SquidPuppet

Diet Mountain Dew out my nostrils. Solid gold man.

SquidPuppet

Five stars as well.

johnny99

Is your husband named Mike Pence? Just wondering.

daviddavieboy

If my wife was hanging around strange guys in cycling kit without me I would feel uncomfortable too. That is why I will not be in a group ride with women involved. My wife has told me she is uncomfortable with this and I respect her feelings and would never do anything to hurt her on purpose. IMO a cycling forum is the wrong, borderline bad place to get marital advice.

jon c. 

It always surprises me a bit that in this day and age that some people still retain such sadly archaic attitudes.

pickettt

You can all say what you want, but TimothyH has got a valid point. Her husband has expressed his concern about the matter, it's her choice what to do with that information.

TimothyH

.


It would be really nice to have a conversation where every argument in favor or against something doesn't start with an insult.

I realized that my post would not be received well and said what I think and believe. The OP wasn't talking about mixed groups but all men groups. If I were married and akk women groups were the only cycling people I could find then I'd ride alone or find another hobby. I feel that much is owed to a spouse.

The 50% divorce rate argues in my favor.


-Tim-

Sangetsu

It isn't appropriate for a married woman or man to spend lots of time with members of the opposite sex.

I don't agree with this. Half of the world is one sex or the other, and in many personal and professional situations, working or socializing with members of the opposite sex is unavoidable. Talking or working with a member of the other sex does not mean that an inappropriate relationship will develop.

But some people are sensitive about such things. My wife used to be quite concerned when I worked closely with female coworkers or clients, but I don't fool around, and now it doesn't bother her. For myself, my wife's industry is dominated by professional men, most of whom are very wealthy, and are aggressive in their pursuits. But I don't worry about her getting involved with someone else. We have a good life, and neither of us want to mess it up.

Sometimes our partners are a little unreasonable in their demands and expectations. But it is wise to try to go along to preserve harmony. If demands or expectations are too excessive, that is a bigger problem. In my own case, my wife is practical, has good judgment, and is not excessively demanding. She has her weak points, as do I, but we tend to overlook these. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and having a good relationship requires a lot of give and take on both sides. The two most important words in keeping a relationship are "yes dear", even if you don't want to say yes.

manapua_man

I'm gonna need a 10ft pole and some blanket statements for this one...

Cyclist0108

The best way to diffuse his suspicion is to get him to come with you. Call his bluff.

mcours2006

Many of you are arguing that it's a sexist attitude to believe otherwise, that it is perfectly normal behaviour for a woman to hang out with a bunch of men on a regular basis, and to feel otherwise makes you closed minded and archaic...because that's the way we like to see ourselves--all liberal, righteous, and completely secure in ourselves and our relationships. Well, the way we like to see ourselves often isn't who we actually are. I can acknowledge that what the husband feels is completely valid, and doesn't make him any less of a man. The wife should respect those feelings and address them directly to him.

jon c. 

No, it does it in any way argue in your favor.

Not without adding your own speculation as to why that rate is what it is. One could just as easily argue that a basic lack of respect, such as is displayed by the husband in this scenario shown, may be the proximate reason so many marriages end in divorce.

And this rate is really nothing new.

hooptieschick

I'm sorry you feel that way. I've spent some time reading these forums, it's just the first time I've asked a question.

It's interesting on the various opinions on this. I'll ride solo if that's what my husband wants, I just wish it didn't have to be that way. It's unfortunate there are not more women cyclists in my area.

Doctor Morbius

I used to go to big parties with hot strippers and supermodels and my ex-wife never gave it a second thought. She would be perfectly content staying at home watching TV.

indyfabz

Hands down the most lamentable BF post I have ever read. You also in favor of repealing the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution?

WNCGoater

I think you all are being a bit unfair to Tim. He has a point. There is a reason we take a vow of "forsaking all others". Granted, it means little to today's mindset...and that is the point, people don't take their marriage relationships, and the vows they make seriously. Obviously her husband has a problem with this. Anyone ask why? Perhaps there's more to this story. It's been suggested the OP is a troll and considering, I have to suspect that may be the case. Perhaps he's been given a reason to object? Is she willing to ask HIM to ride with her? She doesn't want to ride with the women because they're slow? Please... WE don't know the whole story. There's always another side to any story.



