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Old 05-30-03, 04:58 PM   #1
N_C
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Fellow cyclist committed suicide today.

To protect and respect the privacy of his family I won't post his name or the detail of the suicide. But I will share my memories of knowing this person.

My wife and I went down to our LBS after work because her new shoes came in and she wanted to try them on to make sure they fit. This is when we found out.

He was more then a fellow cyclist though. He was the first person in the bike club I met and talked to and the first person to invite me to join the club.

It was about 7 years ago I went out to ride on a Thurs evening by myself. I came upon a large group of riders. I rode up along side a couple on a Tandem, said hello, introduced myself and asked him why everyone was riding. Meanin was it a organized ride, etc? He introduced himself and his wife and said no this is the Siouxland Cyclists bike club and told it was the regular Thurs, Night ride & they were heading to Jefferson and back. And they invited me to join them. So I did. After we all got back to where the ride started he and his wife talked to me and invited me to join the club. Shortly after that I did.

From what I understand he has been a customer or the LBS since he was a young boy. Everyone who knew him loved him. He had also been a long time member of the bike club and part of our board of directors. Cycling was a passion of his. It was a great part of his life.

He was always an upbeat and very positive person who never spoke ill of anyone. At least I never heard him do so. If you were in a down and depressed mood he would do what it took to cheer you up.

He meant a lot to a lot of people who knew him.

This is what makes this so hard to accept. Apparently he has been suffering from depression for a while because of stressful and tragic events that have happened in his and his wife's lives over the past year or so. I don't think anyone knew this was going to happen until it was to late.

Not only was he a member of the bike club but he was also in the 185th National Air Guard. So he is also a Veteran.

I have been going through a whole mix of emotions adn questions in thinking about and dealing with this since I found out & I've only known him for about 7 years. Including: anger, sadness, concern for his family, questioning why it happened, why didn't he get helo, talk to someone, etc.


I know what it is like to be depressed and suicidal. I've had to deal with it myself. I got help because I reached out. Certain members here in these forums that know me from another cycling forum know what I am talking about. Depression and suicidal thoughts are nothing to be taken lightly folks. If you are ever feeling this way please get help anyway you can. Who knows if I would have actually gone through and carried out my thoughts of suicide had I not reached out and received help for my depression. I try not to think about it to much. And I feel I'm a stronger person for getting the help I needed today. We all have tragic events and problems to deal with in our lives. But we need to make sure we deal with them the correct way. Suicide is never the answer.

Thank you for reading this. Please keep him and his family in your prayers.

John.
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Old 05-30-03, 05:09 PM   #2
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Thank you for posting what had to be an emotionally difficult message to write. Although I am apparently blessed with a surplus of serotonin, I have several valued friends, relatives, and inlaws for whom depression has been, or is, a significant challenge. Watching them more closely and arranging help for them is perhaps the best tribute I can pay to your friend.

Your friend's suicide shakes my long-held confidence that aerobic exercise can render one immune to depression, although I still believe endorphins are beneficial.
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Old 05-30-03, 05:36 PM   #3
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I don't know what to say!

In fact, it's hard to know how to talk to someone who's going through depression. I guess the important thing to know is that
anyone can be going through tremendous trials and you might not even know it, even though they are sitting right next to you.

I went through some tough times and I can say that it was the people in my life (and God) who reached out to me and kept me
sane. Eventually I got through those years, but it has taught me that when the going gets tough, you don't have to go it alone.
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Old 05-30-03, 07:06 PM   #4
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Thank you for letting us know about you're friend. One good thing I personaly got out of the story is if you get depressed/suicidal seek help! This might seem like a simple thing, but is not really. I have fallen into a depression in the past due to things happening in my life not to the point of being suicidal. I probably should have seeked help at that time, would have been alot easier and not lasted as long as it did.
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Old 05-30-03, 07:53 PM   #5
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Life is tough .... different things are happening to different people. In this part of the world, there's SARS, in other parts of the world, there's poverty ..... I don't think I can really blame the person for committing suicide, he's suffering from depression and he have definitely been through a lot. It's sad to hear that someone just committed suicide, it's just a selfish act. The world today is just too stressed up, you can't really blame anyone for anything. I just hope everyone take life in a more positive way and maybe then everyone would be simpler. Talk is easy, but can that really enter into our lives?
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Old 05-30-03, 07:58 PM   #6
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Originally posted by N_C Thank you for reading this. Please keep him and his family in your prayers.
John. [/B]
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Old 05-30-03, 08:02 PM   #7
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I am very sorry for your loss.
I lost my father 2 weeks ago and can understand the many mixed emotions although not those related to suicide.
I have felt thoughts of depression and suicide in my life but never so serious to seek help.
I have found myself seeing a therapist for almost 4 years now. Comments here about not knowing what a person is feeling even when they are right next to you...I walked around for years being numb but everyone saw a smiling helpful caring person. They couldn't see the pain masked inside.

I found excercise(spinning and nautilus and more) to help while going through therapy. But the most important thing was "sitting naked in the snow". In other words exposing your true inner self and feelings and emotions. I actually sat naked in the snow and near zero tempts. And through therapy did the same with emotions.
Still growing and learning and just a child at 46.
Being a human being can be so complex. Sometimes I wish I were a fish. But then a fish can't appreciate the wonderful emotions of happiness, joy and laughter.

My prayers for your loss and his family.
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Old 05-30-03, 09:02 PM   #8
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Being a human being can be so complex. Sometimes I wish I were a fish. But then a fish can't appreciate the wonderful emotions of happiness, joy and laughter.
Well, nobody really knows what fish are feeling either, but I digress.

