I would do anything for this girl, I loved her, she made me a better person (more mature, better manners, more drive) I treated her like a princess
(I wouldn't have if she didn't appreciate it, and she showed it with a warm genuine smile that made me melt inside)
and what I thought was an unconditional love, is really being tested. She's the smartest woman I know, most respectable, UC Grad, motivated, and beautiful. (she's 9 years older than me, I'm 25, she's 34, and she holds her own against girls my age. She was miss teen america when she was 16, and has only gotten more attractive since)
My heart has sunk to my stomach, my hands are clammy, and I don't even know how to describe the way I'm feeling.
If she wants to run off with this guy and start a family, fine see ya later, good luck. (he's 38, has 3 kids, never married, but still lives with the baby momma)
If she wants to get an abortion, and give our relationship a 100%, I will be there
I can't be in this limbo, her being around with another guy is heart wrenching. Her having someone else's kid makes me feel like a chump and hurts my ego. It was hard when we first started dating when she explained that she was previously married to a portfolio manager, managing 100M in assets. Usually the firm charges 1-1.25% of that, and the manager gets .25-.40%. Of course a past marriage is a huge part of someone's life, I cringed hearing about those type of things, as time went on I realized she was never impressed by outward symbols of status, only someone who loved her for who she was.
Even though she became pregnant before we really started seeing each other, I know she saw him twice when we were seeing each other, even though it was strictly sexual. The first time it was when we were in limbo of being exclusive, and I think this was her way of testing how much I cared, then the second time I distanced myself.
She wanted to start a family, and move to London. I had planned to get a master's degree there to get a Visa (otherwise it's pretty hard to gain citizenship) , begin some sort of part time job and get my visa extended every 2 years. I'm a Swing trader/Day trader and can really work from anywhere. She can work at Morgan Stanley or Barclays (as she's worked there previously and left on great terms) to gain her citizenship. And I was ready for it all, I even put in my 30 day notice at my apartment, and I've started listing a lot of my possessions on ebay.
Normally I go on a nice long ride when I've got a lot on my mind, but I got hit by a car last week and dislocated my shoulder, and my bike is destroyed.
Sorry for the long post, I didn't know where else to turn at 3am