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  1. #1
    Senior Member fettsvenska's Avatar
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    My wife kick me out of bed

    I ate too much pizza for dinner and now I'm farting a lot so I got kick to the sofa.

    I can't say that I totally blame my wife. These farts are so hot and nasty that I think that my own face is starting to melt off. I might be Freddy Kreuger by the morning. I downed some Pepto about 30 min ago and my GI tract is still percolating like a coffee pot.

    So if Freddy Kreuger shows up in your dreams and asks you to pull his finger, you better hope that you have a friend who can wake you from that nightmare. Otherwise, a horrific death is imminent.

  2. #2
    Senior Member trackhub's Avatar
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    I hear this a lot from married dudes, and for far less offenses than the one you describe.
    "The Universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on a government contract." Robert A. Heinlein

  3. #3
    Potential Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing...
    You can further the brotherhood of man by eliminating class.
    You can lift the wage earner up by equalizing earnings.
    You can bring about prosperity by overturning the holders of power.
    You can strengthen the weak by eating the the strong.
    You can help the poor by destroying the rich.

  4. #4
    Too Much Crazy
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    This isn't a scratch n sniff thread?

  5. #5
    long time visiter Alfster's Avatar
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    Isn't it supposed to be "... for better, or worse ..." and "... in good times, and in bad ..."?

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alfster View Post
    Isn't it supposed to be "... for better, or worse ..." and "... in good times, and in bad ..."?
    Maybe that was WAS the better!

  7. #7
    aka Phil Jungels Wanderer's Avatar
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    You should have pulled the blankets over her head, and held them down, at the very first sign.

    You would both have been laughing so hard, it would never be brought up again.................

    Of course, "what's good for the goose, is good for the gander..................."

    "Retirement is the best job I ever had!" Me, 2009


    Specialized Crosstrail Sport - '08
    Nishiki Sport - misappropriated from my youngest son (circa 1984)
    Marin Stinson - misappropriated by my youngest grandson - '01
    "The Beast" - 1990 Schwinn Airdyne (in the basement for winter torture)

  8. #8
    Senior Member Zedoo's Avatar
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    Your guests can thank your wife for the smell in the sofa. They sit down, OMG, kthxbai.

  9. #9
    Senior Member toytech's Avatar
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    Your not really married until SHE starts farting in bed.
    I second the "dutch oven" although you will probably only get away with it once...
    "Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."--Harry S. Truman

  10. #10
    Senior Member
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    I have a sofa in my "man cave" (spare bedroom) so I'm in good shape there.

  11. #11
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
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    I see a birthday gift in your future.
    Quote Originally Posted by Xerum 525 View Post
    Now get on your cheap bike and give me a double century. You walking can of Crisco!!

    Forum Guidelines *click here*

  12. #12
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    fettsvenska translates to "Dude, what the hell did you eat?, Seriously, did you eat a dead skunk? Get the hell out of our bed! NOW!" or something like that.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Will G's Avatar
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    Whether verbally or aromatically, there is a time for sharing and a time for keeping to ones self. I think mankind would have been better served with the latter in place of the former in both categories.
    Flying a jet is no different than riding a bicycle. It's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

  14. #14
    covered in cat fur katsrevenge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toytech View Post
    Your not really married until SHE starts farting in bed.
    I second the "dutch oven" although you will probably only get away with it once...
    Or engaged. Let's just say I eat a lot of veggies....

    It's true love when you have fart competitions.
    Just one of those dirty pinko commies some people worry about.

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