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  1. #1
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    Help Me Understand How These People Think...

    Instead of letting myself get really upset with these "types" of people, help me understand them. Or maybe there is no hope and I just have to call them "selfish bully" and leave it at that...

    So, I was trying to back out of a parking spot at a convenience store the other day, but I was blocked in by a dude who was sitting in his pick-up truck parked illegally in the fire lane at the front door instead of a parking space while waiting for his wife to come out.

    He didn't give a crap that I couldn't get out, so I started honking...instead of moving, he starts yelling at me and swearing. I could read his lips through the glass, and he said things like, "Okay, fine, I'll [bleeping] move you [bleeping-bleeper]. So, he backs up extremely slowly, giving me the absolute bare-minimum space possible to get out, trying to stare me down and act all intimidating.

    I would have just simply driven off, but because he was trying to be all alpha-male, instead of letting him think that he intimidated me, I yelled back, "Use a parking spot! All five of these spots next to me are as close to the door as you are now!" I didn't swear, and I only raised my voice so that he could hear me through the glass.

    After I left, he moved back up to where he was, blocking in two more people, without a care in the world.

    10 minutes later, I see him walk into the same church event that my wife and I were attending! He didn't make the connection, though, as I was wearing sunglasses, a hat, and coat in the parking lot, but none of those things at the event, and he didn't seem or act like an observant person in the first place. I observed him, and he just seemed like a rich, grumpy bully, which answers my question, I guess, and his wife was exactly the same.

    I know the rational course of action is to ignore the bully because any reaction only gives them their power, but at the same time I feel that if no one ever reacts or stands up to them, then they think they are on top of the world and gain power from that, anyway, making them do other bully-like things more easily in the future.

    On a bicycle, it's different: I confront people all the time, and basically 100% of the time people back down, apologize, etc, but in the "anonymous metal death machine" it's different. Though it was hard at the church event to not go up to him and simply say, "I just want to get an understanding of how you think."

    It does help me understand, though, that my father in law is like this guy, in a way. He isn't a bully, but he is so selfish that he will park in the fire lane at Target to take a phone call, blocking so many cars that they back up onto the main road, then when people honk, he will get all confused and wonder why the whole world hates him. But he is just the most selfish person I have ever met, and an emotionally abusive control freak with his family, as well. I have asked my father in law why he does the things he does like that, and he just stares at me like my face is green. Maybe the parking lot guy is the same way.

    So, how do I not let these "types" bother me while not worrying about them getting more power from my non-reaction in the future?

  2. #2
    Caustic Soccer Mom apclassic9's Avatar
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    Perhaps you ought to approach your minister with this - sounds like an excellent sermon illustrating how "christians" CAN take the ideals of christian behavior out the church door with them. That being said, I do not adhere to any organized religion, but happen to live in a county with 8700 people, 150 churches, and 1 tavern... After living here for 23 years, I can honestly say that the folks who would best reflect the ethics, charity, and morality of a supposedly religious person are NOT the ones who attend church.
    As with mud, life, too, slides by.

  3. #3
    Crispy Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    I see him walk into the same church event
    he just seemed like a rich, grumpy bully...and his wife was exactly the same.
    Smug and entitled is all. Clearly a cut above the rest of us. You should be grateful he is saved and prosperous. He deserves it.

    Shut up and smile.

  4. #4
    genec genec's Avatar
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    Selfish people just full of themselves... no one else matters in their universe.

  5. #5
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    I know this kind of people i saw my best friend going down this path whatever i told him. Bad behavior reinforcement comes from the fact that it works and reward is higher than punishment.

  6. #6
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Self empowerment can be taken to far. Many hold themselves in high regard and are blind to their own transgressions. Since you mentioned church I will give you scripture that you probably already know that is applicable. Why do you notice the speck in your brother's eye but fail to see the log in your own. Matthew 7:3. Also read 1 Peter 5:5. You understanding the concept is not the problem here but how to show that to another is. Rebuking the proud and haughty is hard and you have to be careful that they do not cause you to fall as well. Galatians 6:1.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  7. #7
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Go let the air out of his tires.

  8. #8
    Senior member Dan Burkhart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    Go let the air out of his tires.
    Yeah. By cutting the stems.
    Gearhubs demystified and other cool stuff.


    Rule #12: The correct number of bikes to own is n+1

  9. #9
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    Maybe it's better to think the most difficult person we have to deal with is our self. I try to see my actions/thoughts as my witness to my faith.

    1 John 2:9-11 comes to my mind in situations like you describe. For both me and the other.
    Last edited by clemsongirl; 04-25-13 at 09:44 AM.

  10. #10
    Star of the Nursing Home seagullplayer's Avatar
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    Why do we all say we don't care what other people think/do, but then we lie.

    You and I are not judged on another persons actions, but we are judged on our reaction.
    Working to dispel the common myth that all grown men that ride a bicycle are just drunks that can’t afford a moped…

  11. #11
    Sheeeee-it! TheDavid's Avatar
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    Maybe they think like this...


  12. #12
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
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    You should have walked up to him and said "Hello! Didn't I just see you in the parking lot of the convenience store? I had no idea you were a fellow member of this church."
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    So Tom only hires people that are nutty? Is part of the requirement to be a moderator on this site is that you have to be nuts??
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  13. #13
    2 Fat 2 Furious contango's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
    You should have walked up to him and said "Hello! Didn't I just see you in the parking lot of the convenience store? I had no idea you were a fellow member of this church."
    If it was a Baptist church you extend the right knee of fellowship. Then you follow it up with the laying on of hands.
    "For a list of ways technology has failed to improve quality of life, press three"

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
    You should have walked up to him and said "Hello! Didn't I just see you in the parking lot of the convenience store? I had no idea you were a fellow member of this church. Your wasting your time being here, aren't you?"
    fxed it.
    If you don't know the way, you shouldn't be going there.

