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Old 02-22-12, 02:32 PM   #1
Tom Stormcrowe
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Things that make you go Hmmmmm: The Hospital Edition

Being on a clear liquid diet, and getting a lunch tray with a cup of broth, an orange popsicle,and a fork and a knife.
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Old 02-22-12, 02:42 PM   #2
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They put you on a clear liquid diet and then they give you weapons?
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Old 02-22-12, 02:46 PM   #3
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What? You eat the broth with your hands?
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Old 02-22-12, 02:53 PM   #4
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The knife is for cutting all of the cellophane wrapping everything is in, right?
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Old 02-22-12, 02:53 PM   #5
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Just be happy it wasn't chopsticks.
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Old 02-22-12, 02:55 PM   #6
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So will you be BBQing the popsicle and broth and putting the pictures here?
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Old 02-22-12, 03:12 PM   #7
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A hospital here used to have ashtrays (back when they allowed smoking in hospitals) that were supplied by a local funeral home. There was a small advertisement in the bottom of the ashtray.

Sorry, what were we talking about?
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Old 02-22-12, 04:17 PM   #8
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The genteel patient eats his popsicle with a knife and fork. And no vulgar sucking of the stick, either.
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Old 02-22-12, 04:35 PM   #9
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So will you be BBQing the popsicle and broth and putting the pictures here?
Wouldn't deep fry be healthier.
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Old 02-22-12, 05:45 PM   #10
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And they gave me this drink called GoLYTELY. It makes you go anything but lightly!
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Old 02-22-12, 06:21 PM   #11
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Being on a clear liquid diet, and getting a lunch tray with a cup of broth, an orange popsicle,and a fork and a knife.
And no spoon?

I'm going to keep doing gripping excercises just in case I end up in the hospital and I need to strangle a nurse.
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Old 02-22-12, 07:32 PM   #12
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The only places I do not have access to in the hospital / medical center I have worked in for the last 3 decades are cashier and pharmacy areas. During that time, I have seen things that have made me go Hmmmmm, and then some.
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Old 02-22-12, 07:39 PM   #13
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Your supposed to save the knife in case of zombie apocalypse.
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Old 02-22-12, 07:44 PM   #14
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The genteel patient eats his popsicle with a knife and fork. And no vulgar sucking of the stick, either.
Yes, the stick should be cut neatly into bite-sized pieces before it is eaten. A man needs his fiber.
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Old 02-22-12, 08:55 PM   #15
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And they gave me this drink called GoLYTELY. It makes you go anything but lightly!
I'm confused.

Is the clot in your heart or your colon?
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Old 02-22-12, 09:01 PM   #16
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Wait until they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.
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Old 02-22-12, 09:13 PM   #17
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And they gave me this drink called GoLYTELY. It makes you go anything but lightly!
[video=youtube;8AaaO5aYBAI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AaaO5aYBAI[/video]
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Old 02-22-12, 10:26 PM   #18
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"Golly Telly"? Oh that's funneh.
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Old 02-22-12, 10:29 PM   #19
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At least you haven't had hospital security come in your room to have your room mate's for that day's daughter escorted out of the hospital like I had last year.
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Old 02-22-12, 11:13 PM   #20
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And they gave me this drink called GoLYTELY. It makes you go anything but lightly!
Yep. Like Brillo for the colon. We deliver a couple dozen "doses" every day (I work in a hospital pharmacy).
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Old 02-23-12, 12:22 AM   #21
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I'm confused.

Is the clot in your heart or your colon?
Heart, but I also have a hemocrit of 7.4, and am extremely anemic. They're trying to figure out where I'm losing the blood at.
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Old 02-23-12, 12:28 AM   #22
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Tom, I wish you nothing but health and happiness and a bright future beyond your present temporary difficulties.
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Old 02-23-12, 12:35 AM   #23
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Much appreciated. . They've been looking for a GI bleed for almost 2 yrs now to no avail, and are beginning to think I have a quantum black hole down there leaking blood into an alternate universe.
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Old 02-23-12, 12:42 AM   #24
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I'm confused.

Is the clot in your heart or your colon?
It is a rite of pasage when you reach your elder years, grasshopper. One day you too will imbide the GolLETELY.
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Old 02-23-12, 02:58 AM   #25
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At least you haven't had hospital security come in your room to have your room mate's for that day's daughter escorted out of the hospital like I had last year.

while in for a eeg, the guy in the bed next me was ex-mil, and had a pschotic-break and ran out of the room half dressed. had to be found, drugged and then strapped into his bed.
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