Probably 99 out of 100 could do what the OP suggests with no problem...probably. But rest assured, no one ever PLANS to hang out with those of the opposite sex for the purpose of hoping for infidelity and a marriage breakup. Do they? Things happen. Don't put yourself in certain situations and you won't ever have to worry about certain outcomes. That's Tim's point. Call it archaic, twist his words if you wish but it's true.

You have a problem with your wife or husband and your response is, "that's archaic, get with the times, this isn't the 1600's, you need therapy, etc.? Right. No it isn't the 1600's. Now days half of marriages end in divorce. Most divorces are a result of petty differences, selfishness, self-centeredness and an inability of people to give rather than just take, and those who demand what they want and the heck with what YOU want...as is being so clearly illustrated here. The family has broken down, much to the detriment of the younger generations. Say what you want, but family stability and intact families is important and many have had their lives devastated through divorce.

So go ahead and call names and judge Tim. (Pot meet kettle)
But if the OP is genuine and has any real concern for her husband, she would be talking to him, not coming to some biking forum looking for marriage advice.

If she doesn't give one rip about her marriage, or him, then she should take the advice most of you have offered and tell him he needs therapy, is insecure, needs to get with the times or perhaps should go pound sand. Then go ride with her road jocks.

And in the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about tha-at."

indyfabz

Why did you stop?

indyfabz

With all the new member trolling that has gone on in General, especially lately, I tend to agree with you.

jon c. 

It makes him less of a human being. Petty jealousy is a flaw.

It may be a flaw to which we are all susceptible, but that does not change the fact that it is a flaw. I would agree that I am often not the man I would like to be. That doesn't excuse my flaws, my flaws they diminish me.

WNCGoater

Why don't you talk to your husband about this instead of a bunch of faceless unknowns on the internet? Because I can tell you, you're getting some really BAD advice on this thread.

Bmach

I find it tough to imagine that she is the fastest women in her area. Maybe the fact that she is fast is why hubby does not want her riding men? 😈

Doctor Morbius

Because that doesn't make for good troll threads where the kindness and generosity of BF unknowingly shines through. Seems so many just don't have a clue.

johngwheeler

I'd be more concerned with my partner spending a lot of time with *one* person who could be a potential romantic distraction. Riding with a group, particularly one that that doesn't socialise pre or post ride (which is after all, where any messing about is likely to happen) is unlikely to evolve into an affair with an individual.

The problem, which I understand, is more that the husband in this case might feel excluded by his wife's interest, or even jealous of the other men, who are probably stronger and will be spending time with his wife. My wife is not interested in cycling and I do have to balance the time I spend with cycling groups (most of whom are strangers or casual acquaintances) with her interests.

If possible, get the husband to participate in some capacity (as SAG driver, soigneur) or at least meet the other people in the group. This removes a lot of the imagined jealously (unless of course the group is made of tall, bronzed adonis-like men who put him in the shade....)

tnburban

My wife does crossfit with guys and girls, mostly guys. I don't. She hangs out with them sometimes and I don't care. It's her fun time. I have zero worries about anything happening as our relationship is strong (15+ years). I just don't get the helicopter husbands. Control freaks.

JWK

Wow, if there was even a shred of doubt in my mind (and there really wasn't) of whether this is pure trolling, you have just eliminated it.

Kudos on adding even MORE troll bait! You will ride solo if that's what your husband wants, you so fervently wish it didn't have to be that way, and on top of all that, you have the tragic lack of women riders. You poor thing! I'm sure you will get many more responses, interesting opinions, and maybe even some pep talk.

Two facts for the BF members.

1. This is a classic troll theme.
2. This has nothing to do with cycling. Not one single bit.

A good troll theme gets people to respond with strong, emotional opinions based on their personal belief systems. The best troll threads get people arguing among themselves with the hope of things turning nasty.

This one has it all, folks.