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Old 06-22-05, 09:49 AM   #1
TheAnalogKid
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Can I just be alone? AIB How to get wife into biking...

Well, the Kid is back. I have been really busy with everything in my life, and have also moved to a new house, which is taking up all my time, trying to get it to be livable. All things aside, I have not been biking at all in about a month and a half. (Please, I beg to not be excommunicated).
Back on track, another reason I haven't biked is also attributed to my girlfriend. I tried to bike on a Saturday and she made me feel kind of guilty about leaving, saying I never invite her biking. To be honest, I never heard her say she wants to bike at all before this. Well, all the aside, I did not go out that day and haven't since. (Not entirely because of that, see my moving adventures and buying a house)
So we talked about it, and finally got a cheapo bike for her to ride. (Which hasn't even been touched since we brought it home)
My deal is that I used biking as MY escape from the world. I am an only child and tend to pick up hobbies on my own to do, which can be thought of as selfish, but in all relationships I believe each partner deserves and needs alone time in order for it to be healthy. But I usually cave in on things like this and not speak out. (The same goes for other things too, like watching TV, and what to eat) Sometimes I feel that if I have things my way, I may be seen as too controlling and authoritative.
I don't mind biking with her, but there are times when I would want to go fast, and ride for hours/miles/heck, eventually days and I don't think she wants to do that. I mean I know I can do leisure rides with her, but I feel that my growth as a cyclist will stagnate.
I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I almost feel threatened, and I am SUPREMELY guilty for not riding today, bike to work day.

Sorry to dump this on all of you, I just needed to get this out and I feel a little better. And, as when I always write stuff out, I tend to understand my problem better. I would like to hear other opinions on this and if there are similar situations out there.

Thanks, Kiddo.
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Old 06-22-05, 09:55 AM   #2
jeff-o
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Similar thing here. Bought not such a cheapo bike for my wife, it has been ridden three times in three months. I want her to come with me, but I don't want to force her or anything either. She never takes it out for errands on her own, either.

I'm working on it though....
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Old 06-22-05, 11:11 AM   #3
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I guess i'm lucky. I bought a cheapo bike for my wife, she tells me that she now sits in her office at work thinking about riding it that evening. She also keeps suggesting longer and longer distances. The main thing holding her back right now is that she is still uneasy in traffic. I stay slow in a low gear and we take lots of breaks. The point is to be out there to enjoy time with her.

The other advantage is that once she sees how much fun it is she understands when I want to go for a longer/faster ride.

I keep telling her that if we got one that fit correctly from an LBS that she will love it even more. I think women find the poor fitting cheapo bikes uncomftorable. They are designed so that you can by one for your daughter and it will still fit after six years. The trick is to convince the wife (who is genetically designed to stop us from spending money on toys) that the investment in a better bike is worth it.

Also I had to almost entirely disassemble and rebuild the bike before we went out for the first ride. I don't think a single bolt had been tightened all the way. What do the company's making these have against allen head bolts anyway?

Also keep an eye on the wheels they go out of true badly and easily.
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Old 06-22-05, 01:20 PM   #4
TheAnalogKid
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Maybe I will try to get her out there for smaller, easier rides, then go off on super rides by myself. I'm the kind of person who sets his own agenda, and then goes for it without consideration of anyone else. (Same goes for my thought of a motorcycle, and road biking around/across Colorado). A lot of times she'll hint that I am only thinking of me.
And forget about spending money on toys. I guess that is something that every guy experiences, eh?
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Old 06-22-05, 10:46 PM   #5
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It's important to have things you do by yourself for yourself. You may think that letting her have her way for all those little things is no big deal, but believe me it will add up over time and make you either slightly resenful or more controlling as a backlash. It has for me.
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Old 06-22-05, 10:55 PM   #6
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Your growth as a cyclist doesn't have to stagnate, you just have to balance the riding. My wife loves to ride (see mominboots post other thread) but she also knows that I can ride faster. She also knows that I need to lose more weight than she does. So I consider riding with the family to be base miles, and then I sometimes go out by myself and hammer a little more. My son is getting pretty fast, hell we're all progressing, but I really need more miles, I've got a good 20-25 lbs. I want to get rid of. Sometimes I go out by myself later at night, and she understands that, as long as I'm able to ride when she has the time to be able to ride, it's all good.
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