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  1. #1
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    Stuff White People Like: #67 - The Bicycle

    http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpres...0/61-bicycles/
    #61 Bicycles

    February 10, 2008 by clander

    A good place to find white people on a Saturday is at a Bike Shop. Bike shops are almost entirely staffed and patronized by white people!

    But not all white people love bicycles in the same way, there is much diversity. First up, we have the younger urban white folks who absolutely love their fixed gear bicycles. These are seen all over college towns, Silverlake in LA, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Queen West in Toronto, and Victoria, British Columbia. Fixed gear bicycles meet a lot of requirements for white person acceptance. They can be made from older (i.e. vintage) bicycles, thus allowing the rider to have a unique bike that is unlikely to be ridden by anyone else in town. They are also easily customizable with expensive things Aerospoke rims, Phil Wood Hubs, and Nitto Parts. The combination of rare bicycles and expensive parts makes it easy for white people to judge other white people on the quality and originality of their bicycles. This is important in determining if someone is or isn’t cooler than you.

    White people also like Mountain Bikes because it lets them be in nature. It’s really not more complicated than that.

    And finally, they love expensive Road Bikes and the accompanying spandex uniforms. This enables them to ride long distances and wear really tight clothes without any social stigmas. These types of riders will spend upwards of $5,000 on a bicycle and up to $400 on accessories, but will not ride to work. Perhaps because they cannot wear the spandex. It is important that you never question why someone needs a $5000 bicycle since the answer is always “performance.”

    For the most part, these rules have been unisex. But there is a special category of bicycles that appeal far more to white women, the European city bike (pictured). White women have a lot of fantasies about idealized lives, and one of them is living in Europe and riding around an old city on one of these bikes. They dream about waking up and riding to a little cafe, then visiting bakeries and cheese shops and finally riding home to prepare a fancy meal for their friends who will all eat under a canopy with white Christmas lights. This information can be used to help gain the trust/admiration of a white woman, especially if you can pull off a lie about how your mother told you about how she used to do all of these things when she was younger.

    And of course, it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to talk about how they are saving the earth. If you know a person who rides to work, you should take them aside and say “Hey, thanks. Sincerely, The Earth.” Then give a thumbs up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.
    Funny! I got a chuckle out of it. The whole blog is hilarious as long as you don't take it too seriously.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Azndude51's Avatar
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    Being that I'm almost always the only non-white person at my group rides, I would say that there is some truth to this.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Garfield Cat's Avatar
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    Maybe some states are more diversified. I think the bike thing is more an economic thing. Those with discretionary income will spend on things like biking and fitness centers. The "white" can also mean white on the inside like the oreo cookie, the banana, the coconut. Black, yellow, brown.

  4. #4
    Pedal pusher... alicestrong's Avatar
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    ...dissin' the white girls again...hey check P&R they are having a lot of fun with this over there...
    May you live long, live strong, and live happy!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Paul L.'s Avatar
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    Hey, I'll have you know there are a bunch of Latino's here who ride bikes. They do not hang out at bike shops though, more like walmart. I think what he says is true of "Bike Shop" bikes but not necessarily cheaper bikes.
    Sunrise saturday,
    I was biking the backroads,
    lost in the moment.

  6. #6
    Cycle Dallas MMACH 5's Avatar
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    This reminds me of a Martin Mull bit, back in the late '70s. It was something like "Being white means..."

    The one I remember is "Being white means being able to put a piece of cheese between two slices of bread and calling it a sandwich."
    I had to laugh because I can't tell you how many of those "sandwiches" I watched my dad throw together and devour with a can of Dr. Pepper.
    That's gonna leave a mark.

  7. #7
    Pedal pusher... alicestrong's Avatar
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    mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...Dr. Pepper...
    May you live long, live strong, and live happy!

  8. #8
    Keep it greasy.
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    I got a chuckle out of a few of the posts. Then I kept reading, and a sense of dread crept in.
    I like nearly everything listed in the entire blog.
    I'm not sure whether to be scared or amused.

  9. #9
    Spelling Snob Hobartlemagne's Avatar
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    I don't think its funny.

    The first rule of flats is You don't talk about flats!

  10. #10
    WNG
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    Spin Forest! Spin! WNG's Avatar
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    Damn, that was hilarious!

    Must check out the rest of that blog.

    Life is too short to be so serious. One must learn to laugh at oneself.
    “You meet the nicest people on two wheels!"
    "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." ~Albert Einstein

  11. #11
    Dr.Deltron
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    Quote Originally Posted by WNG View Post
    Damn, that was hilarious!
    Life is too short to be so serious. One must learn to laugh at oneself.
    +10!

    Hence, my afinity for recumbents.

  12. #12
    Pedal pusher... alicestrong's Avatar
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    I like dutch bikes and those little white lights on strings

    liberal arts degree


  13. #13
    Beer-fueled
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    Quote Originally Posted by WNG View Post
    Life is too short to be so serious. One must learn to laugh at oneself.
    +10000000. Anyone else find their clipless rites more hilarious than everyone around them?

    SWPL is an awesome blog.

  14. #14
    Ridin' Velomancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azndude51 View Post
    Being that I'm almost always the only non-white person at my group rides, I would say that there is some truth to this.
    ...and I'm usually they only white person in my group

  15. #15
    Senior Member DieselDan's Avatar
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    How racist is this thread? How far off the point is it? A good third of my customers is African-American. We also sell to a big group of Hispanics that usually buy high end road racing gear. My assembler is black as well.

    Top it off, I'm in South Carolina, which isn't really know for racial harmony.
    Bikes use brakes to stop.

    If your bike has breaks, don't ride it.

  16. #16
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    I dont think its racist, but around here its true...except walmart LOL. Most bike shops ive been in here ONLY have higher end bikes, but they also seem to be in slightly higher end neighborhoods, the shop I frequent most is in a community that is probably overly white, for whatever reasons.

    I dont care WHO is in the bike shop though, its one more person on a bike

  17. #17
    Senior Member Tapeworm21's Avatar
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    The only rebuttal I can think of:

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=hQGLNPJ9VCE
    2009 Specialized Tarmac Pro SL SRAM
    http://uplandsg.com/images/prodlogo_capoformaS.gif

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