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Old 10-06-12, 07:20 AM   #1
Wait For Me
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I have had it with the "if the wife lets me" posts!

Come on guys, if your wife is in charge of your every dime, keep it to yourself. If you can't spend $50 bucks on a set of bars or a stem without your wife "letting you" have some pride and don't announce it to the world! Now I'm not talking to the couples that make decisions together, that's fine, but to publicly admit you can't buy bar tape without someone's permission come on. If your spouse (wife or husband) is in total control of ALL of the money you need a new spouse.

Just had to get that off my chest.
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Old 10-06-12, 07:23 AM   #2
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Unfortunately, most men are weak when it comes to women and sex. It's a not-so-brave new world.
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Old 10-06-12, 08:27 AM   #3
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Does your Mom know you're on the Internet.
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Old 10-06-12, 08:34 AM   #4
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Does your Mom know you're on the Internet.
The implied young-age insult is cliche. Try something original.
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Old 10-06-12, 08:37 AM   #5
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The implied young-age insult is cliche. Try something original.
More of a middle aged guy still living at home insult
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Old 10-06-12, 08:41 AM   #6
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My wife spends a s#@T load of money on pets and feeding the birds and critters around the house, not to mention stray cats she might come across. I pretty much buy what I want or need within reason, we both run it by the other if it's over a couple hundred bucks. We have separate bank accounts and are each responsible for certain monthly bills so the usual response to the others request is "I don't care, as long as you can pay for it."
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Old 10-06-12, 08:51 AM   #7
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To put this into perspective ... sometimes there's a reason that one spouse controls spending in a household. More often than not it's because one person is a spender, without considering safety nets and long term planning. The other spouse is likely the more financially responsible person in the relationship. I agree that it's frustrating to hear people say they need permission to buy small items, mainly because it implies there's an inbalance/weakness in a relationship. My point is, instead of suggesting the controlling spouse is the problem (sometimes it may be), it's more likely a problem/weakness with the person having to ask permission. If you're suggesting they find another partner, this would be the wrong advice. They need to work on themselves first, proving to their spouse they don't need to be baby-sat.
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Old 10-06-12, 08:55 AM   #8
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To put this into perspective ... sometimes there's a reason that one spouse controls spending in a household. More often than not it's because one person is a spender, without considering safety nets and long term planning. The other spouse is likely the more financially responsible person in the relationship. I agree that it's frustrating to hear people say they need permission to buy small items, mainly because it implies there's an inbalance/weakness in a relationship. My point is, instead of suggesting the controlling spouse is the problem (sometimes it may be), it's more likely a problem/weakness with the person having to ask permission. If you're suggesting they find another partner, this would be the wrong advice. They need to work on themselves first, proving to their spouse they don't need to be baby-sat.
Good post.
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Old 10-06-12, 11:05 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Wait For Me View Post
Come on guys, if your wife is in charge of your every dime, keep it to yourself. If you can't spend $50 bucks on a set of bars or a stem without your wife "letting you" have some pride and don't announce it to the world! Now I'm not talking to the couples that make decisions together, that's fine, but to publicly admit you can't buy bar tape without someone's permission come on. If your spouse (wife or husband) is in total control of ALL of the money you need a new spouse.

Just had to get that off my chest.
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Old 10-06-12, 11:08 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Wait For Me View Post
Come on guys, if your wife is in charge of your every dime, keep it to yourself. If you can't spend $50 bucks on a set of bars or a stem without your wife "letting you" have some pride and don't announce it to the world! Now I'm not talking to the couples that make decisions together, that's fine, but to publicly admit you can't buy bar tape without someone's permission come on. If your spouse (wife or husband) is in total control of ALL of the money you need a new spouse.

Just had to get that off my chest.
So it's okay for you to rant about them, but not for them to blow off a little steam? Mind if I ask if you've ever been married or close to it?
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Old 10-06-12, 12:36 PM   #11
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I would post but gotta check with the wife first.
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Old 10-06-12, 12:37 PM   #12
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Can we ask permission to OP's wife?
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Old 10-06-12, 12:46 PM   #13
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I wish I had a wife to tell me when I was about to spend money on something stupid. Or better yet, one to tell me when I was about to do something stupid in general.
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Old 10-06-12, 12:51 PM   #14
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buy what I want or need within reason, we both run it by the other if it's over a couple hundred bucks.
This. It's called communication. Not that you have to announce the "OK" to the world, but it's not necessarily "permission" as much as a deliberate budgeting (and sales!) process. And sometimes in that sales process, you realize how silly you sound!

