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Old 04-13-14, 05:47 AM   #1176
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lies somewhere between erectus and cro-magnon.

his melon, that is.
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Old 04-13-14, 08:18 AM   #1177
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Is never lacking erectus...
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Old 04-13-14, 09:15 AM   #1178
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has nothing to erecticise anymore...
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.... Other than being completely wrong, you're correct.
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Old 04-13-14, 09:23 AM   #1179
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Has nothing to exorcise anymore.
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Old 04-13-14, 09:40 AM   #1180
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Needs an exorcism...
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Old 04-13-14, 09:48 AM   #1181
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Part-time mohel, part-time balloon-twisting clown.
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Old 04-13-14, 11:39 AM   #1182
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Is Wisconsin's first super-mohel.
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i glad turn hobbits
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Old 04-13-14, 12:34 PM   #1183
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...
...
...his fame and status as an ex-super model were what led to the late night infomercial in which he demonstrates his erection exercise program. He makes a pretty penny at it.
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Old 04-13-14, 04:04 PM   #1184
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Knocks 3X before beginning said exercise Penny program.
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Old 04-13-14, 04:33 PM   #1185
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He's a fontanewt
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Old 04-13-14, 04:46 PM   #1186
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Knocks three times if he needs me to love him...
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Old 04-13-14, 06:38 PM   #1187
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...recently landed the job of body double for Penny on The Big Bang because of his perky breasts. Does all the skin scenes that Kaley Cuoko is too shy for.
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Old 04-13-14, 06:59 PM   #1188
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Keeps the fleas of a thousand camels close for those moments when they make the difference.

He's all about the difference.
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Old 04-13-14, 07:45 PM   #1189
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He's too shy shy.
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Old 04-13-14, 07:57 PM   #1190
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He's bold as a love glove.
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Old 04-14-14, 03:45 AM   #1191
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wins the billy barty lookalike competition at the county fair every year.
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Old 04-14-14, 06:45 AM   #1192
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wins the billy barty lookalike competition at the county fair every year.
Doesn't spank the monkey as he doesn't believe in the effectiveness of corporal punishment.

Instead he tries to get the monkey to behave by using gentle, logical arguments that should appeal to the monkey's intelligence.
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Old 04-14-14, 10:47 AM   #1193
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...the Funky Monkey is his favorite song. He uses it for his ringtone, and whenever he gets a call, breaks out into a short interpretive dance.
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Old 04-14-14, 11:08 AM   #1194
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On his 1040 under occupation, it says Twerk Choreographer. Turbo Tax keeps saying chance of audit is high. Go figure.
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Old 04-14-14, 11:19 AM   #1195
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His new workout CD "Nordic Ski Twerking" is literally, a run away hipster hit with its signature move "Teletwerk Yo Partner B******"
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Old 04-14-14, 01:31 PM   #1196
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Is experimenting and practicing fwerking in the privacy of his bedroom with a life size cardboard cutout of Miley Cyrus. He hopes to show her his moves in person soon.
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Old 04-14-14, 03:25 PM   #1197
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.
.
...hurt himself so badly fwerking that he has had to temporarily limit his small interpretive dance moves when his phone rings. I'ts just a temporary setback, 'though.
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Old 04-14-14, 05:02 PM   #1198
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Has perfected the one-cheek-sneak in a church pew.
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Old 04-14-14, 06:02 PM   #1199
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Knows how they came to be called 'pews'.
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Old 04-14-14, 09:26 PM   #1200
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...nominated for a pewlitzer prize three years running, he has yet to win. Maybe next year.
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