  15. #15
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Sadly, many Christians act the same way. They forgot when Jesus was here he hung out with prostitutes and lepers and the dregs of society, as well as the rulers of this earth and God himself. John 3:17 and Romans 3:23
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  16. #16
    Crispy Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    Not to get all P&R here, but my perception is a lot of people say "I'm a Christian" and not "I try to be Christian". I think true Christianity is very, very difficult for ordinary humans to achieve. I know for myself that is very true.

  17. #17
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    I struggle with being a Christian every single day of my life and I fail to be perfect every single day of my life. But, after 45 years I have finally begun to get a glimpse of what being a true follow of Christ looks like and I think that each day I get a bit closer. I think many are afraid to admit they struggle with sin and thus are trapped in an endless cycle of sin, anger, guilt, shame and they wear a mask to church so they can act like "Christians" around their Christian friends for a few hours on Sunday and then lead lives that are anything but the rest of the week.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  18. #18
    genec genec's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    I struggle with being a Christian every single day of my life and I fail to be perfect every single day of my life. But, after 45 years I have finally begun to get a glimpse of what being a true follow of Christ looks like and I think that each day I get a bit closer. I think many are afraid to admit they struggle with sin and thus are trapped in an endless cycle of sin, anger, guilt, shame and they wear a mask to church so they can act like "Christians" around their Christian friends for a few hours on Sunday and then lead lives that are anything but the rest of the week.
    Do you have to be a Christian to want to be nice to fellow humans and altruistic towards living things, and desire to do well and trust others?

  19. #19
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by genec View Post
    Do you have to be a Christian to want to be nice to fellow humans and altruistic towards living things, and desire to do well and trust others?
    No, not at all. I can only speak for what eventually worked for me and helped me to be a better person. Some of the nicest, most caring, compassionate people I know are not Christians.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  20. #20
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    I struggle with being a Christian every single day of my life and I fail to be perfect every single day of my life. But, after 45 years I have finally begun to get a glimpse of what being a true follow of Christ looks like and I think that each day I get a bit closer. I think many are afraid to admit they struggle with sin and thus are trapped in an endless cycle of sin, anger, guilt, shame and they wear a mask to church so they can act like "Christians" around their Christian friends for a few hours on Sunday and then lead lives that are anything but the rest of the week.
    Quote Originally Posted by genec View Post
    Do you have to be a Christian to want to be nice to fellow humans and altruistic towards living things, and desire to do well and trust others?
    umm....how do you even get to the point of asking that question from what he said?
    I may be being an ass here...but so be it. He sadi nothing about non-christians and their behavior, only how being a Christian helped him.

  21. #21
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    That sort of behavior is beyond infuriating to me. I can't explain it in any way but to call it sheer ignorance and like you said, selfishness. I usually try to combat people like that by letting them know they're ticking me off before it goes too far. In this situation I probably would have done the same as you, but the best thing probably would have been to go up to him and politely ask him to move as soon as he blocked you. For the people that there is hope for, simply acting polite towards them can be a humbling experience for them.

  22. #22
    2 Fat 2 Furious contango's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ahsposo View Post
    Not to get all P&R here, but my perception is a lot of people say "I'm a Christian" and not "I try to be Christian". I think true Christianity is very, very difficult for ordinary humans to achieve. I know for myself that is very true.
    Honestly I think it's meaningless to say "I try to be a Christian". When I say "I am a Christian" it means I follow Jesus Christ. It doesn't mean I'm perfect, although it's easy to forget that.

    Living the way Jesus taught isn't easy by any means, although it's always easy to tell someone else how they should live regardless of what belief or religion underlies the dispensed advice.

    (Hope this isn't over the line to push into P&R, would rather have the post deleted than the thread moved)
    "For a list of ways technology has failed to improve quality of life, press three"

  23. #23
    Crispy Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    I guess what what we are trying to talk about is how should one effectively deal with selfish buttonholes and not faith.

    I admire thinking people of faith and not those that use it as cover.

  24. #24
    genec genec's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    umm....how do you even get to the point of asking that question from what he said?
    I may be being an ass here...but so be it. He sadi nothing about non-christians and their behavior, only how being a Christian helped him.
    Does one need to be a Christian to also be as "good" as jsharr... that is my question.

    When one throws out words like "struggle with sin" and "endless cycle of sin and guilt," one has to wonder if a non Christian can also "try to be perfect" without the belief system that Christians adhere to.

    It is a simple question.

  25. #25
    2 Fat 2 Furious contango's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by genec View Post
    Does one need to be a Christian to also be as "good" as jsharr... that is my question.

    When one throws out words like "struggle with sin" and "endless cycle of sin and guilt," one has to wonder if a non Christian can also "try to be perfect" without the belief system that Christians adhere to.

    It is a simple question.
    Anyone can try to be perfect, the question is how they define "perfect". For me "perfect" might mean having a tendency to be grumpy in the morning before coffee, a bit of excess baggage around the waistline and a propensity to fart after eating curry. Against that yardstick I'm pretty much perfect.
    "For a list of ways technology has failed to improve quality of life, press three"

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