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  1. #1
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    Help! Mom Will not let me cross the street!

    I am a recreational cyclist and the proud father of a 1 year old little girl. My wife and I recently ordered a bicycle trailer for Maggie to ride in so we can get outside more often. The trailer is due to arrive next week, much to my suprise today my wife hits me with "I do not want you crossing any major streets with Maggie". Fine I wasn't going on the interstate anyway. Then she tells me what major streets are! Come to find out there is a "major" street directly blocking my path to the bicycle trail that runs through my county, andonly happens to be 1 mile from my house.

    Needless to say I am not happy about my wifes epiphany. We argued about it for a while I told her I would walk my bicycle across busy intersections but still she will not budge.

    Has any one got any ideas on how to handle this situation?

    Sincerely
    Bumed out in FL

  2. #2
    Senior Member Dougmt's Avatar
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    Move to Montana. There are no intersections
    Actually why don't you show her the route. Get the big flag for the back of the trailer (call it a racing flag so you don't feel nerdy) OR cross at a light somewhere.. showing her of course so she feels safer. Then, if that doesn't work pout. Tell her that you want to spend time with your girl.. you want to think back, when your 48, standing in a tux, in a church, to the times you spent with YOUR girl while some jerk is putting a ring on her precious finger. Wait.. on second thought your wife is right.. sell that damn trailer you lunatic. What were you thinking!!!! IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER'S SAFETY!!!

    Show her the route, cross at a light, get a flag, have fun, play safe.
    Doug

  3. #3
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    I compared it to putting our daughter in a bubble or a bomb shelter for her first 18 years! That went over like the Hindenburg! Whoops.... Crash and burn!!!

    The problem with my wife is that she is a novice cyclist who has crossed the street in question and it scared her. I can kind of understand with all the idiots on the road today but I feel that if you stay alert and watch what is going on navigating a busy intersection is a piece of cake.

  4. #4
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    Maybe you can invite her along for the first ride with your daughter? Take the inspirations given by Dougmt and then all of you guys go for the first ride. I bet once she sees that it's not as bad as she's thinking it is, she'll calm down. After all, she's a novice rider and not used to the road like you are- she could probably use some support for her rides so she can gain a bit more confidence with riding and ease her fears a bit more. Also, if you see her point of view where's she's coming from and acknowledge her fears, and then approach her from this attitude, she may be more inclined to listen. I don't know how many arguements I've had with people where there's no real winner because we're arguing opposite points of view and neither side is willing to acknowledge the concerns and feelings of the other side.

    Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

    Koffee

  5. #5
    DEADBEEF khuon's Avatar
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    Originally posted by JustTheDude
    Come to find out there is a "major" street directly blocking my path to the bicycle trail that runs through my county, andonly happens to be 1 mile from my house.
    I know it sucks and seems silly and unwarranted but what about loading everything up in the car and driving and parking just on the other side of that intersection? It's a small price to pay for getting to spend some riding time with your daughter.
    1999 K2 OzM 2001 Aegis Aro Svelte OCP Club Member
    "Be liberal in what you accept, and conservative in what you send." -- Jon Postel, RFC1122

  6. #6
    Where did whooooo go nemo's Avatar
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    I have used a bike trailer with my son for 2 years now and we have never even had a close call. It is one of the duo sport yellow and orange trailers has a flag on a 6 ft mast lol. pretty hard to miss and for the last 2 yrs the bike and trailer have n=been our main form of transportation. Now my best friend thinks I am the craziest person in the world for taking my boy riding, she even went so far as to make up an accident that5 she saw involving a bike trailer one day, unfortunately she underestimated my range and i found out the false hood with a few minutes. She feels it is just nuts to take him out in it and he is 4. as long as you are sure you allow plenty of room for the trailer and allow accordingly for the slower take off you will have then there is no reason you can't be as safe as in say a stroller. i suggest you take your wife out and show her there is very little danger, the wrong approach would to say there is none remember the mother- child relationship when you do this as well mothers are more prone to irrational fears over children's safety than fathers are for the most part.
    Just put on your big boy pants and get over it!

