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  1. #1
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Toddler Sabotage

    Apparently my 2-year-old son is trying to destroy the house and drive me crazy. First, there was reconfiguring my Firefox at the tender age of 8 months. Then there is all of the usual toddler running, climbing, pooping, and silliness. Now he's managed to somehow wiggle the phone line loose between the house (we live in a mobile home) and the old interface box. After almost a week of intermittent DSL service and an email exchange with the ISP, I found the culprit.

    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
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  2. #2
    on by skijor's Avatar
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    IT dept head at 2. First man on Mars at 30?

  3. #3
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skijor View Post
    IT dept head at 2. First man on Mars at 30?
    Does this mean I can stuff him in a rocket and send him off the next time he melts down?
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I openSUSE: III

  4. #4
    Senior Member Will G's Avatar
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    Just wait, it doesn't get better. They'll try to kill themselves by pulling large TVs down, drive the mower into the lake, and fail to negotiate the entrance into the garage and try to hide the damage to the car and garage with a can of white spray paint failing miserably. I wish you luck.
    Flying a jet is no different than riding a bicycle. It's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

  5. #5
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    3 is generally much worse than 2. Has he yet; run into the room and taken a dive onto the sleeping dog, decide to jump down the stairs from the top, put his rollerskates on in the house then jumped down the front steps, climbed onto the roof for a better view, run full speed while looking behind him into a metal pole, gotten his finger stuck in something, put a raisinette up his nose, pooped his pants and put them in the back of his closet. I could go on and on.
    But the worst is when they drive away alone for the first time.
    If you don't know the way, you shouldn't be going there.

  6. #6
    on by skijor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbenaugust View Post
    Does this mean I can stuff him in a rocket and send him off the next time he melts down?
    You could do that. Or just convert to Amish. See the Amish forum mod.

  7. #7
    Senior Member ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbenaugust View Post
    Does this mean I can stuff him in a rocket and send him off the next time he melts down?
    Duct Tape.....
    or Velcro suit and wall.
    1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold

  8. #8
    Animated Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    The nut doesn't fall far from the tree.
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    If I gotta look up words, it's not worth my time.

  9. #9
    Cool Beans MangoPumpkin's Avatar
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    Let's see, youngest ate a whole plastic baggie of minced onions that were in the frig while I was napping (he was supposed to be too), I got a nice noseful of his breath when he woke me up.

    He put his brothers eye medicine in his eye and by put, I mean half the tube was globbed all over both eyes.

    The older one unscrewed the salt shaker and dumped the entire container in his mouth, started screaming, I ran to him and bent down to which he promptly threw up in my hands and lap.

    The boys had a chance to go on the 50 yard line and throw the ball during the Football Hall of Fame game, the night before they were wrestling on their bunkbeds, one fell over hit his head, had to get stitches & had a black eye. Needless to say, we didn't go to the game.


    And so forth.......etc. Your kid is normal.
    I've got your restraining order right here. [grabs crotch] Restrain this!

  10. #10
    Generated Member trsidn's Avatar
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    It's so much more fun to see these things happen to other people....
    Quote Originally Posted by Mariah View Post
    Transcendental enumeration.

  11. #11
    Senior Member eja_ bottecchia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Will G View Post
    Just wait, it doesn't get better. They'll try to kill themselves by pulling large TVs down, drive the mower into the lake, and fail to negotiate the entrance into the garage and try to hide the damage to the car and garage with a can of white spray paint failing miserably. I wish you luck.
    Pfffft! That's nothing, wait 'till he is a teenager...then you will know real pain.
    My current stable:

    1989 SLX Bottecchia (Campy Athena 11s)
    1999 Cannondale F400 mountain bike
    2012 Bianchi Infinito (Campy Record 11s)
    2012 Colnago C59 in PR99 color scheme (Campy Record 11s)

  12. #12
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    I have a 4yo and a 2yo. The OP hasn't seen anything yet.

    Or you can do what my friend does and park her kid in front of the TV since birth. She "brags" that she can leave her 4yo unattended for a long time and he won't get into any trouble whatsoever. What she hasn't realized is that she is actually raising a [choose your adjective/noun] and she is totally misguided.

