Dateline 08/01/02 - In an surprise move designed to once and for all settle recent disagreements by authorities governing sporting competitions over the qualifications by which differing levels of athleticism can be determined across the broad spectrum of competitive venues, the Counsel Representing Athletic Professionals (CRAP) has decided that there will be only one sport in which all persons wishing to be officially recognized as athletes will be allowed to compete. CRAP has set up a website (crapandmorecrap.com) where it will accept input from public, private and individual sources until 12/31/02 for consideration in selecting which sporting event will be sanctioned by CRAP.
A twelve member committee full of CRAP executives will weigh all submitted opinions to narrow the field of possible avenues of athletic competition to three final choices. In true CRAP fashion the winner will be chosen, not by popular public opinion, but instead by drawing straws. All manner of sporting competition not chosen will immediately be banned, those persons continuing to practice unrecognized activities will face stiff civil penalties.
Please be sure to state your case for the sport of your choice at the CRAP website.crapandmorecrap.com