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Old 06-29-05, 07:53 PM   #1
Cyclaholic
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Loser at my work trying to take credit for riding he doesn't do...

There's this guy at my work, he sees that the secretaries flirt with me and are impressed by my commuting, he is also an overweight slob that smokes. So he gets on ebay and buys a crappy x-mart full suspension bike, must have been the cheapest on ebay at the time, has it delivered at work and makes a big fuss about it when its delivered, parades it around and says how he rides often and this is an upgrade from his 'old bike without suspension' making a reference to mine... .... I was so p!ssed by that I wanted to smack him in the chops but I didn't say anything because he's my supervisor. Then he tries to impress a few of the singles in our office by telling them how he rides as much as me! So I think to myself yeh, I know how to induce a heart attack in this loser so I say to him "hey, why don't we go for a ride together after work, I know a great hill to try out that suspension" but all I've gotten so far is excuses why he cant go. It's been 3 weeks and the bike is gathering dust in the storeroom, tyres have gone flat, and there's absolutely nothing worth cannibalising on it

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest
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Old 06-29-05, 07:59 PM   #2
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Does he wear cleats around the office?
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Old 06-29-05, 08:04 PM   #3
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For laughs get him to wear a full campbell's "full of beans" cycle outfit to work one day....

Heck, I'll pay ya $25 to see tha pic of that (gotta be decent res tho, I'll be archivin it for a day I gotta LMFAO!)
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Old 06-29-05, 08:17 PM   #4
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Funny thing is that I remember when he first found out I was commuting he came in to my office and said "you're f'ing crazy" in a real negative tone, then he made a passing joke about how gay licra is when I first started wearing lycra shorts.

I really don't like that guy very much at all, fortunately I will be moving on to another job in 2 weeks so I won't have to see his pudgy chops again. I need to leave him some sort of going away 'present' any suggestions?
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Old 06-29-05, 08:19 PM   #5
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Be sure to make it painfully obvious he doesn't ride in front of everyone at work, reveal him as the ass he really is.

"So how's that special new bike working for ya? Is the suspension really that great?"
"That's funny because it's been sitting in the storeroom with flat tires...."
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Old 06-29-05, 08:21 PM   #6
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slip a lock on it to make it unrideable, and see how long it is until he notices! The guy sounds like a total lame-o.

And when flirting with the secretary pool, just be brutally honest about it and they'll figure it out quick enough. Keep asking him to ride, and to all the ladies,

"I keep asking joe schmoe to go riding with me, but he's always making excuses. I don't think he rides very much."

Or, you could do the nice, mentoring thing and make a cyclist out of him.
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Old 06-29-05, 08:39 PM   #7
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Or, you could do the nice, mentoring thing and make a cyclist out of him.
NEGATIVE
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Old 06-29-05, 09:23 PM   #8
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Office grudge match race after work....for ownership of the bikes.
Day of the race, don't commute, drive. After winning, lay the spoils on the parkway and drive over it when you leave.

Or have sex with his secretary on his desk and leave some soiled lycra\gel packs on the floor.

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Old 06-29-05, 09:29 PM   #9
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Trackstand in front of the secretaries. That'll show him....
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Old 06-29-05, 09:32 PM   #10
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pose off.
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Old 06-29-05, 09:33 PM   #11
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Ya know. I am just the kind of guy that lets water seek its own level. People arent stupid (well some are) in general and will know when old fat $ss is lying. He will make a big enough fool out of himself own his own and wont need your help. Best thing to do is just give him the rope and let him hang himself (not literally of course).

What is he going to do when he doesn't have you to compete with when you take another job? Continue to brag - I doubt it. Then everyone will know he is full of crap. Again people aren't that stupid. I say that obviously knowing that some actually are.
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Old 06-29-05, 09:39 PM   #12
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Just wear the tightests spandex you can HOT PINK that'll drive the ladies wild and then ask your boss where are his and make sure your ankels are showing
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Old 06-29-05, 09:54 PM   #13
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put glue into the valve stems of his flat tires
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Old 06-29-05, 09:56 PM   #14
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He's obviously intimidated and/or feels threatened by you or your lifestyle...enjoy it!

