You know when your bike is a beater when...
 

An aquaintance of mine, buys the absolute cheapest bikes he can find for commutes to the university and back. This got me thinking along the lines of "you know you have a beater bike when..." A couple examples.

You know you have a beater bike when:

The stem-mounted friction shifters break off the stem due to rust.
Indexed shifting? Nope. I have indexed *steering* due to bearing pitting.
The corking on the handlebars has long since rotted away, replaced by duct tape.
The frame of the bike is either some steel alloy... or was just shipped as rust pressed into a form of a tube.

I have broken spokes zip tied to the hub :eek:
3rd gear jumps off the cog so I can skip over it without
missing a beat :D

When sometime during the day, you realize you forgot to lock up your bike. When you get outside (11 hours later), the bike next to yours has been stripped completely, so there's just a frame left, but they didn't even bother to take your water bottle.

... and you look at the stripped frame and say, "Hmm, I might be able to use that."

The ultimate test of bicycle ghetto-ness was the number of days it could sit out front of Union Station unlocked before someone stole it.

On the actual test, I believe it took about four days. And this was a bike that originally cost over five hundred bucks. It had experienced quite a bit of visible depreciation.

When your 6' tall and your riding a pink girls bike, designed for a 10 year old, with a little flowered basket on the front?

Saw that on a bike path last weekend. Im assuming it was stolen, or a loaner.

...your wife says, "Honey, don't you need a new bike?"

:D That is the ultimate answer right there :D

When bike thieves leave parts from the bike they've stripped next to yours with a note saying, "Thought you could use these."

You know your bike's a beater when you beat someone with it. Not in a race. You actually pick the bike up and beat someone with it. Then you ride on-

...thieves steal your lock, but leave your bike.

Or.........

You don't care if they take the bike, but you hope they leave the lock behind.:)

You can no longer read the original manufacturer's name on the tubing, and it's never been painted.

...you see homeless people with nicer bikes than you

(seriously, where do these people get them?)

When your locks cost 4x more than the bike.

When the local mutt won't even lift a leg on your tires, assuming there are two.

When horizontal is an acceptable storage position.

When the majority of the fasteners on the bike came from something else, or were made for a different application, ie. hose clamps, copper wire, visegrips, zipties, JB Weld, underwear elastic, etc.

When you try to lend the bike to someone truly needy of some transportation, and they reply "No, I'm cool, really...".

When you agree to lend the bike to someone, and briefly consider asking them to sign a waiver.

You leave the bike unlocked, it's stolen, then RETURNED because it's so crappy. (This actually happened to a friend of mine)

I did actually buy my girlfriend a lock which cost three times more than she paid for the bike... but the lock was on 40% off... So it would've otherwise been five or six times more.

She recently gave the bike away but kept the lock.