all for this week's RubenStory(TM)
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Last edited by RubenX; 02-02-12 at 06:53 AM.
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Old 02-02-12, 06:50 AM   #2
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Probably should lay off those burritos after 10 PM.
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Old 02-02-12, 07:22 AM   #3
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Are you doing drugs?
Yes? STOP!
No? Find some!

btw... I really like the part about Siu not wanting to get the wheels dirty. Nice.
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Old 02-02-12, 09:29 AM   #4
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Well, I dream about work every single night. Every single night. No exceptions. Been this way for the past five years or so. Talk about a nightmare...
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Old 02-02-12, 09:37 AM   #5
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Old 02-02-12, 10:01 AM   #6
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You need to find friends with more successful relationships.
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Old 02-02-12, 11:22 AM   #7
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1) listening to your life makes mine seem not so bad...
2) reading about your nightmare makes me glad that I. NEVER. REMEMBER. DREAMS. NEVER. (I understand that is a sign of mental illness - probably explains alot)
3) Remember - your reality is what is happening right now... the past is done and cannot be undone so always best to move on. REMEMBER your mistakes and try not to repeat them.
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Old 02-02-12, 11:47 AM   #8
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I've been dreamin' a lot lately. More often than not, lotsa folks is nekkid in these dreams...
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Old 02-02-12, 11:59 AM   #9
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At least it was just a dream.
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Old 02-02-12, 02:41 PM   #10
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Don't hesitate to call your risk manager.
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Old 02-02-12, 02:49 PM   #11
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Whoa...where do I go to meet quality wiminz like these?
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Old 02-02-12, 02:52 PM   #12
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Whoa...where do I go to meet quality wiminz like these?
Puerto Rico my friend... Puerto Rico.
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Old 02-02-12, 02:53 PM   #13
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*takes down notes and emails them to the creator of "Desperate Housewives", suggesting a new series called "Ruben's World"*
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Old 02-02-12, 03:51 PM   #14
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Probably should lay off those burritos after 10 PM.
Burritos?! I think you may be refering to Mexicans, Rubes Puerto Rican, we eat pasteles, BIG ****in' difference. (if I eat to many Pasteles I do get nightmares!)
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Old 02-02-12, 03:57 PM   #15
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As a cub reporter for High Times Magazine I've been saving these short stories to post a series at a later date.This type of intense material does not grow on yucca trees.
With the upcoming wedding,loans,rent(withheld deposit),gun ammo,car repair parts,I should be able to buy the Rubenstories (tm)copyrights for next to nothing
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