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Old 04-14-14, 09:55 PM   #1201
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Has won Mr. Side Boob Universe, three years running.
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Old 04-15-14, 04:27 AM   #1202
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boob was his nickname in grade school, but only because he was soft, round, pink, wobbly and frequently spat up his milk.
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Old 04-15-14, 10:54 AM   #1203
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Moob was his nickname. Guess why.....
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Old 04-15-14, 06:10 PM   #1204
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no one really called him. sometimes someone said, "boy" or "hey you." even his mother forgot his name. he was just so pasty, he blended into the walls.

but now, he's primed to dazzle.
Moonlights as a ventriloquist's dummy because he loves having a big hand up his ass and someone telling him what to say.
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i glad turn hobbits
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Old 04-15-14, 06:17 PM   #1205
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Post a Lie about the poster above - Volume 2

Really gets off on SNL's "Tiny Hand Gal". Makes him feel ginormous.
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Old 04-15-14, 07:35 PM   #1206
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Fell into "Tiny Hand Gal" she not to tight...
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Old 04-16-14, 02:41 AM   #1207
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"she not too tight," he said.

"so, you like her then?" the madame asked.

"me rike very much. i ruv this prace. me come many time."

"ok, honey. that's what we're here for..."
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Old 04-16-14, 08:25 AM   #1208
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as a young man he invented a device to clean wax out of the hard-to-reach parts of the ear canal
but the device was found to have other uses
and he traded the patent for a bit of grocery money at a low point in his life

the device is now known as a slap chop
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Old 04-16-14, 09:01 AM   #1209
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Wakes up and gives his member a Slap Chop then proceeds to have a decaf....
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Old 04-16-14, 09:26 AM   #1210
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Custom toilet painter, specializing in stucco and splatter.
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Old 04-16-14, 10:13 AM   #1211
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Minnesota Splats is his name in all the restaurants round town...
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Old 04-17-14, 04:58 AM   #1212
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he had just beaten the old man in a fierce battle and said to him, "splats, there's a new turd in these here waters, and you're looking at him."

"ya got lucky," splats told him. "there's always a next time, kid, and then, it might be yer ass." at that, they both looked up, fearfully.

the famed minnesota splats swam away then. he had never known such rejection.
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Old 04-17-14, 08:27 AM   #1213
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His liar groupies kept him up late. Now he has a truth hangover.
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Old 04-17-14, 09:19 AM   #1214
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His super hero status as the Great Frozen Bomb Hunter of the North secured his place in turdistory.
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Old 04-17-14, 09:24 AM   #1215
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His super hero status as the Great Frozen Bomb Hunter of the North secured his place in turdistory.
They aren't so frozen anymore. And lordy lordy there are plenty of them

Eats his toothpick after he's done pickin' 'n grinnin'.
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Old 04-17-14, 01:15 PM   #1216
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Half-heartedly denies being the role model for one of the characters in the reboot of Fargo.
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Old 04-17-14, 01:30 PM   #1217
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Has mixed emotions about a certain event involving a wood chipper.
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Old 04-17-14, 01:50 PM   #1218
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Spends his days pondering the big question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
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Old 04-18-14, 06:48 AM   #1219
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Chucked his wood in a fit of anger, unfortunately it was directly at a trampoline...
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Old 04-18-14, 07:36 PM   #1220
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Has gotten so he can't tell the carrot from the stick.

And he doesn't care so long as he gets a good beating and something to eat.
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Old 04-18-14, 09:11 PM   #1221
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...Chuck Wood was the screen name he used in most of his 80's porn films.
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Old 04-18-14, 10:14 PM   #1222
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Wood grappling is an Olympic sport in his corner of the tree house...
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Old 04-19-14, 05:25 AM   #1223
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Is too uncoordinated to twerk, but has everything it takes to be a twerp.
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Old 04-19-14, 05:54 AM   #1224
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An 11-26 on his police scanner make his ears perk up and eyes roll back in his head.
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Old 04-19-14, 06:24 AM   #1225
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he said, "doc, will this new eye make me look more dignified?"

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