Unfortunately getting help seems to be the biggest obstacle to overcome in dealing with depression. I say that as someone who's never felt this type of depression, but as someone who grew up with the whole "boys don't cry" rubbish. Society seems to have developed in such a way that many people think it's better to hide their emotions rather than try to express them. This is clearly wrong.

It sounds to me like this guy might have felt the same way. Maybe he felt there were too many people depending on him to be able to express the way he was truly feeling. When we're busy we all tend to overlook things we should be taking seriously, and something like depression can really build up if it's not dealt with in time. Of course, this is all speculation, I doubt anybody knows the real cause.

Either way, give my condolensces to his family.
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Old 05-30-03, 09:08 PM   #9
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Thanks for the post and opening yourself up the way you did. You are right. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that reaching out and asking for help is the right thing to do; you know that from experience.

Sorry about your friend.
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Old 05-30-03, 09:28 PM   #10
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Having suffered from deep depression myself it is easy to judge people when these things happen but when you are in the pits of deep despair you are not thinking normally. I thank God and my parents for my deep religious beliefs that I knew that God had better things for me and that lead me to my path of recovery but not until I was almost ready to give it all up. I pray for him , his family and the community he touched. He sounds like he was a very important person in the community and he didn't even realize it. Always keep the positive memories of him close to your heart because it will keep that part of him alive. My thoughts will be with you all in Sioux City as I ride this weekend.

Peace David
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Old 05-30-03, 09:32 PM   #11
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Sorry for your loss, and I'm sure there are many people in this person's circle of friends who will miss him.
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Old 05-30-03, 10:11 PM   #12
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Just thinking about the hurt that this guy must of been feeling makes me teary-eyed. I myself have been through the ups and downs of getting depressed and all, and it can get pretty nasty in the head. The youth of today often face this issue, and that is the reason I got behind the Yellow Ribon programme with the motto: "It's OK to ask for help", and I cannot say to everyone enough - no matter how bad things seem to get, just hang in there, and ask for help. All of you BF members realise that I hope, so that we can avoid this tragedy. I may be on the other side of the world but I hope I can influence you all to take this important message on board.

Remember hugs all round and be there for each other.

Condolensces to all his much loved friends and family

God Bless
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Old 05-31-03, 01:35 AM   #13
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss.. Part of the reason I believe in exercise is how helpful it was to me in coping with a divorce, a terminally sick parent and lousy boss; that ended up going through 43 employees in almost 3 years.
Before exercise, I wondered if I would work my way through this evalanche of misfortune. If only we could read minds we might be able to help these really depressed persons.
All I can say, there gets a state where problems seem too intense and there is no way out. We can only try to understand and say if only we knew. But we didn't and could not.
By riding with emotionally challenged people, you probably helped prolong his life.
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Old 05-31-03, 04:46 PM   #14
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Sorry to hear about your friend. My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family, as well as his family.

R.I.P.

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Old 05-31-03, 07:05 PM   #15
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three years and half ago, my youngest son Miguel met an accident and I was blaming myself for that freak accident, he lost all is right fingers, all his left toes and his right nipples from coffee burn, (and its my coffee he grab my coffee from my table I didn't notice it until it was too late) I was really blaming myself, and I was in the verge of taking my own life, I was on a suicide watch I don't know how I was able to go over the hump but until now when I see my son sleeping I would always whisper to his ears and would repeatedly say "Son I am sorry, I am really sorry", how stupid can i be, and for what happen to him I can't reconcile myself and I keep blaming myself. That's why, Miguel with me "he can get away with murder "
Last May 15, I went to Bloor Macmillan Rehabilation Hospital, and I went to see a Phyisiotherapist, and this Therapist lend Miguel a Kiddie Bike, and would you believe even without his right finger to hold the bike handle he can ride it using only his left hand,
I am so happy for him I am so happy. I was telling my wife, that if I can afford to buy an expensive bike, I will buy him a very nice Italian Bike. My wife has really help me pick up the pieces.
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Old 05-31-03, 07:07 PM   #16
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Sorry I forgot to mention he met the accident when he was 14 month old now he is five years old and he is in Senior kindergarden, he is very adorable....
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Old 06-01-03, 06:13 PM   #17
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Posts like this hit close to home for me. My prayers go out to the friends and family left behind and the sorrow I feel for the person who felt that this was their only escape from the pain/issues in their life.

I lost my mother to suicide when I was 16 (25 years ago now). It is still unfortunate that there is such a stigma applied to suicide and the way people interact with the survivors. At least things are a bit better now than they were when I was thrown into dealing with a suicide.

I can look back and see that it would have done me a world of good to talk about my feelings about what happened and I would recommend that people stay in touch with the survivors of this tragic event and do what they can to comfort those left behind. Death is hard to deal with in itself without the added burden of guilt/anger or any of the other emotions loved ones will feel from a suicide.

I did a quick search on the net for suicide support groups in that area and found a number. Sioux City: 712-276-7319
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Old 06-01-03, 07:18 PM   #18
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I only hope your posting of this awful event can help some one else avoid it. Thank you and I'm sorry.

Joe
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Old 06-01-03, 07:48 PM   #19
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I only hope your posting of this awful event can help some one else avoid it. Thank you and I'm sorry.

Joe
It is very important to understand the true nature of things and mind.
According to parts of Buddhist philosophy, the biggest problem responsible for humans suffering - is ignorance.

Learn more about yourself, learn what distracts and affect your perception of the world. Learn to master your thoughts and control your mind.
Yoga - is one of the ways to achieve this.

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Old 06-01-03, 08:30 PM   #20
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our prayers and condolences
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Old 06-01-03, 08:42 PM   #21
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Sorry to hear.
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