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Old 04-07-05, 06:25 PM   #1
jarhead#42
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i think aliens are gonna land soon !

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Communication with Capt. Helena of the Capricorn. 07 April 2005

Lavar: Welcoming Helena.

Helena: Many of our users, who communicate with Helena, are full of the tasks [needed] to help with the sayings that are handled by the special group in your part of these [messages]. There is much to be done before their are [accurate] details of the [concepts] that will come from Helena. There will be others who will be holding the fundamentals of truth and appreciating those thoughts that would be of importance for the glory of Christian efforts in His special coming. In the meantime there are needs for us to handle properly that which will be resounding with certain actions or impose certain facts upon those who read these papers. We believe that the time is close at hand by which we shall be recognized as [becoming] earth bound and there will be those who will look for our coming in the flesh. It will not be long now. The final completion of the distribution of the bank funds is in its final stages. Then we will know about the time of the meeting for our plans to come to visit with the Earthlings and show that we exist in earnest. There is a place selected and it is there in Salt Lake in the airport NO. 2 as you know. We shall soon have information for the time of our landing. We shall probably have that information for you and your friends this coming Monday. That is our message for you this morning. Any questions?

Lavar: Thank you dear Helena. We shall be most pleased to receive the message for your landing and our visit with you at the landing of one of your vessels. What will be the distance that we should hold back while you land?

Helena: I would suggest at least 50 yards or to the edge of the fenced in area in which we shall land. Then after we land, the people can come up to with in say 15 feet of our craft. After we show ourselves and announce that we will take off, then all must back off while we take off.

Lavar: Thank you, We appreciate your thoughts and your information.
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Old 04-07-05, 06:34 PM   #2
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hehehe we had something like that on the comedy channel here once too.
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Old 04-07-05, 07:06 PM   #3
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I know if I was an alien visiting Earth for the first time, Utah is the place I'd choose to go first.
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Old 04-07-05, 07:37 PM   #4
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I see that one alien web site is now offering the following service.

" Saucer photography available. Don't get caught with your pants down. Most contactees eventually manage to snap an unauthorized pic of their friend's spaceship. Let us take the drudgery out of setting up the often obligatory pic. We have a broad range of crockery, smoking products and hats to choose from. Our expert artist can colourize your UFO with various paint schemes."

taking the drudgery out of fabricating alien landings etc.
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Old 04-07-05, 07:54 PM   #5
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Part 6.

6. The total package. We start with your name, then you let us do the rest. Take the worry out of creating a total fabrication. Let us write your whole book from when you were driving home that night along the lonesome road instead of the highway.

We'll start by showing how you suddenly became aware of that 747 sized light centimetres above your car. How you met your Grimnutsac alien who befriended and then used a weak mind erasing technique so that you would be haunted by images of him during the evening.

Need a medical history and photographs of those strange radiation burns on your arm? No need for pain or running your arm against your vehicle's exhaust pipe. The team leader here can help with painless make up or digital photo enhancement. All we need is a photo of your arm with a ruler balanced on it and an indication from you as to how large you want your burn. Clearly, there's no need to buy the whole Media Hype Kit
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Old 04-07-05, 08:00 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MERTON
you know all them tight ass christian need a good anal probin'!
Will someone explain why an alien would fly 17 million miles across a galaxy to give some 68 year-old farmer from Utah an anal probe.
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Old 04-07-05, 08:02 PM   #7
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Fair question
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Old 04-07-05, 08:05 PM   #8
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Don't be ridiculous. It's 17 million light years.
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Old 04-07-05, 08:09 PM   #9
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whooaa, I got all caught up in the distances. I was thinking "aliens wouldn't use miles" I guess it's irrelevant though, it's a long way.
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Old 04-07-05, 08:15 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Allister
Don't be ridiculous. It's 17 million light years.
My bad. Nevertheless, the crux of the issue remains on the table. WHY anal probe an 68 year old farmer from Utah? A porn star I could understand. Even Jennifer Lopez.
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Old 04-07-05, 08:24 PM   #11
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These days 68 year old farmers are porn stars
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Old 04-07-05, 08:35 PM   #12
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Old 04-07-05, 08:37 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MERTON
you know all them tight ass christian need a good anal probin'!

rofl, classic MERTON
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Old 04-07-05, 08:59 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HaagenDas
These days 68 year old farmers are porn stars
Not on my hard drive, freak. Who knows what they like in the Gamma Quadrant.
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Old 04-07-05, 09:10 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackberry
My bad. Nevertheless, the crux of the issue remains on the table. WHY anal probe an 68 year old farmer from Utah? A porn star I could understand. Even Jennifer Lopez.

I have to agree with BB on this one. I mean, if your gonna travel millions of light years to anal probe someone(or something ) atleast get someone with a nice booty
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Old 04-07-05, 09:31 PM   #16
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Gamma Quadrant farmers are notoriously gross. I've heard they front up at the most likely landing sites whistling around their single tooth in the hope they'll be noticed.
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Old 04-08-05, 02:30 AM   #17
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In the voice of Mr Slave from Southpark... "Like! Oh my god!".
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Old 04-08-05, 02:32 AM   #18
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There already here. How else do you explain MERTON?
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Old 04-08-05, 02:33 AM   #19
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No doubt Merton's scout ship crashed. I wonder if the A team then said, hey it's Merton, why risk more lives
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Old 04-08-05, 04:08 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackberry
My bad. Nevertheless, the crux of the issue remains on the table. WHY anal probe an 68 year old farmer from Utah? A porn star I could understand. Even Jennifer Lopez.
So much for the "To boldly go where no man has gone before..."
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Old 04-08-05, 06:25 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Expatriate
So much for the "To boldly go where no man has gone before..."
We need virgin butts and we need 'em now
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Old 04-08-05, 02:36 PM   #22
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