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  1. #1
    Jacob Lighter jacoblighter's Avatar
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    --

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    Last edited by jacoblighter; 06-20-14 at 01:41 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member raqball's Avatar
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    If your mom has moved out of the house and taken all her personal items with her then she no longer has the right to enter as she pleases. She may have a financial interest in the house but she would no longer considered to be living there.

    You or or father can call the police if he enters uninvited. Just because she still has a key means nothing. Of course you could always change the locks..

    Good luck, I hope it all works out for you..
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  3. #3
    Senior Member awfulwaffle's Avatar
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    Can't even begin to imagine what that's like, so I won't pretend to understand how you feel. All I can offer is the following: if I were in that kind of predicament, I would do my absolute best to find a job in the city where school is, find some room mates and get a place there so I never have to return to what you're dealing with.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Sounds toxic. If I were in that situation, I'd toss what would fit in my car and put some distance between us.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyril View Post
    Ride what and in what manner pleases you. Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind. srsly.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member tuxbailey's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. Your Dad is severely depressed. Please see if you can convince him to get help.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Dave Cutter's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say your parents are "getting divorced". Some people never manage to finish the paperwork/processes to get married.... some people never complete the processes to divorce ether. Your parents are separated.

    I know we can all tend to be critical of family. But your family seems to have some minor mental health issues. It can make it difficult to understand what normal is... if you've never had an opportunity spend time with it... or at least visit normal. Your brother may be your best bet at normal. BTW... door stops are safety devices... like car bumpers and bicycle helmets. The are designed for protection during mishaps... they aren't designed to be "used". There are bunches of "proper ways" to use and treat household items. It is possible you've just never been taught those things.

    I hope things work out for you. Maybe you can find some summer programs at school... or a decent part-time job.. or BOTH. Then create your own home. So going home will be a pleasant experience that you do everyday. Best of luck.

  7. #7
    Trek 500 Kid Zinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by awfulwaffle View Post
    Can't even begin to imagine what that's like, so I won't pretend to understand how you feel. All I can offer is the following: if I were in that kind of predicament, I would do my absolute best to find a job in the city where school is, find some room mates and get a place there so I never have to return to what you're dealing with.
    +1

    Part time night janitor work goes well with school if you can make enough money at it to share a house or apartment with students during the school year. You can supplement that with full daytime work in the summer.
    Last edited by Zinger; 06-16-14 at 12:45 AM.
    "I never lost a race because my bike was too heavy".......George Mount

  8. #8
    Pedaled too far. Artkansas's Avatar
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    It's time to get out of there.

    Sorry for the chaos at home, but this too shall pass.
    "He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
    I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.

  9. #9
    Long Distance Cyclist Machka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacoblighter View Post
    I'm 22 years old and am out of town for college most of the year but during the summer I come back home and usually stay with my folks.
    Stay in your college town for the summer. Get a job. Get an apartment of your own ... if it is a college town, chances are you should be able to find a room or small basement suite or something for let. Sometimes college dorms allow students to stay there year round.

    Make your own life.

  10. #10
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    It's time to explore options so that you can get as far away from the family issues as possible until they normalize somewhat and you are truly able to help, but not own your parents issues, and are able to comfortably hold clear boundaries with your family. All the suggestions and comments already posted are good ones. Get a summer job, stay out of town. Slowly start helping your dad get back on his feet - he really has some issues and needs a professional supportive community. Don't try to do it yourself or own or enable his behaviors. Seriously.

    Already posted, but your family and the situation is toxic in the worst way.

    Dave Cutter made a good point about proper ways to treat household items, and there is a difference between obsessing over your home and respecting all the work to make and keep it nice. There are different living styles and your choice of making a new life / home are sharing a place with others to keep the costs down, or maybe working through a local church or community center that helps young adults like yourself integrate with a couple and learn what it's like to live in a clean, respectful household. That of course means living by their household rules which may not be a bad thing at all.

    Bottom line though is get out of town and out of the fray for a couple years at least. You need time to heal and recover from this.
    "Of course you eat too much" (Looigi) There are things people say that are so true you can never forget the wisdom. I still eat too much. Without denial.
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  11. #11
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by no1mad View Post
    Sounds toxic. If I were in that situation, I'd toss what would fit in my car and put some distance between us.
    I have to agree. Perhaps you could arrange for a summer job in Alaska or maybe South America (good money to be made in the oil industry). Certainly you need to separate yourself from this and then you can help your dad more objectively.
    Right now you are in the middle of this mess.
    Grab your bags and move.

  12. #12
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
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    I agree with all of the responses about finding a job near your school. Your college might even have a job board for students looking for work. A lot of industries hire students for internships or entry-level work during the summer.