  7. #7
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    This is a common hysterical reaction women have. She will get over it eventually (like, maybe in 18 years...)
    Je vais à vélo, donc je suis!

  8. #8
    Gravity Is Yer Friend dirtbikedude's Avatar
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    My wife and I are going to have are first kid in a few months and she, my wife, thinks yours is over reacting. some people will always say , "What if ...?". Is there an intersection you will be crossing at? I can see it now. You will be just about to cross and your wife will see a car 2 miles away and tell ya to wait.

    Hell, my wife and I are already thinking of designing a trailer I could hook to my DH bike to take the kid out Could you imagine all the looks we would get when I launch off a 4' drop? We are seriously cosidering it but not till the kid is a little older.

  9. #9
    Sprockette wabbit's Avatar
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    I agree, maybe if she went with you she wouldn't be so worried. I can understand her worrying, but I think some parents worry way too much.
    You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. That's great...if you want to attract vermin.

  10. #10
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    Originally posted by dirtbikedude
    My wife and I are going to have are first kid in a few months and she, my wife, thinks yours is over reacting..
    LOL....HUGE difference between a woman-pregnant-with-her-first and a Mother(capital M)-with-babe-in-arms. Trust me. Been there, done that.

    Thankfully, that new-parent nervousness wears off in a few years and EVERYone (parents and kid) gets to breath a bit easier.

    Note to JTD...give in on this one thing. Drive to the trail-head as stupid as it sounds. If you push your point and ANY thing (and I do mean any little thing) happens to that kiddo, you will never live it down.

    When your daughter wins the TDF in 20 years (cuz they'll let chicks in by then???) you can pat yourself on the back.

  11. #11
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    The mantra of the Scout Association

    "If I push him, will he break ?"

    NO!

    Parents have to educated over a period of time that you can not wrap ther offspring in aspic.

  12. #12
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    Another suggestion - Go along with your wife - the child will not be permitted to cross any major road in any form of transport. What makes a car safer than a trailer ?

    I had my first major car accidet at 3 weeks old - Cars written off, all adults in hospital for months, so two weeks after leaving hospital following my birth I then spent the next few moths back there being looked after by a team of nurses as there was no-one else to look after me.

    I could just have easily been in a trailer with exactly the same result.

  13. #13
    DEADBEEF khuon's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Brains
    What makes a car safer than a trailer ?
    Nothing. But you pick your battles.
    1999 K2 OzM 2001 Aegis Aro Svelte OCP Club Member
    "Be liberal in what you accept, and conservative in what you send." -- Jon Postel, RFC1122

  14. #14
    Marathon Cyclist MediaCreations's Avatar
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    While I respect the opinion of every one saying to take your wife along with you on the first ride, I'm not so sure that it would have the desired effect.

    If she freaked when crossing the road the last time, she's likely to freak even more when you're there with your child.

    Obviously she sees danger in a situation that you don't. She'll still see that danger if she's there when you're crossing with the trailer. Probably even more so.

    Always remember that you're on the same side. You're both trying to provide what is best for your family - you just have different opinions on how to achieve that result.

  15. #15
    Marathon Cyclist MediaCreations's Avatar
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    Originally posted by khuon
    Nothing. But you pick your battles.
    Good point. As I have heard it said before - don't waste your time fighting a battle you're not prepared to die over. While we should never just give up every time someone gives a contrary opinion - we can sometimes waste too much time and create too much animosity arguing the small things.

    Only you can decide if this is a big thing or a small thing in your family.

  16. #16
    Senior Member danr's Avatar
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    Cut her off until she gives in.
    Does the perfect bike really exist?

  17. #17
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    Originally posted by danr
    Cut her off until she gives in.
    I hope you are joking....you have to be....

    Cut off (your most precious relationship in the world) from what?

    Communication? Your love? Sex?

    For how long? 'til you get your own way?

    WOW.....maybe my married friends are right.....being single ain't so bad!!!!!

