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  1. #1
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    I need a quick lesson on how to swim.

    Foo, it looks like I'm going to have to learn to swim real quick like. This storm is really causing some havoc here in the Socialist State of Pennsylvania. I had a chance to learn how to swim and had money set aside for as a kid for it but, I bought some tacos and bottle rockets instead. Talk about buyer's remorse!

    With that said, I need some quick instruction on how to swim. Please, save Couchie!

    Couch

  2. #2
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
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    Bribe Inge to give you dog paddling lessons.

    Inflate all of your spare bike tubes and put them around your waist as a flotation device.

    Seriously, I hope you stay safe.
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    So Tom only hires people that are nutty? Is part of the requirement to be a moderator on this site is that you have to be nuts??
    Forum Guidelines *click here*

  3. #3
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    It is like peeing in the shower, only deeper.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  4. #4
    Senior Member himespau's Avatar
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    They didn't make you learn the trick to turn your blue jeans into an inflation device in gym class in case you fell in a river? That's a bummer.
    Punctuation is important. It's the difference between "I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse" and "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse"


  5. #5
    Senior Member no motor?'s Avatar
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    It's life raft time for you.

  6. #6
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by himespau View Post
    They didn't make you learn the trick to turn your blue jeans into an inflation device in gym class in case you fell in a river? That's a bummer.
    Couch seldom wears pants and when he does, they spontaneously remove themselves at random intervals.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  7. #7
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    skip the swimming lessons.
    Get a raft, a wetsuit, and a full scuba tank. Maybe a transponder too...so someone can locate you when its over.

  8. #8
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Get a boat, paddle west.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX, 2011 Windsor Shetland
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  9. #9
    on by skijor's Avatar
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    Put your lips together and blow.

  10. #10
    location:northern Ohio
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    Put those lunchtime tacos to work El Coucho.
    Tie off your pant cuffs with rubberbands,your shorts will have so much gas you'll float across Lake Erie.The Canucks will rescue you and have a parade down Young street.YaY!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  11. #11
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Go to REI and get a kayak or canoe and then return them after things dry up. Or just find a stripper with big (fake) tata's to snuggle up with.

  12. #12
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Float over to Spry's house, he is certain to let you stay for a while.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX, 2011 Windsor Shetland
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011)
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  13. #13
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    Should I take off my pants whilst swimming?

    And where the hell is Mango's opinion? I was hoping for a candid bikini shot.

    Couch

  14. #14
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
    Bribe Inge to give you dog paddling lessons.

    Inflate all of your spare bike tubes and put them around your waist as a flotation device.

    Seriously, I hope you stay safe.

    this
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  15. #15
    Senior Member eja_ bottecchia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Couch View Post
    Foo, it looks like I'm going to have to learn to swim real quick like. This storm is really causing some havoc here in the Socialist State of Pennsylvania. I had a chance to learn how to swim and had money set aside for as a kid for it but, I bought some tacos and bottle rockets instead. Talk about buyer's remorse!

    With that said, I need some quick instruction on how to swim. Please, save Couchie!

    Couch
    Learning how to stay afloat is lesson #1...the rest is easy.
    My current stable:

    1989 SLX Bottecchia (Campy Athena 11s)
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    2012 Bianchi Infinito (Campy Record 11s)
    2012 Colnago C59 in PR99 color scheme (Campy Record 11s)

  16. #16
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    Just get your priorities straight.


  17. #17
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    How come I have moobs now?
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  18. #18
    Look! My Spine! RubenX's Avatar
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    Just put one hand over Inge and you'll be fine. Make sure ppl take video and sell the rights to some animal-luvin' tree-huggin' news channel.
    "Hoy es un dia normal, pero yo voy a hacerlo intenso" ~ Juanes

  19. #19
    AEO
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    Senior Member AEO's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    How come I have moobs now?
    I think you are just bloated from all the water you've absorbed.

    Are you sure you don't have squarepants?
    Food for thought: if you aren't dead by 2050, you and your entire family will be within a few years from starvation. Now that is a cruel gift to leave for your offspring. ;)
    http://sanfrancisco.ibtimes.com/arti...ger-photos.htm

  20. #20
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    Update


  21. #21
    Senior Member Notso_fastLane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by no1mad View Post
    Go to REI and get a kayak or canoe and then return them after things dry up. Or just find a stripper with big (fake) tata's to snuggle up with.
    Fake don't work. They are made of saline, which is heavier than water. This is yet another case where real is better....much better.

    BTW, I used to be a lifeguard and swim instructor. My favorite was the 'swimming for the terrified' class I used to teach. Adult swim class for people afraid of water and just learning how to swim.

    It was easier to teach 6 year olds, they are less afraid....

  22. #22
    Senior Member no motor?'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    How come I have moobs now?
    You haven't been working your arms like Couch has.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbenaugust View Post
    Float over to Spry's house, he is certain to let you stay for a while.
    Yup,still above water here but the lake is pissed.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  24. #24
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Notso_fastLane View Post
    Fake don't work. They are made of saline, which is heavier than water. This is yet another case where real is better....much better.

    BTW, I used to be a lifeguard and swim instructor. My favorite was the 'swimming for the terrified' class I used to teach. Adult swim class for people afraid of water and just learning how to swim.

    It was easier to teach 6 year olds, they are less afraid....
    I can't swim and I don't really float. However, I'm convinced that my wife has otter DNA in her somewhere- she's been known to safely nap while floating on her back.

    And not that many 6 yr olds have not seen 'Jaws', 'Deep Blue Sea', or 'Open Water'...
    Last edited by no1mad; 10-29-12 at 02:34 PM.

  25. #25
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spry View Post
    Yup,still above water here but the lake is pissed.
    Prolly due to the Tigers being swept?

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