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Old 06-19-12, 06:30 PM   #1
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A question for the ladies: what about the friend zone?

So the friend zone.

It definitely exists in that people will feel like they can't date people they've become friends with. The question is that is the friend zone insurmountable? Could a non-romantic friend potentially become romantic and eventually a lover?
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Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
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Old 06-19-12, 06:36 PM   #2
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No you can't nail your friends sister.
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Old 06-19-12, 06:50 PM   #3
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I've been friends with male friends for years, heh - always hung around with the guys, and no - they were never a romantic interlude, one nighter or cheating ghost. Total friends. In fact I need to catch up on a couple of people this weekend - one guy I haven't talked to in about 6 months but who I've known for probably 30 years (man alive I've gone thru his girlfriend/wife issues as his shoulder to cry on ...) - and I also have an ex where I'm basically his only friend - and I've known him for maybe 15 years - the last 6 year just as friends and nothing more. Good guy, but not me and I have someone. But I keep in touch with him (he was being fixed up with a girl at work by his boss, but that failed - boo).

Yes the SO can have friends of the opposite sex - and be just that, friends.
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Old 06-19-12, 07:07 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by SingingSabre View Post
So the friend zone.

It definitely exists in that people will feel like they can't date people they've become friends with. The question is that is the friend zone insurmountable? Could a non-romantic friend potentially become romantic and eventually a lover?
no. if you are in the friend zone you are stuffed. for ever.
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Old 06-19-12, 07:28 PM   #5
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Unless you can prove to her that you are member of the Black Dagger Society, then you're pretty much screwed.
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Old 06-19-12, 07:36 PM   #6
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no. if you are in the friend zone you are stuffed. for ever.
Not necessarily. I've dated two guys I was friends with. In both cases we decided we were better off as friends and went back to friendship without any problems.
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Old 06-20-12, 02:31 AM   #7
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My wife told me that "friends" is the box she stuffs guys into who don't turn her on and she has absolutely zero romantic interests in. She's always had tonnes of suitors and I made sure I wasn't ever put into the "friends" box. Heck, Friday night's coming and she's looking to break out and have some FUN! Who do you think she's gonna pick? Someone that she's put on the backburner? Or someone that turns her on? Life's always full of choices and very few of them are objectively made on a points basis. In fact, I assert that most are made in the reptilian brain at the primal level (all else equal):

1. cram yourself into a hut with 4 roommates? Or have your own 20,000 sq.ft mansion on 20-acres?
2. hang out on weekends with friends & famiy having fun? Or work 12-hrs/day at the office by yourself for no pay?
3. drive a beat-up 20-year clunker? Or have the latest Porsche or Ferrari?
4. dine on Taco Bell? Or have a nice fat juicy Kobe beef with Kobe lobster on the side?

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Old 06-20-12, 02:53 AM   #8
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Old 06-20-12, 07:00 AM   #9
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I've been friends with male friends for years, heh - always hung around with the guys, and no - they were never a romantic interlude, one nighter or cheating ghost. Total friends. In fact I need to catch up on a couple of people this weekend - one guy I haven't talked to in about 6 months but who I've known for probably 30 years (man alive I've gone thru his girlfriend/wife issues as his shoulder to cry on ...) - and I also have an ex where I'm basically his only friend - and I've known him for maybe 15 years - the last 6 year just as friends and nothing more. Good guy, but not me and I have someone. But I keep in touch with him (he was being fixed up with a girl at work by his boss, but that failed - boo).
Yes the SO can have friends of the opposite sex - and be just that, friends.
I completely agree. I have female friends that could never be anything more than that.

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Unless you can prove to her that you are member of the Black Dagger Society, then you're pretty much screwed.
Awesome series.

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Not necessarily. I've dated two guys I was friends with. In both cases we decided we were better off as friends and went back to friendship without any problems.
Been there. It's not a bad thing.
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Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
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Old 06-20-12, 07:51 AM   #10
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So the friend zone.

It definitely exists in that people will feel like they can't date people they've become friends with. The question is that is the friend zone insurmountable? Could a non-romantic friend potentially become romantic and eventually a lover?


Sure can, but you better be sure its what you want as most of the times it ends badly and you loose a friend, and for what? a ****? Nah, I'd rather have a friend.
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Old 06-20-12, 08:48 AM   #11
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Women used to always tell me, "Let's just be friends." and "Put down that lighter, you are causing a scene!".

With that said, Tude is my best friend and lover. I depend on her daily to help treat my spirit. While I believe that no human being can save me from a broken spirit, I do understand and know I have been blessed by having Tude in my life as she does HELP mend and calm my spirit. I have a hard time explaining to her just how much her friendship and love means to me. I'm a dolt and she's absolutely wonderful.

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Old 06-20-12, 08:51 AM   #12
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no. if you are in the friend zone you are stuffed. for ever.
I'm inclined to agree...
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Old 06-20-12, 09:25 AM   #13
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Women used to always tell me, "Let's just be friends." and "Put down that lighter, you are causing a scene!".

With that said, Tude is my best friend and lover. I depend on her daily to help treat my spirit. While I believe that no human being can save me from a broken spirit, I do understand and know I have been blessed by having Tude in my life as she does HELP mend and calm my spirit. I have a hard time explaining to her just how much her friendship and love means to me. I'm a dolt and she's absolutely wonderful.

Couch
you guys are lucky to have each other. =0)
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Old 06-20-12, 12:59 PM   #14
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Old 06-24-12, 04:34 PM   #15
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Hmm...

