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  1. #1
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

    NAME: Greg Bulmash

    SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: A target for middle management hostility.

    SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

    SIGN HERE: Aries.
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  2. #2
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Chris,

    You are insulting a highly revered American institution, as important as apple pie, the flag, and mother! I have heard some evil remarks in my life about "Mickey D's", but never would such an institution of excellence hire anyone on the basis of their sense of humor!

    I would urge you to click on this valuable website address:

    http://www.mcdonalds.com/corporate/c...niv/index.html

    As you will notice, even Australia has benefited from McDonald's worldwide vision of food excellence.

    Even vegetarians have commented: "I like the McDonald's commitment to putting a pickle slice on every hamburger."

    Please understand, I am not angry with you, I just want you to enjoy the same tasty goodness enjoyed by so many other McDonald's customers worldwide! Happy eating!
    Last edited by LittleBigMan; 04-16-01 at 09:08 PM.

  3. #3
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    Not sure whether you are serious about that or not. Personally I haven't been to a McDonalds in over five years, for no reason other than the quality of the food. Well actually, I did go there once (in '97), but only to eat food I had with me already and bludge off their air-conditioning (we do get some hot days out here).

    Chris
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  4. #4
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Chris L
    Not sure whether you are serious about that or not. Chris
    NOT! LOL

  5. #5
    NOT a weight weenie Hunter's Avatar
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    Good good funny stuff!


  6. #6
    High cholesterol HogWild's Avatar
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    Here's an alternative view of McD.
    http://www.mcspotlight.org/

    Bad for your health, bad for the environment, bad for workers, but great for corporate profits...

    carl

  7. #7
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    I went to a MC D for the first time in years last night, a branch in Cambridge UK. You guys will never believe this, but it had more bike parking spaces than car parking ones.

  8. #8
    Love Me....Love My Bike! aerobat's Avatar
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    Bikes: Giant hybrid, Trek 4500, Cannondale R800 Some commuting 20mi/day, mostly fitness riding - 20-50 mile rides
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    Well McD's should do something for your health by encouraging fitness, their food sure doesn't do it!
    "...perhaps the world needs a little more Canada" - Jean Chretian, 2003.

  9. #9
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    OK Pete, you got me!

    Chris
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  10. #10
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Chris,

    On the McD's website, I liked the part about the "30 resident professors." Professors of what? Pickle placement? How to smile until your face hurts? (I once worked for a place that showed a training video that said I should smile until my face hurt).

    One thing these professors are not, it's nutrition experts!

  11. #11
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    Yeah, I knew someone who worked for one over here. They got the same sort of crap. I've come up with two nicnames for that place. How about "Chew and spew" or "Down and up"?

    Chris
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  12. #12
    It's the fight in the man Rich's Avatar
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    He he...Bless MacDonalds..

    I used to enjoy their Sausage and Egg McMuffin...well, until I turned part time Vegetarian that is...

    Rich
    Making New Zealand a safer place :)

  13. #13
    Senior Member Monkey Spud's Avatar
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    Thats funny chris.. where did you get that from??
    www.foulwords.com

    For the best taste in bad language.

  14. #14
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Guys, when I get a cravin' for McD's tasty goodness, I just use a little self-control, and
    wait until I get home. That's when I break down and reach for a can of lard and a spoon.

  15. #15
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Monkey Spud
    Thats funny chris.. where did you get that from??
    Believe it or not, it came up in a word document when the server at my university crashed at some point last week. In fact, that thing seems to be going down more often than Monica Lewinsky lately!

    Chris
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

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