I just woke up from a terrible nightmare. I was dreaming I had a wife and we had a breakup... but that's not the terrible part... the terrible part is that this nightmare breakup was a mix of my previous breakups + my buddies breakups mixed into one. Check the individual stories first.
The New House
This one was one of my breakups. I had a wife and we were buying a house. She was really happy with the house but bank denied due to lack of credit history from both. My mom step in and bought the house for me on her name. I didn't told anything to wife, she thought it was both on our name. First week after moving into the house, wife trows me out and says "I want a divorce and now you have to keep paying the house". I got out, mom threw *her* out later that week.
Pregnant from another
This one happened to a buddy of mine, wife got pregnant and my friend was not the father. The left him and went to live with the father of the baby.
You will never be a good father
This was is mine too, with a girlfriend decades ago. She got pregnant but we were not living together or anything, just been boyfriends for a few months. I really loved her (or so I thought at the time) and offered marriage immediately. She declined, broke the relationship and got an abortion saying that I will never be a good father so she wasn't gonna even try.
This one happened to another buddy of mine. His girlfriend wanted them to live together and insisted he moved in with her. He did and few weeks after she changed her mind and told him to get out. She let him stay for 2 weeks, giving him time to find another place. But before the f irst week was over, she bought in "the new guy" to live there too, new guy in the room and my friend in the couch.
Another buddy of mine, lost his job, wife kicked him out same week.... "you are useless to me without an income" were the last words on that one.
Another buddy of mine bought a place really far away from all family and friends. Even his work was a 3 hour commute. But the place was cheap. The wife got pregnant and went psycho-bipolar soon after (expected). These didn't broke up but she would trow him out every month or so saying that he was too stinky.... "and don't you there taking the car and leaving me here pregnant in the middle of nowhere". He was always calling somebody to go pick him up 300 miles away, lol.
I told you so, now you are on your own
Another buddy of mine had a girlfriend. He was living with his mother who always said "that woman is not good for you". He got the girlfriend pregnant girlfriend moved in with him (and his mom). Few months later they had an argument and she threw him out (of his mom's). And then the mom said "I told you so, now you are on your own because I can't trow out my grandson".
So, how Rube managed to mix all this into one? Here it is:
I had a wife who was pregnant. We moved into a house far away. She said I would never be a good father and got an abortion. Then I lost my job. Then she got pregnant from another guy and bought the guy in to live with her, sending me to the couch and giving me 2 weeks to get out. The house belonged to my mother, but mom said "I told you so, you are on your own". I call friends to pick me up, but nobody wanted to make the 300 miles trip.
Oh foo... I woke up all worked up. The only person that didn't appeared in the nightmare was my current girlfriend who was hugging me when I woke up, sleeping. I couldn't go back to sleep and the story was so bizarre I had to post it. Also, there were a few Foosters among the friends I called to pick me up during the nightmare:
- Siu could not pick me up because she just polished the truck's wheels and didn't wanted to get them dirty.
- UA had to fix the engine of a Cesna-152
- 65er said no way I'm gonna ride the tandem all the way from Canuckistan
- Jsharr & Spry said "lol" and hung up.
- Fussy had a swollen thumb and could not drive.
- I didn't call ilikebikes but he called me to let me know it was probably my fault.
And that's all for this week's RubenStory(TM)