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Old 05-24-12, 08:11 AM   #1
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Someone threw dog poo on my front porch

So many questions...
What should I do with said poo?
Whose poo is it?
What is the airspeed velocity of unladen poo?
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Old 05-24-12, 08:16 AM   #2
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Was it flaming?
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Old 05-24-12, 08:17 AM   #3
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It was Indy.

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Old 05-24-12, 08:22 AM   #4
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That's what you get for ignoring him.
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Old 05-24-12, 08:23 AM   #5
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It was Indy.

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But it wasn't dog poop.
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Old 05-24-12, 08:23 AM   #6
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No flames. No corn. No detectable bouquet. Good consistency.
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Old 05-24-12, 08:24 AM   #7
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That's what you get for ignoring him.
Very rarely do I ignore Indy or anyone for that matter.

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Old 05-24-12, 08:25 AM   #8
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No flames. No corn. No detectable bouquet. Good consistency.
How much does it weigh?
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Old 05-24-12, 08:33 AM   #9
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How much does it weigh?
Weight unknown. Let's just say it's bigger than Bailey poo (2manybikes) and smaller than Winston poo (Doohickie).
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Old 05-24-12, 08:33 AM   #10
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Send it out for DNA testing and begin to collect samples from known doggies so you can return it to it's rightful owner.

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/20...h-renters?lite
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 05-24-12, 08:39 AM   #11
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Send it out for DNA testing and begin to collect samples from known doggies so you can return it to it's rightful owner.

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/20...h-renters?lite
I'd be more interested in the method of delivery. Trebuchet? Or perhaps delivered directly from the [ahem] source?
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Old 05-24-12, 09:05 AM   #12
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I'd be more interested in the method of delivery. Trebuchet? Or perhaps delivered directly from the [ahem] source?
Was it splattered on your step or nicely put on your porch? Was it steaming or cold? So many questions.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:08 AM   #13
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Perhaps the perpatrator used a trebuchet or more likely a ballista to launch the assumed canine at your domicile and the animal lost control of it's bowels either just prior to, at or immediately following impact. I would eliminate the catapult from your list of possible medieval siege weapons, as it is not possible to launch a dog from one, for obvious reasons. Have you angered any hordes lately?
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:09 AM   #14
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No splatter effect. I didn't have a meat thermometer handy so I'll also it was ambient temp. Definitely canine, a healthy one.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:09 AM   #15
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Perhaps the perpatrator used a trebuchet or more likely a ballista to launch the assumed canine at your domicile and the animal lost control of it's bowels either just prior to, at or immediately following impact. I would eliminate the catapult from your list of possible medieval siege weapons, as it is not possible to launch a dog from one, for obvious reasons. Have you angered any hordes lately?
Well he does live in Wisconsin...perhaps it was thrown by a pitchfork?
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Old 05-24-12, 09:11 AM   #16
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It is probably the same dog that is pooping on his skis in his avatar. Maybe his skis were on his front porch as well?
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:12 AM   #17
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Neighbors are peaceful, though I am the newb here. Perhaps I unknowingly flashed a gang sign.

I am ruling out shock & awe although the small airport is nearby. The spread pattern was too narrow.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:17 AM   #18
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When I used to own a house (and my yard was planted out nicely and carefully trimmed), there was an idiot who would just let his dog out - and it seemed like it would bee-line for my yard (dog had issues because sometimes he would start at one end of my front yard and continue the streak to the other side - also hitting my sidewalk), I was the angry woman who would shovel up the crap and walk it down and fling it on his house. I would see him at the bar and told him one night, he laughed (his house was a broken down mess anyway) and he said he wondered how his dog was able to take a poo that high on the house ...
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Old 05-24-12, 09:18 AM   #19
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So that's where it landed.
I think my new trebuchet may have set a new world's record.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:22 AM   #20
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FTR, I keep my pups in my meager yard (renting a house). One of mine has been pushing the limits with his #2's but I make a point to clean it up pronto if it's on the neighbor's turf.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:23 AM   #21
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So that's where it landed.
I think my new trebuchet may have set a new world's record.
I think you meant teleporter. Thanks for not including the flies.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:27 AM   #22
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Very rarely do I ignore Indy or anyone for that matter.

Couch
...until the restraining order is issued.
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Old 05-24-12, 09:56 AM   #23
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What did they put in the back yard?
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Old 05-24-12, 10:36 AM   #24
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I have no back yard. It's a weird triangular-shaped lot near the end of a cul de sac.
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Old 05-24-12, 10:37 AM   #25
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...until the restraining order is issued.
It could have been chicken poop, could it not?
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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