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Thread: Vulgarity

  1. #1
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    OK folks, what is the most vulgar/disgusting thing you have ever done on a bicycle. Those of you who have weak stomachs may not want to read on here (don't say I didn't warn you!).

    Today I actually threw-up while riding. I kid you not! You see, I currently have a really bad case of the 'flu (I haven't been this sick since Chicken Pox in 1992). So this morning I'm riding into University (yes, I know it's Sunday, but this assignment is not going to finish itself), and I ride over a minor hill.

    At this point I start coughing madly like some kind of ultra fanatical throat-spanky (did I really think of that expression?), and up comes this stuff which, for the sake of those who are still reading my account, I won't describe.

    The thing is, I actually feel much better after doing it (not to mention glad that it didn't happen in a group ride!). Mind you, my voice is still totally f***ed. In fact, a friend thinks I sound like Darth Vader, I think that's going a little far!

    Come over to the dark side, Luke. It is your destiny!

    Chris
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  2. #2
    Carfree since '82. Grrr! JonR's Avatar
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    I've wiped my nose on the back of my glove lots of times, but I think that's pretty common, so maybe it's not vulgar in the sense of "disgusting." :confused:

  3. #3
    Member Green Hornet's Avatar
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    This is a really disgusting thread. I'll feel quite at home here.

    Compared to "snot rockets," drivers who pick their noses without even caring who sees it is just as bad.

  4. #4
    0^0 fubar5's Avatar
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    I never done this, but I've often wondered what the result of someone in the front of a pace-line emitting gas would be.
    Booyah!!

  5. #5
    riding a Pinarello Prince orguasch's Avatar
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    Back in the old country, when I was doing some competitive racing its normal to see cyclist peeing on the bike while riding, and I have done this several times, peeing while riding my bike,
    "Racso", the well oiled machine;)

  6. #6
    Senior Member Cambronne's Avatar
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    Re: This thread.

    Bravo!

    I once was forced to ride up & over a freshly-hit deer, as the traffic had confined me to the shoulder of the roadway. I was headed fast downhill, and had nowhere else to steer.

    It was grizzly... There was a lot of blood and some of the animal's viscera in may path. I rolled up and across her ribcage and landed hard in a debris field of broken automobile trim. I kept the bike upright, but flatted the rear tire when a sliver of aluminium pierced it through.

    I looked down... my bike, my legs, and my shoes were streaked with deer blood. I fixed the flat and continued on my way.

    Upon my return home, my cat followed me around, looking puzzled, as if to say "ho, now... what have YOU killed and eaten?"

  7. #7
    0^0 fubar5's Avatar
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    Originally posted by orguasch
    Back in the old country, when I was doing some competitive racing its normal to see cyclist peeing on the bike while riding, and I have done this several times, peeing while riding my bike,

    Well, I don't think I'd go to the extreme of peeing. I can hold on for a looooong time. I went a whole week once with no action. But I was soooo constipated it wasn't funny.
    Booyah!!

  8. #8
    BikeForums Founder Joe Gardner's Avatar
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    Cambronne, that is nasty!!

  9. #9
    Love Me....Love My Bike! aerobat's Avatar
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    I'm glad I decided to catch up on the forums during my supper break!

    Don't worry, I've got a strong stomach, though!

    "...perhaps the world needs a little more Canada" - Jean Chretian, 2003.

  10. #10
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    After reading posts in the Women's section, thread entitled, "This is Yucky...," I was a little shy about posting in this "Vulgarity" thread. Yet I felt strangely drawn...

    Then I got to thinking, "Well, they (the women) won't click here anyway, the thread title will act as a repellent." But remembering my wife's tendencies toward extreme curiousity, I balked again.
    Then my anti-conscience came back with, "If any of the ladies do show up here, my defense can be to say that I was drawn for the same reason they were."

    Aw, to heck with it, I'm getting confused!

    Actually, the most amazing (let's put it like that) thing I saw was not while riding, but while hiking up Stone Mountain. I won't repeat it here. Let's just say those involved asked me, "Haven't you ever seen [this activity] before?"

    Of course I had. Just never on a rock by a crowded path. Good thing it was dark. Seeing something like that in the daylight might have given me a mini heart attack. Then again, if it were light, I might have seen it more easily and just kept walking briskly. As it was, not being able to clearly make it out, I crept closer and closer to it, cocking my head side to side and squinting to see what it was I was looking at. I was practically on top of them before one of them spoke to me.

    I have since learned that it sometimes pays not to investigate puzzling sounds at night.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Cheryl's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Pete Clark
    After reading posts in the Women's section, thread entitled, "This is Yucky...," I was a little shy about posting in this "Vulgarity" thread. Yet I felt strangely drawn...

