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View Poll Results: Do you go Number 2 at work?
Every Day 26 68.42%
Never 1 2.63%
ER Only 7 18.42%
I just go on the floor 4 10.53%
Voters: 38. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 11-17-13, 09:53 PM   #51
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You haven't lived until you've used a jobsite port-a-potty in 30 below.
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Old 11-17-13, 10:53 PM   #52
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If you gotta go, you'll go. People who feels disgusted about going in right after someone did a #2 need to grow up and understand it's natural.
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Old 11-17-13, 11:34 PM   #53
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I work a 12 hour shift. so yes, almost every day.

If I work an overtime shift, I go twice.

Why not get paid for it????
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Old 11-18-13, 06:29 AM   #54
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If you gotta go, you'll go. People who feels disgusted about going in right after someone did a #2 need to grow up and understand it's natural.
It's not about feeling disgusted about going right after someone else, it is feeling disgusted about the cleanliness of those who've been in there before you and the cleanliness of how they leave the area you are about to sit down at.
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Old 11-20-13, 04:11 PM   #55
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http://www.workpoop.com/

Try this handy online calculator and calculate your savings!
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Old 11-20-13, 04:22 PM   #56
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When I leave home for work, I return 7 or 8 days later, so you do the math on that.
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Old 11-20-13, 05:28 PM   #57
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I'll take a shatner at work if I have no other options. But, only a complete sociopath would plan on taking dumps at work.
Meh, I take a dump when I need to take a dump. If that means at work then so be it.

If I'm working for someone who is obsessive about timekeeping and have the choice between taking a dump at home and getting to work late, or getting to work on time only to take a dump moments after being clearly seen to be At Work then I'll go for the latter any day.
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Old 11-20-13, 05:58 PM   #58
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You haven't lived until you've used a jobsite port-a-potty in 30 below.
Just as long as the seats are not metal I'll chance it.

EDIT: Taking a dump at an oil rig with NO porta potty where the vibrations attract every snake within miles is no picnic either. Yea that includes 2 different poisonous species.
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Old 11-20-13, 07:04 PM   #59
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Every chance I get. I prefer the 50 grit they have at work. Exfoliate FTW!
That's Chuck Norris toilet paper. Rough and tough, and don't take crap off nobody.
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Old 11-20-13, 09:04 PM   #60
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Old 11-20-13, 09:09 PM   #61
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I do every day. In fact, it's pretty rare that I do No. 2 at home. I usually feel the urge around 9-10 in the morning, at which time I'm usually at work. I typically don't do it twice a day.
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Old 11-20-13, 09:24 PM   #62
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Same as at home.

Oh wait...I work at home.
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Old 11-20-13, 09:34 PM   #63
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You haven't lived until you've used a jobsite port-a-potty in 30 below.
Try out in the bush, -35, three feet of snow, on snowshoes, I'll tell you, you don't read the newspaper.
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Old 11-20-13, 10:08 PM   #64
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Try out in the bush, -35, three feet of snow, on snowshoes, I'll tell you, you don't read the newspaper.
And you did this last...when? I'm looking forward to an entire Winter of it. When business is due, business gets done.
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Old 11-21-13, 05:15 AM   #65
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That's Chuck Norris toilet paper. Rough and tough, and don't take crap off nobody.
Rough and tough toilet paper should take crap off anybody.
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Old 11-21-13, 07:33 AM   #66
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Rough and tough toilet paper should take crap off anybody.
Yeah, but I phrased it in the double negative, so you could, you know like, take it either way.
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Old 11-21-13, 09:25 AM   #67
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It's not about feeling disgusted about going right after someone else, it is feeling disgusted about the cleanliness of those who've been in there before you and the cleanliness of how they leave the area you are about to sit down at.
Twice when I've been in the men's room doing my business at work, a guy has come in, done his business, didn't flush, and didn't wash his hands. I'm just glad there's a housekeeping department that cleans the restrooms daily.

I've also walked into the men's room to discover that 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied, so I went up to the 3rd floor instead.
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Old 11-21-13, 11:00 PM   #68
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Sometimes I don't have a choice in the matter- when I have to go I have to go.

Now I work in an old building- on our floor there are 17 guys and a single potty. Sometimes I don't get to go when I need to. There seem to be a few people on the floor, who I haven't discovered yet, that will spend long times in there when they go. I end up going fast because I don't want to be "that guy".