I've never seen a bike with an ashtray - where does he mount it?
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Old 06-29-05, 10:43 PM   #15
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prolly glued to the seat, as he never rides it
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Old 06-29-05, 10:44 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclaholic
There's this guy at my work, he sees that the secretaries flirt with me and are impressed by my commuting, he is also an overweight slob that smokes. So he gets on ebay and buys a crappy x-mart full suspension bike, must have been the cheapest on ebay at the time, has it delivered at work and makes a big fuss about it when its delivered, parades it around and says how he rides often and this is an upgrade from his 'old bike without suspension' making a reference to mine... .... I was so p!ssed by that I wanted to smack him in the chops but I didn't say anything because he's my supervisor. Then he tries to impress a few of the singles in our office by telling them how he rides as much as me! So I think to myself yeh, I know how to induce a heart attack in this loser so I say to him "hey, why don't we go for a ride together after work, I know a great hill to try out that suspension" but all I've gotten so far is excuses why he cant go. It's been 3 weeks and the bike is gathering dust in the storeroom, tyres have gone flat, and there's absolutely nothing worth cannibalising on it

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest
Don't let it get to you. Nobody else believes him.
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Old 06-29-05, 10:46 PM   #17
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Post a picture of his bike so we can mock him, then email him a link to the thread!
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Old 06-29-05, 10:50 PM   #18
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Do the right thing and bring him into our cult of cyclenistas. Pull him aside and tell him how he can get way more out of cycling than he even knows.
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Old 06-29-05, 11:20 PM   #19
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ROFL! you guys have me in stitches here. I pictured him waddling around the office in campbell's "full of beans" team lycra and cleats.... nearly choked laughing!!! thanks for the suggestions, don't know what my wife would think of me riding a century on his secretary and leaving the soiled lycra and empty gel paks behind... actually I think I can guess, and I doubt it would be "in the laundry hamper, please!" LOL.

Trekke, I'm a lot like you in my attitude, and thats pretty much what happened. he's made himself the joke of the month around the office. I go to work to earn a living, not to impress anyone with my a$$ in lycra, so I just go about my business. I get the impression that he's insecure, so he over compensates for it in some ways.

Oh well, next week it will be a whole new crowd going "huh?, you cycle to work???? HOW FAR!?!?!?!?!?" ahhh, the joys of commuting
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Old 06-29-05, 11:26 PM   #20
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Post a picture of his bike so we can mock him, then email him a link to the thread!
I just grabbed a few snaps with my phone, not real good quality, but either is the bike. I just want you all to see what a piece of crap this thing is. It's got cranks moulded out of plastic!

I'll upload the pics tonight.
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Old 06-29-05, 11:51 PM   #21
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You need to up the ante. If you don't shave your legs then start... the secretaries will go googly over your muscle definition. The ball is then in his court. Even if he does shave fat, pasty white legs aren't pretty.

I'll tell you this though... after spending a lot of time chatting with my support staff I've discovered that they can't be fooled. They know exactly what's going on at all times. They probably laugh about it later after he talks about riding.
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Old 06-30-05, 01:58 AM   #22
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I doubt he fools anyone, the whole office is probably laughing at him and you just don't realize it.

In fact, why'd he get the bike, perhaps to try to compete with you? And he's not fooling anyone, just looking like an idiot.

Find a way to attach an ash tray to his handlebars, and do that. A dirty one. And take pics, for the co. newsletter!
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Old 06-30-05, 02:06 AM   #23
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Presumably every time you've asked him to ride, you've done it in front of everyone? They should figure it out soon enough.
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Old 06-30-05, 04:00 AM   #24
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Leave a healthy dump on his seat on your last day of work.
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Old 06-30-05, 04:47 AM   #25
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Trekke had the correct answer. If they haven't figured him out by now, they soon will. By the way, do you ride for you or to impress the people in the office?

Let him have his little day to day victories. Everyone will soon figure out who is the true cyclaholic. Those that belong in high places will be invited to such places. Those that try to put themselves in such places will be demoted.
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