    Then I got to thinking, "Well, they (the women) won't click here anyway, the thread title will act as a repellent." But remembering my wife's tendencies toward extreme curiousity, I balked again.
    Then my anti-conscience came back with, "If any of the ladies do show up here, my defense can be to say that I was drawn for the same reason they were."

    Aw, to heck with it, I'm getting confused!

    Actually, the most amazing (let's put it like that) thing I saw was not while riding, but while hiking up Stone Mountain. I won't repeat it here. Let's just say those involved asked me, "Haven't you ever seen [this activity] before?"

    Of course I had. Just never on a rock by a crowded path. Good thing it was dark. Seeing something like that in the daylight might have given me a mini heart attack. Then again, if it were light, I might have seen it more easily and just kept walking briskly. As it was, not being able to clearly make it out, I crept closer and closer to it, cocking my head side to side and squinting to see what it was I was looking at. I was practically on top of them before one of them spoke to me.

    I have since learned that it sometimes pays not to investigate puzzling sounds at night.

    I'm heeerreee! I was "strangely drawn"

    What was it Uncle Petey??? I don't understand.....

    I've hiked up Stone Mt. what were they thinking??? (Rhetorical question)
    Given The Choice of Left, Right or Up, Choose Up!

    :dance:

  12. #12
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Chris L
    OK folks, what is the most vulgar/disgusting thing you have ever done on a bicycle.
    I think, in all honesty, the most disusting thing I have ever done on a bicycle is to fall in behind a smoke-billowing vehicle engaged in maximum acceleration in order to pull on to the road ahead of me.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Cambronne's Avatar
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    Of course, we won't talk about how we cyclists have discovered... accidentally, in most cases... that bugs taste pretty good... Rather sweet.

    Downhill run, deserted tarmac at dawn, accelerating hard, deep in the drops, mouth open, gasping like a sea bass...

    ... and zzzzipp! Gulp!?! Wha' th' ??? Hmmm.... whatever that was that just went down my throat... it wasn't bad at all!

    Of course, my cat has known this simple truth for years... "Hold the M&Ms, boss. Pass the flies."

  14. #14
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    I am thinking at this point, perhaps we could start a thread about
    the various insect dishes that are eaten regularly around the world. Mike could offer some unique contributions on this. I remember a fellow holding up a can with a "serving suggestion" decoratively placed on the label depicting the succulent caterpillars contained inside.

    Today while typing a post, I felt a gnat like creature on my neck. As I instinctively wiped it off, I smelled a powerfully sweet smell like flowers. I sniffed my fingers where the deceased creature's remains were deposited and caught an even stronger, pleasant smell.

    I don't know what kind of bug that was, but it sure didn't have the Darwinian survival-of-the-fittest qualities down pat. That bug would have been the first I would have gobbled down as a bird.

  15. #15
    It's the fight in the man Rich's Avatar
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    Hi Gang,

    The main sport here at the moment is riding the piles of dead cows bodies littering the English countryside...

    Oh, urm, no sorry, hang on a minute, that was a dream I had last night!!!

    Aggghhhgghhggrrrgghhhhhh!

    Rich
    Making New Zealand a safer place :)

  16. #16
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Pete Clark
    That bug would have been the first I would have gobbled down as a bird.
    Originally posted by Ba-Dg-Er
    And as a human?
    As a human, I have a sort of "triage" method for bugs. Like the medical procedure for selecting which injuries among wounded
    are treated with highest priority, I too have a rudimentary selection process.

    If I can spit the bug out, this is my first priority.

    If I cannot spit the bug out, and it's small enough to swallow quickly, down it goes.

    If the bug is too large, or has a stinger, all possible attempts will be made to expel it completely, even if it means stopping. Tasting large bugs, however, is not a pleasure I am often accustomed to dealing with, as the plastic whistle in my teeth usually acts as a deflector and any bug getting past my teeth does not venture far into my mouth.

    My greatest concern about bugs is that I may lose concentration and swerve into traffic. That consideration tends to render most
    bugs more swallowable and therefore more tasty.

    Given my memories of summer automobile trips and the "splat"
    marks from bugs hitting the windshield, I think I am grateful my bicycle rarely goes faster than 25 or 30 miles per hour.

  17. #17
    Just Follow Your Feet! AlphaGeek's Avatar
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    Eeeooww!
    Who knows where those bugs have been!
    Did you wash those bugs before you ate them?!
    Recumbents rock!

  18. #18
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    How about the most vulgar thing you plan to do on your bicycle? Having just learned why bicycle folks wear "those" shorts even when they probably ought not.....I'm thinking about getting some. Perhaps a long jersey will disguise the belly I'm hoping to lose by riding!

  19. #19
    Carfree since '82. Grrr! JonR's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Ba-Dg-Er
    Something about eatting something that has probably landed on numerous unmentionable gross things just doesn't appeal to me!
    I hate to say this, but to judge from what friends in the food preparation and serving industry have told me--you'd better not visit most restaurant kitchens....

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