My previous company was in a 15 story office building with one stall per floor. Sometimes I would have to go to the floor below or 2 floors below in order to find an empty stall.
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Old 11-22-13, 09:23 AM   #69
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Sometimes I don't have a choice in the matter- when I have to go I have to go.

Now I work in an old building- on our floor there are 17 guys and a single potty. Sometimes I don't get to go when I need to. There seem to be a few people on the floor, who I haven't discovered yet, that will spend long times in there when they go. I end up going fast because I don't want to be "that guy".

My previous company was in a 15 story office building with one stall per floor. Sometimes I would have to go to the floor below or 2 floors below in order to find an empty stall.
I work in a two story building... we have the entire top floor, but there are several different businesses downstairs and several open suites... so there are fewer people downstairs, and thus a few rarely used restrooms. And for some odd reason the toilets downstairs flush better... so that's where I go. I don't want to be the guy using the upstairs facilities and having to flush 15 times just to get the stuff to go down.
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Old 11-22-13, 09:28 AM   #70
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And you did this last...when? I'm looking forward to an entire Winter of it. When business is due, business gets done.
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Old 11-22-13, 09:55 AM   #71
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Messed up. I said never and should have said only in emergency situations. I go after my bowl of cheerios and right before the shower at home. Since I don't have a schedule and can have all the OT I want, I had the thought of getting into work earlier on the clock, getting equipment running, then going to do the duty on work time but I didn't because.....


..... Everyone else will keep using it in this situation. I've seen it many times over 18 years here. Worst one was piled up literally at least 6 to 8 inches above the seat! People in here are absolutely disgusting!

Some folks, in fact where I work most folks, go by the old saying, "Never work on company time and never poop on your own." Not I. I'll do it in the luxury of my own clean bathroom and not where someone who hasn't showered in the last month goes.

So on that note, just about every male majority forum I am on eventually starts this thread. I present to you the Poop at Work Bathroom Etiquette Survival Guide....


  • How to Poop at Work

    We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

    CROP DUSTING
    When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

    FLY BY
    The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

    ESCAPEE
    A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

    JAILBREAK
    When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

    COURTESY FLUSH
    The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

    WALK OF SHAME
    Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
    A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

    THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
    A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

    SAFE HAVENS
    A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

    TURD BURGLAR
    Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

    CAMO-COUGH
    A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

    SHIRLEY TEMPLE
    A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

    WATERMELON
    A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

    HAVANA-OMELET
    A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

    AUNT BETTY
    A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever... Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees!

    SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF
    The King Poop: This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

    Bali Belly Poop: You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

    Cement Block: You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

    Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop): Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

    The Bungee Poop: The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear before it falls into the water.

    The Crippler: The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

    The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

    The Party Pooper: The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
I can get "Aunt Betty" out.
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Old 11-22-13, 10:11 AM   #72
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I always feel bad when I am changing into or out of cycling clothes in a stall at work and someone shows up to poop in the other stall.
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Old 11-22-13, 11:11 AM   #73
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And, for the busy bike courier who can`t afford to waste the time, there`s this, so you can go on the go.

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Old 11-22-13, 12:06 PM   #74
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Obviously pooping is a popular subject, who knew!

I try and use the unisex one stall bathroom with a lock when I absolutely have to go, I usually try and go before or after work though if I can help it. Our bathroom (women's) usually has a biohazard sign on one of the stall doors at least once or twice a week.
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Old 11-22-13, 05:30 PM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bjtesch View Post
Sometimes I don't have a choice in the matter- when I have to go I have to go.

Now I work in an old building- on our floor there are 17 guys and a single potty. Sometimes I don't get to go when I need to. There seem to be a few people on the floor, who I haven't discovered yet, that will spend long times in there when they go. I end up going fast because I don't want to be "that guy".

My previous company was in a 15 story office building with one stall per floor. Sometimes I would have to go to the floor below or 2 floors below in order to find an empty stall.
I remember working in a building that had two cubicles per floor. From the 5th floor the nearest bathroom was on the half landing between the 4th and 5th floors, and that was the gents. Between 3rd and 4th was the ladies, so if both cubicles were taken you had to go down two floors.

One day I ended up in the basement in a facility that obviously hadn't been used in a while, as pulling the chain to flush resulted in a wave of murky brown water coming out of the cistern. I didn't bother to look to see if everything had flushed, I just wanted to get out of there. I didn't wash my hands until I got back up to a bathroom where the water was clear.
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