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Old 02-10-14, 03:50 AM   #376
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His life is like a 45 played at 33.3.
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Old 02-10-14, 01:45 PM   #377
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Loves to put Ass Gristle on his bacon....
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Old 02-10-14, 05:11 PM   #378
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...gristle, gas, or ass. Nobody rides for free.
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Old 02-10-14, 07:03 PM   #379
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In case of famine, stores gristle between his teeth.
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Old 02-10-14, 07:29 PM   #380
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As Risk Manager, his primary concern is the risk of missing a meal. So far, so good.
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Old 02-10-14, 08:18 PM   #381
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Knows that I often tell the cat that she doesn't look as if she has missed too many meals.
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Old 02-10-14, 09:02 PM   #382
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Really likes when the cat pukes in his boot.

"She wuvs me!" he exclaims, "She willy wuvs me!"

"She's my wittle Snookums! Yes she is!"
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Old 02-11-14, 07:57 AM   #383
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Is not weird.
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.... Other than being completely wrong, you're correct.
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Old 02-11-14, 08:42 AM   #384
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Got caught Smoeking in the Boyz Room with his buddies Mick and Tom.
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Old 02-11-14, 09:18 AM   #385
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His use of 'smoeking' betrays his Dutch heritage. That, and turning a wooden shoe into a bong.
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Old 02-11-14, 09:30 AM   #386
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His Oz heritage (which even he just found out) explains his tribal preference for the rare nose bong.
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Old 02-11-14, 01:30 PM   #387
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Thinks a bong is a stupid utensil...
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Old 02-11-14, 02:16 PM   #388
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...he's saving all his bongwater with the intention of shipping it to California to assist in drought relief efforts here. We appreciate his thoughtfulness.
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Old 02-11-14, 05:29 PM   #389
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Is moving to Denver where he will host a new show on Colorado State TV, The Bong Show.

In this show young tattooed hipster chicks will attempt to entertain a panel of celebrity dopers for a short period of time. If the celebrity doper hits the Bong before times up 3A has to listen to her complain about whatever she has to complain about as her prize.

Or something like that. He'll figure it out.
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Old 02-11-14, 07:09 PM   #390
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Owns the key to life and guards it well...
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Old 02-11-14, 07:38 PM   #391
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wun at lest jaun spelink be for he bekame mastr spasman.
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Old 02-11-14, 07:52 PM   #392
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Spelunking was fun for him, he practically invented the sport....
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Old 02-11-14, 07:53 PM   #393
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His Colorado vaca has clearly put a new meaning on getting stoned underground.
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Old 02-11-14, 07:57 PM   #394
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His assumptions are always spot on accurate...
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Old 02-11-14, 08:27 PM   #395
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Says he was clearing his throat. It's not what you think. Go back to sleep.
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Old 02-11-14, 08:30 PM   #396
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Remembers the good old days when you could get lied to for a nickel.
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Old 02-11-14, 08:34 PM   #397
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Just finished lighting up a nickel...
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Old 02-11-14, 09:02 PM   #398
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Is now a nickel short of a dime bag.
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Old 02-11-14, 09:06 PM   #399
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Nickels and dimes the local Girl Scouts until they hurl boxes of Thin Mints at him.
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Old 02-11-14, 09:10 PM   #400
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Says "Girl Scouts, they're what's for dinner!" and laughs.

I, for one, am alarmed!
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