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Old 04-27-14, 11:29 AM   #1351
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He can't handle the truth. He fondles it.
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Old 04-27-14, 11:45 AM   #1352
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Never met a fruit he didn't covet.
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Old 04-27-14, 02:02 PM   #1353
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Would never be accused of being a fruity loop...
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Old 04-27-14, 05:53 PM   #1354
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Takes the self-checkout a bit too literally. He's banned from Walmart in seventeen states.
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Old 04-27-14, 06:15 PM   #1355
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Family dollar has a wanted poster with his name on it for being a day late and well, a dollar short...
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Old 04-27-14, 07:42 PM   #1356
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The 99cent Store says he's a penny short.

His counter-claim is it's a penny earned.

They think its a bad penny and don't want him coming back.
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Old 04-27-14, 07:44 PM   #1357
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Couldn't get a penny for his thoughts.
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Old 04-27-14, 07:54 PM   #1358
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Puts his penis in Penny...
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Old 04-27-14, 08:37 PM   #1359
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Got the memo.

Read it.

Swore to abide by it even at the cost of his integrity as a liar.
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Old 04-28-14, 05:30 AM   #1360
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The women are climbing over each other for his juicy sweet member...
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Old 04-28-14, 05:49 AM   #1361
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Isn't jealous a bit.
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Old 04-28-14, 06:39 AM   #1362
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Is sure I am...
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Old 04-28-14, 08:35 AM   #1363
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Has resolved to henceforth say nothing that you could not find in a Disney film.
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Old 04-28-14, 09:30 AM   #1364
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follows the long disney tradition
of filming the throwing of lemmings off a cliff
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Old 04-28-14, 09:50 AM   #1365
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Would consider breeding like lemmings but fears the cliff jumping would throw him off his game.
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Old 04-28-14, 11:53 AM   #1366
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Is fond of saying: When life gives you lemmings, get a big ass industrial blender and make lemmingaide.
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Old 04-28-14, 02:56 PM   #1367
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When life gives him lemons he sucks...
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Old 04-28-14, 06:56 PM   #1368
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Came up with the concept of 'will it blend?'.
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Old 04-28-14, 07:04 PM   #1369
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Here's a guy that knows how to enjoy a lemming. Or two. Or 42.
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Old 04-28-14, 08:29 PM   #1370
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And here's a guy who relishes being drawn and quartered.
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Old 04-28-14, 10:14 PM   #1371
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His picture frame family will be joining him for May Day.
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Old 04-29-14, 03:42 AM   #1372
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his picture frame family includes a yard jockey, small pony, and a male mannequin in drag.
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Old 04-29-14, 06:00 AM   #1373
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Has a small, but well-curated collection of cast-iron yard jockeys.
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Old 04-29-14, 07:53 AM   #1374
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his lawn jockeys kept getting moved by neighbourhood teenagers
so he chained them to the porch

they complained a lot while he was doing it
but they cant quite reach the lawn jockeys any more
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Old 04-29-14, 09:47 AM   #1375
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Wears his jockeys two sizes small.
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