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Old 10-29-12, 09:29 AM   #1
Couch
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I need a quick lesson on how to swim.

Foo, it looks like I'm going to have to learn to swim real quick like. This storm is really causing some havoc here in the Socialist State of Pennsylvania. I had a chance to learn how to swim and had money set aside for as a kid for it but, I bought some tacos and bottle rockets instead. Talk about buyer's remorse!

With that said, I need some quick instruction on how to swim. Please, save Couchie!

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Old 10-29-12, 09:34 AM   #2
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Bribe Inge to give you dog paddling lessons.

Inflate all of your spare bike tubes and put them around your waist as a flotation device.

Seriously, I hope you stay safe.
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Old 10-29-12, 09:45 AM   #3
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It is like peeing in the shower, only deeper.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 10-29-12, 09:45 AM   #4
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They didn't make you learn the trick to turn your blue jeans into an inflation device in gym class in case you fell in a river? That's a bummer.
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Old 10-29-12, 09:50 AM   #5
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It's life raft time for you.
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Old 10-29-12, 10:18 AM   #6
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They didn't make you learn the trick to turn your blue jeans into an inflation device in gym class in case you fell in a river? That's a bummer.
Couch seldom wears pants and when he does, they spontaneously remove themselves at random intervals.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 10-29-12, 10:19 AM   #7
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skip the swimming lessons.
Get a raft, a wetsuit, and a full scuba tank. Maybe a transponder too...so someone can locate you when its over.
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Old 10-29-12, 10:32 AM   #8
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Get a boat, paddle west.
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Old 10-29-12, 11:12 AM   #9
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Put your lips together and blow.
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Old 10-29-12, 12:20 PM   #10
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Put those lunchtime tacos to work El Coucho.
Tie off your pant cuffs with rubberbands,your shorts will have so much gas you'll float across Lake Erie.The Canucks will rescue you and have a parade down Young street.YaY!
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Old 10-29-12, 12:30 PM   #11
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Go to REI and get a kayak or canoe and then return them after things dry up. Or just find a stripper with big (fake) tata's to snuggle up with.
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Old 10-29-12, 12:32 PM   #12
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Float over to Spry's house, he is certain to let you stay for a while.
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Old 10-29-12, 12:59 PM   #13
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Should I take off my pants whilst swimming?

And where the hell is Mango's opinion? I was hoping for a candid bikini shot.

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Old 10-29-12, 01:07 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
Bribe Inge to give you dog paddling lessons.

Inflate all of your spare bike tubes and put them around your waist as a flotation device.

Seriously, I hope you stay safe.

this
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Old 10-29-12, 01:09 PM   #15
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Foo, it looks like I'm going to have to learn to swim real quick like. This storm is really causing some havoc here in the Socialist State of Pennsylvania. I had a chance to learn how to swim and had money set aside for as a kid for it but, I bought some tacos and bottle rockets instead. Talk about buyer's remorse!

With that said, I need some quick instruction on how to swim. Please, save Couchie!

Couch
Learning how to stay afloat is lesson #1...the rest is easy.
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Old 10-29-12, 01:24 PM   #16
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Just get your priorities straight.

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Old 10-29-12, 01:28 PM   #17
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How come I have moobs now?
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 10-29-12, 01:29 PM   #18
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Just put one hand over Inge and you'll be fine. Make sure ppl take video and sell the rights to some animal-luvin' tree-huggin' news channel.
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Old 10-29-12, 01:30 PM   #19
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How come I have moobs now?
I think you are just bloated from all the water you've absorbed.

Are you sure you don't have squarepants?
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Old 10-29-12, 01:35 PM   #20
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Update

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Old 10-29-12, 01:43 PM   #21
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Go to REI and get a kayak or canoe and then return them after things dry up. Or just find a stripper with big (fake) tata's to snuggle up with.
Fake don't work. They are made of saline, which is heavier than water. This is yet another case where real is better....much better.

BTW, I used to be a lifeguard and swim instructor. My favorite was the 'swimming for the terrified' class I used to teach. Adult swim class for people afraid of water and just learning how to swim.

It was easier to teach 6 year olds, they are less afraid....
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Old 10-29-12, 02:04 PM   #22
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How come I have moobs now?
You haven't been working your arms like Couch has.
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Old 10-29-12, 02:18 PM   #23
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Float over to Spry's house, he is certain to let you stay for a while.
Yup,still above water here but the lake is pissed.
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Old 10-29-12, 02:27 PM   #24
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Fake don't work. They are made of saline, which is heavier than water. This is yet another case where real is better....much better.

BTW, I used to be a lifeguard and swim instructor. My favorite was the 'swimming for the terrified' class I used to teach. Adult swim class for people afraid of water and just learning how to swim.

It was easier to teach 6 year olds, they are less afraid....
I can't swim and I don't really float. However, I'm convinced that my wife has otter DNA in her somewhere- she's been known to safely nap while floating on her back.

And not that many 6 yr olds have not seen 'Jaws', 'Deep Blue Sea', or 'Open Water'...

Last edited by no1mad; 10-29-12 at 02:34 PM.
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Old 10-29-12, 02:28 PM   #25
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Yup,still above water here but the lake is pissed.
Prolly due to the Tigers being swept?
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