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  1. #1
    Senior Member cyclezealot's Avatar
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    Non-cycling Spouses.

    It is a Sunday morning. It is very nice out. I bought my spouse a great commuter bike. Years ago, she wanted one for errands. Well, I have since gotten hooked on cycling. If I do not get in at least 500 miles a month, I am pretty ticked and show it. The kind of bikes I have purchased, I do not acquire the kinds of bikes I have If I am not hooked.
    So your wife won't go out with you,and says, do you have to do that every day, what about the yard. What is your response. ?Think I am fair, I take short rides often so whole day is not taken up. Guess, If we did go away for a weekend, I would have to take my bike with me. Luckily some friends we go visit are cycleaholics, also.

  2. #2
    Member Jon T.'s Avatar
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    Short rides I can do no prob. It's the big rides that take some negotiating with the wife. It usually involves some kind of trade-off. Like last Thursday, I went riding for about 9 hrs. got back home around 8pm. Friday belonged entirely to her. We did exactly what she wanted to do. Which ended up being me watching kids all day while she went to Phoenix and didn't come back till 1:30am.

    Sounds fair to me!

    I am going to get her a bike soon though. I'd love to ride with her one day. I also can't wait till my oldest kid gets big enough for BMX!!
    "Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be achieved by understanding." -Albert Einstein

  3. #3
    Chicago Cyclist ViciousCycle's Avatar
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    Originally posted by cyclezealot
    So your wife won't go out with you,and says, do you have to do that every day, what about the yard.
    There's a lot to be said for small yards. I wouldn't want to give up my small yard for one that requires a lot of maintenance.

    River Forest, Illinois is an affluent suburb that has massive residential lawns. Many hours a months are spent cutting the grass, etc. Yet none of the residents use their yard at all. You'd never catch them eating at a picnic table on a beautiful summer evening. You'd never catch them with any kids playing in the yard. You'd never even see anyone swinging in a hammock. It's ironic that a small fortune is paid out every month to have these yards maintained and no one ever uses them.

    If one spends more time maintaining a yard than enjoying it, then the yard is too big.

    Luckily, my spouse and I share similar views om both bicycles and yards.....
    The Easter Island people were clever, but their civilization collapsed after they chopped down the last tree on their island. You can't be 'resourceful' if you've used up all of your resources.

  4. #4
    Newbie bvelo's Avatar
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    Maybe this is why I am still single. But, If you are on your bike for a few hours a day so what. Your wife should either have her own thing she likes that much, join you, or deal with it. In the long run it makes you who you are, and you would be a different person if you didn't do it.
    My Pop ran 2 hours every night after work for almost 20 years. My Mom hated it, but now my Dad it a healthy older fellow who will probably live a lot longer than he would have if he had let her cut into his running time.
    bvelo
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  5. #5
    dark and cynical PapeteeBooh's Avatar
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    Originally posted by cyclezealot
    So your wife won't go out with you,and says, do you have to do that every day, what about the yard. What is your response. ?
    Convert them or divorce them

  6. #6
    Senior Member s_boy's Avatar
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    Originally posted by PapeteeBooh


    Convert them or divorce them
    till death do us part... and I meant every word of it!
    if you don't belive in something... you'll fall for anything
    ~b.dylan~

  7. #7
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    Try riding with a luggage rack and panniers. Turn weekday rides into a shopping trips, and save your wife the trouble of running errands. Im sure she will see the advantages.

  8. #8
    human velocipedio's Avatar
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    You're going to hate me...

    My partner loves cycling. I don't ride with her every day, but we do about 200 km together every week. [She'll go on her solo rides, and I'll go on mine at other times during the week].

    She also really like electric guitars.

    Heaven.
    when walking, just walk. when sitting, just sit. when riding, just ride. above all, don't wobble.

    The Irregular Cycling Club of Montreal
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  9. #9
    Banned. DnvrFox's Avatar
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    Regarding wives.

    My wife started riding at 61, and just love(d)s it. She and I regularly did 20-25 mile rides, including Vail Pass (Frisco - Copper Mountain - Vail Pass and down the other side just a bit ad return). Just this last year we got a Cannondale Roadie in addition to her Specialized HR.

    Very sadly, complications from knee surgery (totally unrelated to biking) led to her back going completely out and intense and continuous pain, including her SI joint. Biking is one of the things you don't do when trying to get a SI joint to rehabiliiate. So, no biking this summer.

    But, she is walking 5 miles per day, and things just look hopeful for next summer.

    Tell your wives that if my wife can learn to ride a bike at age 61, they can do it also, and it is the most wonderful exercise there is. And, don't wait too long!!

  10. #10
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    Chris L has yet to find a potential spouse that understands his cycling addiction. Until this happens, Chris L will remain single.

    Chris
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
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  11. #11
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Hope your wife heals fast, Denver Fox! You guys are an inspiration.

    Cyclezealot...