  13. #13
    Senior Member himespau's Avatar
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    I'm just glad mine hasn't figured out how to take off her diaper on her own yet. My wife is trying to teach her as she thinks that's an important part of potty training and I just think to myself, "Why?" If she tells us she needs to use the potty, I can take her and get her clothes off, and the last thing I want is to find out she's taken her clothes off on her own and decided to poop in a corner somewhere and not tell us (and I can totally see her doing that.
    Punctuation is important. It's the difference between "I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse" and "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse"


  14. #14
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Mine are 12 and 9 now. Before they came along, I was introduced to my wife's first three offspring. The youngest of that bunch is the one I refer to as 'The Troubled One'... one time she disappeared, only to come rounding the corner in somebody's battery operated toy Jeep- with two older boys as escorts. Then there was the time she got into the bathroom unnoticed. I walked in to find her sitting on the floor, holding a toothbrush, tube of toothpaste on one side, and a tube of Vagisil on the other

    And hide all tools and/or bikes ASAP. My son was in a 'Bob the Builder' phase for a time- I found him 'fixing' my bike by beating on the rear deraileur with a screwdriver and hammer...

  15. #15
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by no1mad View Post
    And hide all tools and/or bikes ASAP. My son was in a 'Bob the Builder' phase for a time- I found him 'fixing' my bike by beating on the rear deraileur with a screwdriver and hammer...
    My entire life is either locked in my closet, hidden in the computer armoire, locked in the storage shed, or at my office.

    Thankfully, we have no stairs inside to fall down and no TVs in the house to bring down.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I openSUSE: III

  16. #16
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbenaugust View Post
    My entire life is either locked in my closet, hidden in the computer armoire, locked in the storage shed, or at my office.

    Thankfully, we have no stairs inside to fall down and no TVs in the house to bring down.
    Don't hold much stock in that. The house I'm in now has 'lockable' door handles on 2 out of 3 bedrooms and the bathroom. The kids discovered early on that the locks could be easily defeated using just about any object with a flat blade. The current tool of choice is the plug for an electric blanket.

  17. #17
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by no1mad View Post
    Don't hold much stock in that. The house I'm in now has 'lockable' door handles on 2 out of 3 bedrooms and the bathroom. The kids discovered early on that the locks could be easily defeated using just about any object with a flat blade. The current tool of choice is the plug for an electric blanket.
    He can't actually physically reach the lock... it's about 5.5' off the ground. Same deal with the pantry and the fridge. I never planned to lock up the fridge, but one day Mrs. A was putting the baby to nap and the toddler got into the freezer and ate some ice cream before she got back to him. He got sufficiently high that the day was ruined.

    He also doesn't have the keys to the shed. I think I'm pretty safe with those two. If he busts into the comp. armoire and destroys my $50 Stanford Surplus Sales Dell, big deal.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I openSUSE: III

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by himespau View Post
    I'm just glad mine hasn't figured out how to take off her diaper on her own yet. My wife is trying to teach her as she thinks that's an important part of potty training
    Ya, I am with you on this. Don't teach any child to remove their own diaper. We potty trained our kid just fine without this technique, and avoided all accidents, too.

  19. #19
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    With one child your problems are simpler as you always know who did it.



    In reading I realize how blessed I am to have two daughters who have never caused me a moment of grief... I also raised two stepsons who were a little more curious about how things worked.

    Like the contact lens disposal system in the bathroom.

  20. #20
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    We have two, but she's too young to destroy... yet. Her temperament is also so far removed from his that it may not be an issue. But as always, we'll see.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
    2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross Uno, 2009 Motobecane Fantom CX
    Previously: 2000 Trek 4500 (2000-2003), 2003 Novara Randonee (2003-2006), 2003 Giant Rainier (2003-2008), 2005 Xootr Swift (2005-2007), 2007 Nashbar 1x9 (2007-2011), 2011 Windsor Shetland (2011-2014)
    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I openSUSE: III

  21. #21
    Senior Member himespau's Avatar
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    For a long time ours was a sweet little thing. Sometime around 20-21 months she's suddenly started throwing tantrums and being willfully destructive. Don't know where it came from, but I can totally see why they call it the terrible twos.
    Punctuation is important. It's the difference between "I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse" and "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse"


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