This was on craigslist
trek 5200: why did you leave me? - $200
Reply to: email@example.com
Date: Mon Oct 27 10
I know we had just been together for four months, but I thought we had a good relationship, and I was really heartbroken last Thursday when I came home and found that you had gone without even leaving a note. By the way, you left the door open, and you also left a window open which it looks like someone crawled through. Was that your new partner?
I thought I was good to you. I took you out for long rides almost every weekend, and I also took you out during the week as much as I could. We climbed lots of good hills together --- I took you all over the Berkeley/Oakland hills, up Mount Diablo, up Old La Honda and Page Mill...
Sometimes I wouldn't ride you as much as I wanted, because I had to travel and work and stuff... but I would still come over and lovingly stroke your soft blue handlebar tape, and make my girlfriend jealous by gazing longingly at you while she was talking to me. I thought I treated you right -- I always kept your chain oiled and your tires inflated to their full rated pressure.
I know I was a little slow and maybe you wanted to live a more fast-paced life, but I thought you were OK with that, as you never complained and never went ahead of me on rides.
Were you scared that I was going to kill us both when we went 54 mph down a certain hill? Did I frighten you by mounting you from the right side instead of the left? Did I hurt you by riding on bumpy roads? Was my shifting too rough? I thought you were tough enough to handle it, and in any case I always wanted to keep you safe and protected.
Remember the orgasmic thrill of flying up the last hill on a long ride and passing everybody? I thought that was good for both of us. Were you just faking it? If something was wrong, why didn't you tell me what you needed?
Did you meet someone else on the Marin Century? Is that it? Did you quickly exchange numbers while I was using the facilities at a rest stop?
I just hope that whoever you are with now will treat you right. There are some guys out there who seem really nice but who actually just want to take you to some chop shop in sf and rip you apart and sell your pieces. Please, please, stay away from those people! I hope you can find a relationship where you can realize your full potential, and get the things that I could never give you, like climbing Mt Diablo in 45 minutes...
I have hardly anything left of you except a record of your serial number: WL3039771. If you change your mind about leaving, I'm offering a $200 reward to whoever brings you back to me.