    I get in my 110 - 145 miles per week commuting to work on my bike. It takes longer than driving (for my 13 - 16 mile trip, about 15 minutes longer). But who's going to miss 15 minutes a day?

    Leaves lots of free time for other things...

  12. #12
    Love Me....Love My Bike! aerobat's Avatar
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    You took the words right out of my mouth, Pete! But then it always is hard to beat you to the punch!

    Commuting does go a long way to scratching that cycling itch, especially if you can supplement it with the occasional longer/different ride. Maybe your spouse will go on those other rides, or some of them, with you, on her commuter.

    Maybe as some have suggested, you can point out the health and convenience benefits to her. Point to some out of shape person and mention that you might look like that if you quit. If it's done in a constructive way, she might see the light!

    Some of you single guys should understand the fact that it's not always quite as simple as getting them to deal with it or getting rid of them (I also realize it may have been said somewhat tongue in cheek). Sometimes the cycling bug came along after the marriage, and there are always other circumstances to consider. There are many sides to a relationship.
    Anyway Cyclezealot, good luck!!!
    "...perhaps the world needs a little more Canada" - Jean Chretian, 2003.

  13. #13
    Those that can do, do do
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    Originally posted by velocipedio
    You're going to hate me...

    My partner loves cycling. I don't ride with her every day, but we do about 200 km together every week. [She'll go on her solo rides, and I'll go on mine at other times during the week].

    She also really like electric guitars.

    Heaven.
    We don't hate you, we want to be just like you when we grow up. Sounds like you got a keeper!

    My wife tolerates the bikes and the guitars. I would love to get her riding with me. The guitars she married, so she doesn't say too much when I get loud or gotta have another one.

    I think I'm wearing her down with the look Honey riding is really healthy and FUN too. Rare to find both at the same time!!

    By and large she is a great gal.
    JAPH

  14. #14
    Love Me....Love My Bike! aerobat's Avatar
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    "But then it always is hard to beat you to the
    punch!"
    Sorry, Pete, I posted this before I heard about your accident!
    "...perhaps the world needs a little more Canada" - Jean Chretian, 2003.

  15. #15
    Chicago Cyclist ViciousCycle's Avatar
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    The fact that my spouse and I both love cycling is a bug plus in our marriage. The simple act of transportation becomes quality time together.

    I suspect that the automobile has played a big role in divorces and/or marital problems:
    1. You don't get much quality time with your spouse if much of the time you spend with your spouse is travelling inside a vehicle. Traffic jams are unromantic.
    2. Automobiles and all of their related expenses can be an enormous strain on one's budget, and couples often fight about money.
    3. Automobiles make it easy for a disgruntled partner to pack up and away and "start over." (It amazes me how many ****ed miles some divorcees drive in order to exercise their visitation rights to see their kids. (And woe to the kids who will have a lot of memories of sitting with a parent in a traffic jam.)
    The Easter Island people were clever, but their civilization collapsed after they chopped down the last tree on their island. You can't be 'resourceful' if you've used up all of your resources.

  16. #16
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    My wife gave me an ultimatum ! you choose me or your bike !

    I chose the bike!

    willic

  17. #17
    Senior Member cyclezealot's Avatar
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    Pete. My wife has not been nasty about my need to ride 600-900 miles a month. But her non-nasty comments do come out from time to time. I am lucky in that I work odd days on/off and can get my miles in when she is at work.
    To work regular days-only 2 off and on every weekend off would be a threat to me. I work like fire department shifts. I like it. All the time off. But still have to ride some weekends. Long ride Saturday/short Sunday. I plead with her to go riding with me. With my shifts,so far not a threat to our marriage. But I could not give up my cycling.
    I do commute to work. My work is 26 miles one way. 52 mile ride to work seems a lot to commute more than once a week. Ride to work once a week. But 12.5 hour shifts daylignt/night weather facrtors can cut into the number of times I feel I can commute to work. Usually commute midnights,oddly enough.( Daylight on both ends of commute.)
    It is not a threat to my marriage, but my main point- how can you entice someone to take up cycling,when they resist. I figure since I have been commuting to work the past three years, once a week; I have saved something like 5,000 miles on my car.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Greg's Avatar
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    Cyclezealot, I know your pain. I'd be on the bike at any spare moment if it wasn't for the wife. I love her dearly but she's not one for punishing her body for personal gain. She really feels I'm not well. Her loss.

    Jon T., a nine hour ride? I'd come home to new locks and she'd be banging the gardener.

  19. #19
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Hey Guys! This is Pete's wife Toni.

    I'm happy Pete has his own intrests. I believe it is very important that I have my intrest and Pete has his. As long as we don't let it come between our marriage. I can't imagine anyone letting a "bike" or any onther hobby come between a relationship. Makes one wonder what the relationship was built on and how important was it? I think the word that comes to mind for me is compromise! When a man or woman can put his or her spouse before him/her (once in a while) you grow stronger together. From a woman's point of view, that rocks!! And he will be a happy man!

