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  1. #1
    Senior Member trirmk's Avatar
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    Cyclist Lingo Translator

    Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:

    "I'm out of shape"
    Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

    "I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
    Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.

    "I'm on my beater bike"
    Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

    "It's not that hilly"
    Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

    "You're doing great, honey"
    Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

    "This is a no-drop ride"
    Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

    "It's not that far"
    Translation: Bring your passport.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    That is excellent!!

    God grant me the serenity to accept the hills and winds I cannot change;
    courage to challenge the cagers I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
    (with apologies to AA)
    24 mi. roundtrip -- Maryland suburbs to DC and back.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    So true!

  4. #4
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    LOL funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Work hard, Play hard forum*rider's Avatar
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    Dec 2003
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    San Diego, California
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    I admit to being guilty of the first and second one...

  6. #6
    RacingBear UmneyDurak's Avatar
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    My favorite is.
    "Oh I will be going easy pace."
    Translation: I will treat this ride as a TT, good luck hanging on.

    I was on the receiving end of number 4. What can I say I just started to ride in these parts and didn't know any better.
    I see hills.... Bring them on!!!
    Stay calm and bring a towel.

  7. #7
    Work hard, Play hard forum*rider's Avatar
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    Dec 2003
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    San Diego, California
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    Cannondale super V 500, Bianchi Piaggio(hopefully getting a new road bike when I get some money)
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    my uncle is guilty of the "It's not that far" thing.

    You know what happened last time I went on a ride with him? We were out riding and he said it would only be about 55mi, well, we get home and I'm dead tired wondering why I'm so beat.

    Look at his GPS system on his bike and well, whaddya know! It was 80mi instead of 55

    55mi my arse, I'm checking the route next time I go riding with him.

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