    Metal Cowgal

  18. #18
    Marathon Cyclist MediaCreations's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Metal Cowgal
    WOW.....maybe my married friends are right.....being single ain't so bad!!!!!
    You're mixing with the wrong marrieds. While being single isn't such a bad thing - being married is absolutely the best. It has its good and bad times - but so does single life. (Though in my experience single life had more of the bad times and not as many of the goods.)

    Of course my perspective is completely biased because I'm married to the most wonderful woman on the planet.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Dougmt's Avatar
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    "Parents have to educated over a period of time that you can not wrap ther offspring in aspic."

    Ummm, what is "aspic" ???

    I'm getting a picture in my head of wrapping my oldest (10) in asswipe and we ALL know what that is LOL
    Doug

  20. #20
    DEADBEEF khuon's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dougmt

    Ummm, what is "aspic" ???
    Aspic or at least aspic jelly is a meat or fish based gelatinous substance most often used to pack and (I think) preserve various kinds of meat. It's also considered to be a delicacy and sometimes served alongside gourmet dishes although I think it's pretty disgusting to look at. If you've ever opened up a can of Sheba catfood or other similar gourmet catfood, you'll know what I mean. It's funny that one should mention wrapping children in aspic because that's kind of how they look like when they're delivered in the first place.
    Last edited by khuon; 03-10-03 at 02:50 AM.
    1999 K2 OzM 2001 Aegis Aro Svelte OCP Club Member
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  21. #21
    Bike Happy DanFromDetroit's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dougmt
    ...
    Show her the route, cross at a light, get a flag, have fun, play safe.
    Doug
    This is an excellent idea. You should give the flag to your wife and have her stop traffic at the "major" intersections with the flag. In fact maybe she should run in front of you waving the flag and yelling, "Baby aboard trailer !! Make a hole !! Comin' through !!!"


    this is too funny. Thank your wife for a good laugh.


    regards
    Dan
    There is nothing homlier than the face on your last dime.
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  22. #22
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    I am a woman. My kids are 21 and 22. When they were babies, they were often in a child seat on the back of the bike. Before I had kids, and even 8 months pregnant I rode in the street. Once I had the kids, I didn't feel it was right to put their life in danger. My husband and I only rode bike paths and residential streets. I was not a "too protective" mom. I just didn't want the guilt if something bad happened. My kids travel all over the world by themselves. They have been to Peru, Brazil, Panama, Germany, Australia, New Zeland,Costa Rica, Jamacia, Mexico, and Belieze and every state in the U.S. (Probably 10 states that I have not been in). I put them on a plane by themselves at ages of 5 and 6 to visit their grandma in Florida. This is only to show that at some ages, the kids lives are totally in your hands. If you are riding slow and on the bike paths, you wife cold ride behind you on her bike.
    Another suggestion is to load the child carrier with bricks, etc., and ride it childless for a month or so so she can see that nothing bad has happened. This way you will get the heavy workout you want and she will feel safe.

  23. #23
    Are we having fun yet? Prosody's Avatar
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    Originally posted by outashape
    IAnother suggestion is to load the child carrier with bricks, etc., and ride it childless for a month or so so she can see that nothing bad has happened. This way you will get the heavy workout you want and she will feel safe.
    Do what they do to test roller coasters: use sacks of flour. If the sacks break, the trailer is too dangerous.
    You're east of East St. Louis
    And the wind is making speeches.

  24. #24
    0^0 fubar5's Avatar
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    Here comes the classic line everybody, brace yourselves...

    Sucks to be you dude.

    I don't think she will give in very easily if she knows what it is like to cross a road. For years my mom wouldn't let me ride anywhere by myself because she was afraid I would get "kidnapped and chopped into bits and she would never know what happened to me". I'm not quite sure why she has let me ride by myself now..But it took me 4 years to negotiate that deal.

    Is there a light where you can cross at???
    Booyah!!

  25. #25
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    Let your wife pull the trailer, while you ride behind, positioning yourself between the trailer and the traffic. That way you can also advise you wife on avoiding obstacles, changing gear etc. Keep to quiet roads and trails until her confidence builds.

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