    Don't be afraid to give a little...don't be selfish....it's also ok to agree to disagree as long as your world dosen't fall apart because of inanimate objects.

    Hey! can a bike keep you warm at night??? And he shares his "bike forums" with me!
    Last edited by LittleBigMan; 09-06-01 at 06:09 PM.

  20. #20
    Sumanitu taka owaci LittleBigMan's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Pete Clark
    Hey! can a bike keep you warm at night???
    Hmmm...

    Let me think about that a minute...



    Be there in a sec, hon!

  21. #21
    human velocipedio's Avatar
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    Cycling a "hobby?" Excuse me?

    Pete, when were you planning on telling your lovely wife about the whole "way-of-life" thing and that cycling isn't something you do, but who you are? I think you have some 'splainin' to do...




    ;-)
    when walking, just walk. when sitting, just sit. when riding, just ride. above all, don't wobble.

    The Irregular Cycling Club of Montreal
    Cycling irregularly since 2002

  22. #22
    grouchy bookseller HillaryRose's Avatar
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    Okay, I think I'm going to play devil's advocate here, just for the heck of it. As a female, there is one thing I thought immediately when I read "What about the yard?". Statistically speaking, the average female does far, far more work around the house than the male of the species. I'm sure that many of the men around the forums wouldn't leave their beloveds with such burdens, and I'm even sure that there are a few hardly male souls who do the majority of the housework but Joe Average certainly gives his wife Jane Average the short end of the stick as far as housework goes, even though they might work the same hours. So, guys, if you're leaving your wife to do the majority of the housework while you go off and cycle, then she does, in my mind, have a valid right to complain. Ask her, does she feel overwhelmed? A lot of American women do with all they have to do between work, family and house. If she says yes, then maybe it would be polite of you to see that the yard is mowed before you take off for the trail. Of course, if you really, truly do 50% of the work around the place, or she doesn't work outside of the house, then that's a different story.

    As for myself, I've been lucky for a long time. My spouse works, i've been free to pursue a part time art career. I do the vast majority of all housework, but this is in trade for not having to go out and work at some loathesome job (which is about all I'm qualified for at this point). Then, when he comes home from work, we go out and cycle and do other stuff together. This may change though. My husband was laid off recently and I'm looking for a job now. Even if he gets employed again quickly, I think I may still find a job, just so that I can pay off some of our student loan debts and the car debt more quickly. We'll see how this works out....
    Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.

    Pohl's Law

  23. #23
    human velocipedio's Avatar
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    Interesting perspective HillaryRose. I don't think any of us GUYS wqould've formulated it that way [duh!]

    On the other hand, I suspect you'll find few "average Joes" around here. :-)

    In my case, my partner is a cyclist and loves cycling. We also share the housework. Actually, she probably does a bit more than I do, but I think I make it up by being in charge of bicycle maintenance -- and we have six bikes between us!

    Our big issue is ride time, and think she's a very tiny bit jealous of the guys I do big rides with on the weekends. The truth is that she simply isn't strong enough -- yet -- to keep up with us at 40 km/h for 100 km [cruise, not average], and that bothers her. But she's getting stronger, and if they guys can clean up their language, she'd be a great addition to the peleton one of these days.

    The other thing is that I sometimes take a ride too seriously. On occasion, I have taken the fun out of it with my singleminded training ways. I'm glad she's there to get me to ease up to 30 km/h and watch the flowers go by.
    when walking, just walk. when sitting, just sit. when riding, just ride. above all, don't wobble.

    The Irregular Cycling Club of Montreal
    Cycling irregularly since 2002

  24. #24
    The Flying Scot chewa's Avatar
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    I'm lucky in that Sandra also likes cycling. She sometimes cycles out part of the way from home to meet me on the ride back. And she loves touring!
    plus je vois les hommes, plus j'admire les chiens

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  25. #25
    NCAA - DUAL CHAMPIONS! a2psyklnut's Avatar
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    Sounds like I'm also one of the "lucky ones". My wife is as much of a fanatic as I am. We have eight bikes between us. She has a road bike, two mountain bikes, I have a road bike(in pieces right now) and two mountain bikes, I have a BMX cruiser, and we both share an old beat up Schwinn Tandem that I've been promising to restore one day!

    I am however, going through a period where she is complaining about me going riding. You see, she hurt her knee during our last mountain biking vacation as has been off the bike for about 9 weeks now. It's driving her crazy!! She only gets to ride the trainer for 45 minutes and just to spin. The therapists warned her not to go hard for at least another month. So as a result, when I told her I was thinking of going riding on Sunday, she had a fit!!! Mostly because she can't join me and it's driving her bonkers.

    Besides this period in time, she's pretty understandable. She does get a little jealouse sometimes, but know's how important cycling is to me. And she, like Pete's wife, understands the give and take necessary to make a marriage work.

    With that, I just decided to change my plans and go riding before Church so we can spend the afternoon together.

    L8R G8R
    "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW, What a Ride!" - unknown
    "Your Bike Sucks" - Sky Yaeger

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