    Do you have any friends at school you could be roommates with? Some of them might already have a place with a room for rent.
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    So Tom only hires people that are nutty? Is part of the requirement to be a moderator on this site is that you have to be nuts??
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  13. #13
    Sore saddle cyclist Shifty's Avatar
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    Call animal control for the dogs, call mental health on your Mom and the Health Department on Dad.

    Stay at school year round, many schools hire students to do summer dorm maintenance and campus work during summer. Talk with a councilor at the school and explain your story at "home", I would think they would be sympathetic and help you arrange to be productive there during breaks. There are also many youth camps all over the country looking for students to work as staff and they will provide room and meals, these can be really rewarding and positive jobs. Lots of road work done over summer, these jobs pay well and are summer temp work, contact the County near your school.

    You sound like a good kid, I do think that you need to take care of yourself now. Your parents will sink or swim, you have a full life ahead, make the most of it. Good luck.
    Those voices in your head aren't real, but they have some great ideas

  14. #14
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Man, that sounds rough. One more vote for get out, seek help for yourself first and then for them. I would agree that there is some sort of depression going on with your dad. Get him some help if you can but get out first. Check with you school, see if they can help with a job and a place to live.

    Best of luck.

    BTW, what part of Texas are you in?
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
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  15. #15
    Disco Infiltrator Darth Lefty's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, that's a rough situation. I agree that it would be in your best interest to clock out, but I understand that it's not that simple when it's your family, and you don't feel fully fledged as an adult yet, and somewhat dependent. Don't count on fixing anyone - if your parents were up for therapy, they probably wouldn't have gotten this far down in the first place. If you have to stay home, set boundaries, close your door against the pets and TV, and tolerate it for a few more months. It won't be long before you join the wide world.

  16. #16
    Senior Member no motor?'s Avatar
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    Wow. Get out and stay out is the best advice for now, along with looking for a summer job at school. Things may be bad now, but they'll be worse if you don't get out.

  17. #17
    Pedaled too far. Artkansas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
    I agree with all of the responses about finding a job near your school. Your college might even have a job board for students looking for work. A lot of industries hire students for internships or entry-level work during the summer.
    School counselors might know of ways the OP could stay in the dorms over the summer or some similar program.
    "He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
    I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.

  18. #18
    Every day a winding road spinnaker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tuxbailey View Post
    Sorry to hear that. Your Dad is severely depressed. Please see if you can convince him to get help.
    +1 but they both need help. Try to get them help but don't let them drag you down with them either. You are 22 yo, it is long past time to be on your own. I would look into summer residence at school. Either take classes or get a summer job or both.

    Talk to the dean or someone at school. I can't imagine they would not try to help you out.
    "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."

    Albert Einstein

  19. #19
    Every day a winding road spinnaker's Avatar
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    Not to minimize the OP's problems but what is really sad is that the OPs problems are minor when you compare them to the issues of others. Children should have 2 loving parents at home (not to say one can't do a great job just two are better), both dedicated to the family. I am 55 years old and am lucky enough to have 2 parents in my life that could not be more dedicated to one another and their family. They have been that way all of my life.
    "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."

    Albert Einstein

  20. #20
    Senior Member Astrozombie's Avatar
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    Smells like dysfunctional background, RUN, head for the hills and never look back!!
    Assume nothing; Question everything

  21. #21
    Senior Member eja_ bottecchia's Avatar
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    OP, I can't even begin to tell you how sad your post makes me. My wife are in the process of getting divorced. For the sake of two of our adult children who are still living at home (the other two already have their own place) we have tried to keep it as civil as possible. There is no denying, however, the level of tension in the house and it is not comfortable when she is around.

    if you can afford it, move out. You will be doing yourself a great deal of good.
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  22. #22
    Warning:Annoying to jerks RaleighSport's Avatar
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    I can't even begin to relate to your life situation or offer advice etc.. but I'll keep you in my thoughts guy, and try to send you good vibes.
    Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.


    ― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Emerson in His Journals

  23. #23
    Nobody mconlonx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Machka View Post
    Stay in your college town for the summer. Get a job. Get an apartment of your own ... if it is a college town, chances are you should be able to find a room or small basement suite or something for let. Sometimes college dorms allow students to stay there year round.

    Make your own life.
    This.

    Buddy of mine ran from a dangerously dysfunctional situation in Cincinnati all the way to Boston. College wasn't even his thing, just moved far to get away from the situation where he had some friends he could crash with while getting on his feet. Worked food service, and then as a bike messenger, started college along the way. Just graduated, too, all on his own efforts, while working and living on his own.

    You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. If you have good friends elsewhere who wouldn't mind, lean on them for a bit if you need to get out immediately, and then set yourself up as you can.
    I know next to nothing. I am frequently wrong.

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