I have lots of male friends. And they are just friends. If they secretly want to screw me, I don't know about it. Their actions don't lead me to believe this, though.

I have men that I started off being friends with, sometimes for years, then wound up being in a relationship with(again, for years), then we went back to being friends. Come to think of it, I am friends with all most all of my exes.

And then there were a couple of guys that I fell for practically instantly and like a ton of bricks...and it was mutual, so we bypassed any friend stage that might have occurred and went straight to being lovers. Those relationships tend to be hot and heavy for X time then burn themselves out. Then I stay friends with those men too.

I guess the men that are important in my life, for whatever purpose/time period, I tend to stay friends with. I don't see this as a bad thing. Never hurts to have a spare man around.
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Old 06-24-12, 04:45 PM   #16
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Hmm...
Never hurts to have a spare man around.
Like inner tubes you never know when they'll go flat and you need a roadside change.

There's something quite Mae West-ian about that.
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Old 06-24-12, 04:47 PM   #17
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I have as many female friends as I do male friends... and they have only been and will only be friends.
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Old 06-24-12, 04:50 PM   #18
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Like inner tubes you never know when they'll go flat and you need a roadside change.

There's something quite Mae West-ian about that.
LMAO! Um yeah...I am kinda like that...*still laughing*
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Old 06-25-12, 07:47 AM   #19
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Old 06-25-12, 07:55 AM   #20
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Hmm...

I have lots of male friends. And they are just friends. If they secretly want to screw me, I don't know about it. Their actions don't lead me to believe this, though.

I have men that I started off being friends with, sometimes for years, then wound up being in a relationship with(again, for years), then we went back to being friends. Come to think of it, I am friends with all most all of my exes.

And then there were a couple of guys that I fell for practically instantly and like a ton of bricks...and it was mutual, so we bypassed any friend stage that might have occurred and went straight to being lovers. Those relationships tend to be hot and heavy for X time then burn themselves out. Then I stay friends with those men too.

I guess the men that are important in my life, for whatever purpose/time period, I tend to stay friends with. I don't see this as a bad thing. Never hurts to have a spare man around.
They probably do, but value your friendship more. That's actually a compliment of major level, too, from them, BTW.
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Old 06-25-12, 09:37 AM   #21
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They probably do, but value your friendship more. That's actually a compliment of major level, too, from them, BTW.
Well, I never really thought about it from that angle. I'll concede that it may be a possibility. I don't know if it's really that they value my friendship that much, or if they are simply too intimidated/insecure/whatever to attempt to make a pass at me.

Usually when one of my friends becomes something more, it's when we've been thrown together in some unusual circumstances, and the chemistry suddenly changed. Example: a group road trip where absolutely everything went wrong, and we found out that we worked really well together as problem solvers.

BTW TOM--Boiler up!
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Old 06-25-12, 09:43 AM   #22
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My bf is my very best guy friend, and I think the friend zone doesn't always mean 'the friend zone' it all depends on why they were put there in the first place.
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Old 06-25-12, 09:51 AM   #23
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I have a friend that I met in high school and she is strikingly beautiful and a wonderful person... I was initially gobsmacked when I met her (the dial goes up to 11) and because we had mutual friends we spent time together and found that she was a really wonderful person and we have remained the closest of friends for 3 decades. Friendship offered a great deal of intimacy and I had girlfriends who gave me ultimatums about it being them or her and really... they should have known that I would never give up on my best friend because of a dame.



We joked that if we were not happily married or by the time we were thirty five we would run off together and ruin each other's lives.

One night we were kicking back and sharing a jar of peanut butter and she was curled up against my shoulder and told me that there was something she had to tell me... a secret that she had been keeping for years...

She said that for several years of our friendship and during many periods of our friendship all she wanted to do was jump my bones... but that our friendship was more important because great friends are a rare thing.

I told her that she should have told me this 10 years ago.

Then we laughed and laughed and continued to cuddle up with that jar of peanut butter and agreed that if we were not happily married when we were 65 we'd run off together.
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Old 06-25-12, 10:06 AM   #24
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I have a friend that I met in high school and she is strikingly beautiful and a wonderful person... I was initially gobsmacked when I met her (the dial goes up to 11) and because we had mutual friends we spent time together and found that she was a really wonderful person and we have remained the closest of friends for 3 decades. Friendship offered a great deal of intimacy and I had girlfriends who gave me ultimatums about it being them or her and really... they should have known that I would never give up on my best friend because of a dame.



We joked that if we were not happily married or by the time we were thirty five we would run off together and ruin each other's lives.

One night we were kicking back and sharing a jar of peanut butter and she was curled up against my shoulder and told me that there was something she had to tell me... a secret that she had been keeping for years...

She said that for several years of our friendship and during many periods of our friendship all she wanted to do was jump my bones... but that our friendship was more important because great friends are a rare thing.

I told her that she should have told me this 10 years ago.

Then we laughed and laughed and continued to cuddle up with that jar of peanut butter and agreed that if we were not happily married when we were 65 we'd run off together.

That is a really great experience to have a life-long friend, and good for you for not bowing to controlling behaviors from your ex-gfs.


But ... do you think you might have missed some hints when she had the secret crush for you?
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Old 06-25-12, 10:17 AM   #25
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I haven't read the whole thread but I think there's always a "friend" that serves as "boy toy" in times of need... yet in the "friend zone" of "will never marry you". But, is it bad to be *that* friend?
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