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We have separate bank accounts and are each responsible for certain monthly bills so the usual response to the others request is "I don't care, as long as you can pay for it."
Not this. I don't get this in a marriage. If you don't combine finances, it's sort of like roommates with government permission to have sex. If you're going to separate money, why not put it all into a central pot, then each gets an "allowance" that can go into a separate account to do with what you want? Pay combined bills - because there are no separate bills in a marriage - out of the household account, make savings contributions to retirement accounts and a joint savings account. Have your mad money out of your "allowance". If you need more, you have to communicate with your spouse about how to spend/manage money, which is really how it should be.

If I make more and can buy toys, but my spouse has a lower paying job and can't get the toys she wants without having to "beg" for money from you, how is that a partnership? How can that not generate resentment, jealousy and put a wedge in things in the long run? And if fortunes turn, and the high earner becomes the lower earner and the now high earner is in the power position and has felt slighted in the past... what then?

What if one is a stay at home parent? Does that person have to ask permission to buy things because they have no income at all to put in "their" account to pay bills, groceries or whatnot?

If you're married, you ought to be married financially, too. But maybe I'm in the minority on that.

Last edited by skiahh; 10-06-12 at 01:03 PM.
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Old 10-06-12, 12:54 PM   #15
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My wife and I have a budget we both stick to.

If either of us wants to go outside the budget, it has to be cleared with the other one. Is that such a big deal?
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Old 10-06-12, 12:55 PM   #16
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We combine funds and then we get an (equal) allowance (not standardized to W2 income), so joint expenses come out of the combined funds. There can be haggling over whether something is a joint expense. But anything we want can come out of the allowance if we have it or save it. Our saved allowance available for spending does not correspond to our paystubs for sure.

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Old 10-06-12, 01:01 PM   #17
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So it's okay for you to rant about them, but not for them to blow off a little steam? Mind if I ask if you've ever been married or close to it?
Yes it is, posted in Foo because my post belongs on Foo because it is Foo, Lol. And yes again, I have been married for many years to the same wonderful woman.
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Old 10-06-12, 01:37 PM   #18
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Wait For Me I don't have much issue with the posters talking about getting clearance financially for some of the reasons cited by other posters (like having a healthy relationship). I roll my eyes is when they post that wifey won't let them commute to work yet, or ride a certain location, etc.
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Old 10-06-12, 01:59 PM   #19
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We have separate bank accounts and are each responsible for certain monthly bills so the usual response to the others request is "I don't care, as long as you can pay for it."

It's not MY money or HER money it's OUR money. In the end it's all one account, we go over the total income and bills each month and make sure everything is covered and any extra goes into savings. I have no desire to have total control of all the money and finances and neither does she. She works, I work and over the years we have always tried to split up all the different duties that come up so that one person is not over whelmed or feels any kind of resentment. It's a system that we have used with great success over the past 27 years.
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Old 10-06-12, 02:10 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by eyeomegasquared View Post
Unfortunately, most men are weak when it comes to women and sex. It's a not-so-brave new world.
A real man wouldn't be trolling BF for the ultimate he man-question Swiss Army v. Leatherman. Then berate same for being gentlemen about their SO's. What a tool. Brave New World Indeed.
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Old 10-06-12, 02:19 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Wait For Me View Post
Come on guys, if your wife is in charge of your every dime, keep it to yourself. If you can't spend $50 bucks on a set of bars or a stem without your wife "letting you" have some pride and don't announce it to the world! Now I'm not talking to the couples that make decisions together, that's fine, but to publicly admit you can't buy bar tape without someone's permission come on. If your spouse (wife or husband) is in total control of ALL of the money you need a new spouse.

Just had to get that off my chest.
Bite me.
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Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."
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Old 10-06-12, 03:21 PM   #22
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A real man wouldn't be trolling BF for the ultimate he man-question Swiss Army v. Leatherman. Then berate same for being gentlemen about their SO's. What a tool. Brave New World Indeed.

SAK vs Leatherman is just a fun thread. It's Foo. Calm down.

To expand on what I said, a lot of men today do not act out of love in marriage, but rather out of fear. There's a difference. If you're a man and you're obeying your wife because you're afraid of her reaction, then you're being selfish and weak.

But let me ask, to anyone that finds offense to the above statement. If what I said above doesn't fit you, if you're doing what you do in your own marriage out of love and not fear, then why lash out at me? We shouldn't have any disagreement.
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Old 10-06-12, 03:29 PM   #23
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uzy controlz
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Old 10-06-12, 03:32 PM   #24
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OP didn't got some and came here to troll other men into not getting any either. *DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO OP* Keep your wife happy and sleep warm unless you wanna join OP in the couch.
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Old 10-06-12, 03:58 PM   #25
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Wow, I see there are some VERY defensive husbands responding to a post that was not directed at any one in particular. Must have hit a nerve?
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